HERO SYNDROME

❝Some Tragedies Are Too Big❞

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t r i g g e r

w a r n i n g

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"I've heard from your mother that you and Max haven't spoken to each other in two weeks. Do you want to tell me why?" Dr.Reed asked, closing his journal. He relaxed into his seat and folded his hands in front of him. It was the little tell-tell signs that told me this went beyond the session.

Dr.Reed was genuinely concerned. He knew Max was a tether in my life. Someone who had a hold on me.

"Do you want to tell me why you insist on wearing leather bracelets. It's not 2002 and you're not at a Nickelback concert." I shot back, crossing my arms over my chest. Dr.Reed didn't even bat an eyes and instead fixed his bracelet.

"My leather bracelet is actually a leather cuff, and I wear it because my girlfriend bought it for my twenty ninth birthday. Now that I've answered your question, you have to answer mine." He replied back easily, crossing his arms over his chest almost cockily. My mouth hung open, in shock. "It's only fair." He added.

I sighed and fell back into the couch cushions. I stared at the ceiling and took note of a small crack in one of the tiles. I pointed at it, and ignored his request. "You should get that looked at. It may be water damage."

"Avoiding questions isn't going to work with me Phoenix." He reminded me. Dr.Reed was very straight forward. He didn't like to beat around the bush, and he liked to tackle the root of the problem. I called it the Band-Aid method.

You know, just cutting through all the fluff to get what you want. Dr.Reed was effective in getting his answers from me. It was how he figured me out so quickly. I swear he knew me better than myself.

"Siblings have fights all the time. Twins, believe it or not, fight even more than regular brothers and sisters." I answered smartly. Dr.Reed pursed his lips and huffed, opening up his journal. He scanned over his notes, then clicked his tongue and set the book back down.

"You still nervous about Colton?" He asked, totally pulling the rug from under me.

"I-uh," I stammer, clearing my throat, "I don't know what that has to do with Max. I don't know what that has to do with anything in my life actually." I said, glaring at Dr.Reed.

"'That' is a he, and he has a name. You have to be able to call him by his name. Believe it or not, you won't get far in your self recovery unless you relinquish whatever power you're giving Colton." Even though Dr.Reed spoke calmly, it still felt like a slap in the face.

"Colton, has nothing to do with Max and I. He doesn't hold anything but the regrets of my past. So keep him out of it please." I grounded out. I dug my nails into my palms and reminded myself to calm down. With Colton, all rational thoughts went out the window. That's what he did to me. He made me an irrational angry person, and it was hard to forgive that.

"Then why aren't you talking to your brother?" Dr.Reed asked again, "According to your mother, this is the longest you've gone without speaking. She's worried about you two, Phoenix, and quite frankly with the pressure of Colton's return, so am I."

I huffed, and turned away from Dr.Reed. I couldn't tell him the truth. I couldn't tell him that Max had threatened to expose my erratic behavior to mom. I couldn't tell him about my hand, or the broken mirror. That would all lead to everyone finding out that I had stopped my medications weeks ago.

They wouldn't understand, even if I tried to explain it. They wouldn't listen to how with my medications, I was just a walking side-effect. A pre-programmed zombie, drugged up on stabilizers that fogged my judgment. I couldn't tell them that being on medications made me feel artificial and that I wanted something real.