Weekly Randoms

Coffee Virgin

I guess you can say this title has a double meaning. I don't know.

Thursday after school I went to the store with my mom for FOOD!  While making our round about the grocery store we saw that coffee was half off for some reason. We don't drink coffee but for some reason she was like get some of that. We don't even have a coffee maker so it was some instant stuff. After that every time she told me to put something in the cart I would say "Why? We gots coffee."

"Brooklyn go get some ice cream."

"Why? We gots coffee."

She then just started calling me retarded. For some reason I had got all excited about drinking the stuff. She told me we had to wait til morning to drink it. But the can clearly said great any time. She just wasn't having it.

So I waited til Friday morning! I made the coffee and TOAST! in the toaster...where the bread goes...and with the toasting powers of the toaster turns into TOAST!!! We drank our coffee and ate our TOAST! and it was good. And I told my mom....

"Instant is the gate way coffee. Next we're going to hittin Starbucks at all hours of the day for our fix."

Then she went to work and I later went to school. The coffee didn't help with keeping me awake because it is caffeine free.

When I got home on Friday it was like a demon monster had been unleashed. When I opened the door at the top of her lungs my mom was yelling my name. I was about to go back out to escape the unknown wrath that was in full blaze but it was too late. I had been spotted!

She was waving about a blue/purple piece of paper around and ever so often hitting me with it. While she was yelling "What is this?"

I honestly had no  idea what it was and I was kinda scared because she looked super pissed. I tried to tell I didn't know but she wasn't having it. So she opened it. The blue paper was an envelope and had a card inside. She read it really fast and then started yelling at me again. I was pinned up against the door so I could run. I was just shaking my head no.

Then she shoved the card in my face so I could read it.

It was an invitation to a baby shower. It took me a minute to figure out what that was but then I was really confused. I hadn't done anything wrong she had. She broke a federal law by opening my mail.

I clearly didn't get why she was mad and me not understanding just made it worst.

"So are you going?" she asked.

"I guess, yeah." I answered everything really slow. Because that was a spring loaded question.

"So this is how you were going to tell me."

"Umm...yes." I was clueless. She started yelling again. Saying stuff like "Who's this slut. How could you. Your too young. Oh God I'm going to be a grandmother."

Only then did I understand. I then Tried to explain to her that I hadn't seen the girl in almost two years and that I hadn't done any fathering. It took a while but she calmed down and now she half way believes me.

She then followed up with an unwanted and unnecessary sex talk. Very personally questions that I refused to answer. I have never had this talk before and it was a little to late because I'm almost 20 but what ever.

The babyshower is in november and I'm gonna go. I guess I got to get like a baby gift or something. I didn't know guys went to those things. I thought it was girls only. I'm not the only guy going tho.

*This hasn't been reread like everything else on here. SO if its hard to follow my bad.***