HERO SYNDROME

❝I Wanted Him To Feel❞

The calendar was marked. The Easton's were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary in less than two days. Stella had told me a month ago that her brother was coming back too.

I stared at the calendar and felt like that month was a lifetime ago. So much seemed to have happened. So much change...in so little time. It was daunting really.

In less than 48 hours Colton would be here. I didn't know how I would handle that. Just thinking about him made my blood boil. How would I react when he was actually right in front of me?

__________

While I was dealing with Colton's return in silent suffering, Stella was compensating for it via ranting. We were in the library for study hall, and Stells kept unloading her disdain about her brother on me.

I listened and gave the appropriate responses. "I just wish Colton would think before he speaks. Do you know the last thing he said to me?"

"No." I answered, though I actually did because Stella had told me after his last phone call home.

"He said, 'You're lucky Blair didn't kick your ass after you swiped Max from her.'" she mimicked him, "Then he said he didn't understand how Max went from Blair to me! What an asshole!"

"A complete and utter anus." I nodded in agreement. It had been six months since she last spoke to her brother. The Blair comment really rubbed her the wrong way.

The thing about Stella and Colton is that they completely detested each other. They weren't like Max and I. If we fought, we resolved it usually over the span of a few days. I didn't like fighting with Max either, it made me feel terrible. No matter how much I ignored it, there was always that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach when we were in a fight.

But with Stella and Colton, if they fought, no one could make them talk. Their mom was the only one who could resolve their fights. But even then they only did it to please their mom, not because they actually forgave each other.

"I just wish we were like you and Max. You two have each other's back." she sighed, scribbling in the margins of her journal.

I didn't say anything back. There was no reassurance I could have given her. You couldn't resolve sibling rivalry that's had seventeen years in the making. I just sat and became the ear to all of Stella's pent up anger.

When the period was over, we collected our stuff. At our lockers Stella became eerily quiet. For a moment I was worried she had burned herself out. Like she finally got it out of her system.

But then she suddenly closed her locker door and stared at me skeptically. "You've been pretty quiet on the Colton subject. Why is that?" she asked in an almost accusing tone.

"What do you mean?" I asked, switching out my textbooks for the next class.

"Usually when Colton comes up in a conversation you get all angry and rant right alongside of me. But this time you've been quiet." she said, narrowing her eyes, trying to understand my sudden attitude change.

But to be fair the last time I complained about Colton to Stella was six months ago. Before the accident, before Dr.Reed, before group, and before Jace. I didn't want to think about - much less talk about Jace anymore. I wanted to leave him behind once and for all.

Before I could come up with a simple and vague answer, a teacher came up to us. "Enough chit chat ladies, get your books and get going. This isn't social studies." he said, shooing us away and effectively dropping the Colton conversation. Grateful as I ever was for a teacher, I closed my locker and waved goodbye to Stella. I didn't wait for her to stop me, I just ducked out of there.