That's how you know - Nico & Vinz
"Liam are you home?" I laughed as I closed the door. Of course he isn't home. Is he ever home? Completing my daily routine I dropped my school bag and made my way upstairs to the bathroom. I opened the top drawer digging out the make-up bag and dumping everything out looking for my blade. I smiled picking it up and placing it on my wrist.
Currently my other half is located in Australia, he goes so far away from me. I left my family back in London to live here with him, but I suppose that backfired on me. The only time people actually want to talk to me is when Liam is back. Some say I'm happier when he's here. There's not much I wouldn't do for Liam. I dyed my hair blonde because that's what he likes, I wear makeup when he's around because he told me he likes it best when I have it on. I even joined the gym so that I look fit enough for him.
Tonight Liam promised me that he would Skype me at 7. I set the blade on the counter and rushed out of the bathroom to our room, sitting in the desk chair and tuning my computer on. It's only like 6:30 but the thought of getting to see him makes me anxious. The computer turned on a little too slow for my liking so I clicked on the Skype icon and waited for it to load. When it opened I saw that Liam still hadn't logged on, then I heard my phone ding.
From Liam - Can't Skype tonight, sorry babe. I love and miss you! See you in 4 months! xxx
I threw my phone in anger. He's done this before, the most frustrating part being that he doesn't even give me an excuse as to why he's too busy to talk to me. I don't think the conversations mean as much to him as they do to me. He has thousands of pretty girls throwing themselves at him each and every day, why would he have time to talk to me? I wouldn't classify myself as insecure, I love my body and the way I look because I'm comfortable with my skin, but what girlfriend wouldn't feel upset about the amount of attention their boyfriend receives everyday.
I curled my hair into loose curls and put on a black dress that covered my butt and a little more, it has long sleeves. My favorite part about it is the sheer triangle cut out on the chest. I spent a couple hours trying to perfect my winged eyeliner and then put on mascara. When satisfied with the way I look I spray myself with perfume and put on my deodorant. I slipped on my black booties and proceeded to grab my car keys then walking out of the door.
I came to my favorite club, I'd tell you the name but I've consumed a butt ton of alcohol. I don't know what I've had to drink, I just know that whatever it is I'm drinking- It's definitely making me feel good. I'm dancing with this guy, he's cute, nothing like Liam but I don't want to think about him, he hurts me. I love him so much but he hurts me.
I throw my head back and sway my hips to the beat of the song. When the song ends I detach myself from the random stranger and push myself towards the door leading to the alleyway. I take a deep breath, I smell the cigarette smoke; the scent of people slowly killing themselves. I ask the person next to me for one and they hand it to me. I light it and inhale. I've never enjoyed smoking but I'm going to do it, I'm going to smoke this cancer stick because life is shit.
I smoked a cigarette and then went back inside to dance some more. I don't know how much longer I danced, or how many more drinks I consumed but I knew I was going to hurt in the morning. I think my heart knew I should leave, but my brain was screaming no. What's the point of returning home where there is no fun? There's nobody there for me, why go back so soon?
"Another shot, Crown!" I yelled to the bartender and slipped him the money. He gave me the shot and winked at me. I wanted to tell him I had a boyfriend but I don't even remember my own name. He just winked, he didn't say anything.
No big deal, right?
