A Life Worth Living

chapter 15

Elizabeth woke Hayes and I up. I put on my leggings and one of Hayes' sweatshirts.

"You need clothes don't you?"

"I'm fine in this, but I need more jeans and leggings," I said looking down at my thighs.

"I'll take you shopping after school today." I walked up to him and kissed his cheek. "You look beautiful when you wake up too, I like that hairstyle." He started to laugh.
I punched his shoulder playfully and I went downstairs to eat. Hayes and I had a pork roll egg and cheese, it's the best thing to eat in the morning or afternoon. When I got to school I was called down to guidance.

"Don't rat out yourself ok?" advised Hayes. I just kissed his forehead and went down to guidance.

"How have you been Dallas?" asked the guidance teacher.

"Great," I said enthusiastically. I was even smiling.

"Well, your mom isn't," my smile faded, "she doesn't know where you are, so how about you tell me."

"She doesn't deserve to be happy. I'm not going to snitch because I'm fine without her."

"Well, why doesn't she deserve you?" I looked her straight in the eye.

"I'm no snitch," I said nothing else and they brought my mom in the guidance room I was in. Is this some interrogation?
I didn't look at her. The guidance teacher left the room.

"You're crazy. You hit me showing no care, then when I leave you start to care? Get out of my face."
"I like your shirt, but it looks like a boy shirt..." she sat down. "Honestly, if you didn't want me to know where you were, don't wear your boyfriend's clothes." I started to cry still not looking at her. I can't handle all of this.. it's too much. I miss her, and I know she loves me. I just don't want to get hurt. "What I did, I never thought I would ever do to you, but I did and I regret it, I'm sorry."

"You sound like Dad." The fact I said that must've killed her insides. "I knew I disrespected you, but you took the Dad route."

"You did it too, to Dyllon and Veronica." I sat in silence. "I am truly sorry Dal­."

"Stop it! Stop it! You messed up I get it, but don't you get I can't live with people like this Mom. I'm the reason we are here. Honestly if you're sorry let me stay away from you. I don't feel safe anymore..."

"I thought we were close, I thought I wasn't going to see my 14 year old dau-­"

"YOU DID WORSE! All I did was make-out with him. It's not that big of a deal Mom. I wasn't having sex. I was not making the decisions like you were back when you were my age."

"I don't want you to do that, I don't want you ending up like that.Like me. You just remind me of myself and it scares me."

"I'm done here." I had tears streaming down my face and so did my mom.

"I'll drop off some clothes to Liz for you," she was quiet. I got up and went to the bathroom. I stood in the stall wiping my tears and blowing my nose. I then went to first period. I sat with Emma, and Hayes sat with us.
The rest of the day I felt numb, like I was nothing anymore. Liz picked us up from school and she gave me my clothes.

"You snitched yourself out?" asked Hayes with stern eyes.

"No." I had a shaky voice and then Hayes hugged me. He held me in his arms and I couldn't help but to let out a single tear.
"Stop... don't cry Babe." He was tearing up. I kissed him and he wiped my tear away. He carried me inside.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom."
I went into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and started crying. I opened a few if the cabinets and drawers in/under the sink.
I found blades to a razor, but they weren't going to shave hair, they were going to cut my skin.
I took a blade and cut my arms once, I started to cry, I did it so much that I needed to clean my wrists, but they wouldn't stop bleeding and I had a panic attack. My breathing was heavy, my eyes were watery, and my head was so dizzy. I caught myself holding onto the sink faucet after stumbling a few times.
Someone knocked on the door.

"I'm busy."

"Let me in now." I heard the sadness in his voice, I tried to opened the door, but my head was spinning. There was blood on the floor and I didn't want him to see this. "Dal let me in," he said twisting and shaking the door handle. I placed my one hand on the door and the other on the wall and slowly opened the door, and Hayes' face turned pale. He shut the door and brought me over to the sink. He sat me up there with his mind racing.
He wrapped my arm. He held me in his arms and I started to bawl and he started to cry. "Why?"

"I don't know..." I could barely talk. Hayes got down on his knees and start cleaning all the mess I made in the bathroom.
Hayes carried me into his room, I slept till dinner was ready. Hayes said he did my homework. We had burgers and they reminded me of my dad. I almost threw up.
Tonight was an ugly one. Hayes stayed up with me because I was crying, but he held me through the night. We went to bed at 3 and I just clinged onto Hayes.