HERO SYNDROME

❝It's Hope That Pushes Us ❞

"Phoenix what are we doing here?" Jace asked tiredly.

I let go of his hand and sat down. I patted the space next to me. Jace sighed and plopped down next to me.

The evening wind had picked up. I knew a storm was coming. But a bigger one was brewing inside of Jace and he needed to let it go.

"You told me I could come here anytime I wanted. So I wanted to bring you back here with me." I explained taking a couple pebbles and tossing them towards the water below us.

"Okay but why did you bring me?" he asked impatiently, taking a few pebbles himself and tossing them towards the water too.

"I want you to scream....now." I said bluntly, cutting to the chase.

"What? No." Jace stubbornly refused. I rolled my eyes and shook his shoulders.

"I need you to scream because you bottle everything up. It's not healthy Jace and one day you're going to explode. You need this." I stressed to him.

Jace stared at me flatly but I raised my eyebrow. I wasn't going to let him brush this off. Since I met him, Jace has tried to break me free of my anxiety and my sheltered routine.

Now it was my turn to help him. I needed him to understand it was okay to talk about Robin. That it was okay to express yourself. And that his mourning was misinterpreted as guilt.

Jace heaved a heavy sigh and nodded in agreement. I smiled satisfied and let go of his shoulders. Jace stood up and took a deep breath before yelling loudly.

It took him a good thirty seconds before his voice went hoarse. I watched carefully as Jace looked towards the ocean. His eyes becoming weary but content.

"How did it feel?" I asked softly. Jace turned back to me and cracked a small smile.

"It felt nice, thanks Phoenix." he said genuinely. He offered me his hand and I took it. "Now it's your turn."

"Wait, what?" I frowned confused.

"I'm not the only one bottling up. So go on--let it out or else you'll explode one day." he said gesturing to the vast space we had. I looked at Jace and realized he was right. I needed to scream just as much as him.

So I screamed. I let all my frustration, my hurt, my hatred out into the void. I screamed for my father, who had left me in fear. I screamed for Mom, Max, and Stella who left me with guilt of a burden. Then I screamed for Colton who left me in hatred.

But unlike Jace, it left me with no freedom afterwards. All I felt was....everything. I felt everything. I don't quite know how to explain it. But it was like a flood of emotions I tried to conceal.

I felt the gunning fear of leaving like dad and Robin had. I felt the anger in not being able to have a say so in who I was. I felt sadness that I dragged everyone in my life into my personal hell. I felt hatred in myself for who I was.

"It didn't work for you, did it?" Jace asked, coming up behind me. I single tear shed, and I swiped it away shaking my head. "Come on, let's sit and talk awhile." he suggested.

We both sat close to the edge. In the silence, only muffled by the crashing waves below us. I closed my eyes and refused to cry anymore.

"My sister-" he began but abruptly stopped. I turned to him and without much thought, I reached for his hand. I let his fingers intertwined with mine and squeezed them once, a sign that I was there for him.

"It's okay Jace, I'm here. It's okay." I said softly to cover the cracks in my voice. Jace met my gaze in a broken smile, as if relieved I was there, but still apprehensive about talking.