Tortured Within (Jack Barakat)

Chapter Five

The past two weeks have been kind of different, well compared to what I'm used to doing. I was hanging out with Jack every few days. We'd gone to parties together, a concert of a local band, or just at his apartment playing video games or something. I was starting to feel more comfortable around him the more we hung out. 

I was sitting on the floor of his bedroom with my back against the wall while he sat across from me. We each had a bottle of beer - not my favorite to drink, but it's all he had - and Green Day was playing through the speakers. 

"You don't really seem to even like your friends." Jack said with a little laugh after I just talked about how annoying it was to hang out with Violet the other night.

"Well, I don't like people. They seem to only come to me when they need something." I said.

"Well, I wouldn't do that." he said with a smirk and I had this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I ignored it and took a sip from my bottle. 

"So, what's your favorite band?" I asked. He looked away, like he was concentrating really hard to figure this out.

"You can't make me choose." he said.

"But I just did. Now tell me." I said.

"Well...probably blink-182. What about you?" he asked.

"I'm a huge Nirvana fan." I said.

"They're pretty good." he said.

There was a short silence and I was about to say something but my phone started vibrating. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw it was from my mom. I decided to just ignore it, I was having a pretty good time and I didn't want her to ruin my mood. 

"Who was that?" Jack asked me.

"Just my mom. She probably was just going to yell at me for not going to therapy." I said, not realizing what I was saying as I put my phone back in my pocket.

"Therapy?" he asked, his face full of confusion.

"I mean, well, it's stupid." I was about to go on some stupid bullshit lie that a relative had recently died and my mom had thought I needed it, but he interrupted me.

"It's fine, you don't have to tell me." he said. 

I really need to think before I speak. There was a long silence between us, besides the music playing. He looked like he was thinking.

"Hey, isn't it hot in here? We should go do something." he said.

"Yeah. Sure, where?" I asked.

"How about the mall?" he said.

"That sounds fun. Now?" 

"Yeah, just give me a minute." he said, getting up and walking to the bathroom.

I reached over to grab my shoes and put them on before standing up. I walked over to this little table by his couch and picked up a picture frame. The photo was of what looked like Jack, but maybe a few years back and another guy that looked just a little similar to him. They looked like they were laughing and it made me smile a bit. 

"That's my brother and I." I heard Jack say. 

I kind of jumped when I heard him and I set the photo back down.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have been looking at your things." I said.

"No, it's fine. I don't care, really." he said, laughing a little and looking over at the photo.

"What's your brothers name?" I asked. 

"Evan. Him and I used to have the best of times." he said, his smile fading.

"Why not anymore?" I asked, confused.

"He and, um, some of his friends were drinking at a party and he was driving home and hit a tree and, yeah." he said, his voice getting quieter.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry." I said, wishing I hadn't have even looked at the photo. I felt so bad now.

"No, it's fine. Don't apologize. It happened years ago. It's in the past." he said. 

There was another silence that was kind of awkward before he spoke again.

"So, uh, let's get going then." he said. 

I just nodded and followed him out the door of his apartment, walked down the stairs and down the hall, then finally out the door. We continued walking until we got to his car where he opened the door for me. I smiled and thanked him before getting in. He closed the door and walked around the car and got in himself. We both put our seat belts and he started driving. 

When we got there we went to Hot Topic. I saw they had a really nice Kurt Cobain shirt. It was white and there was a black and white photo of him. I picked it up and showed Jack.

"I need to buy this, oh my God. But I don't have enough money." I said, frowning.

"You're so cute." he said, making me blush. "Let me buy it for you."

"No, I couldn't have you do that." I said, shaking my head.

"No, I want to. I have money. Just let me." he said, smiling.

"Alright, but I'll pay you back." I said.

"No, don't. It's fine." he said.

"But I just feel bad." I said.

"Like I said, I want to." he said, smiling again.

Here he was making me have that weird feeling in my stomach again. That smile is just so adorable and I can't stop staring at that face.

"Oh, well thank you. You have a nice smile and face too." he said, chuckling.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"You just told me I had an adorable smile and that you can't stop staring at my face." he said.

"Oh my God, I said that out loud? I fucking hate myself." I said. He just laughed and hugged me. 

Before pulling away he whispered in my ear,

"But really, you're so beautiful. Don't hate yourself." he said and grabbed my hand, gently pulling me with him to checkout. 

He held on to my hand until he had to pull out his wallet to get his money. He gave the cashier the money and she gave him the bag with the shirt inside. He carried it with one hand while he grabbed my hand again with the other. We walked out and I was feeling really happy. I wasn't used to this kind of stuff and it was so nice. Maybe things were changing for the better. I was having a great time until I saw him. He was with two children and a woman. The kids were smiling and him and the woman were laughing. Then he saw me staring at him and his face changed from a soft, happy expression to anger. I felt like I was going to vomit and I found it difficult to breathe. Flashbacks of that night ran throughout my mind. This wasn't the first time I'd seen him since that night. The last time I saw him was a year ago, which was also the last time I tried to commit suicide. I'd taken every pill I could find and I thought it would work, except my parents came in my room. I refused to ever tell anyone what was the cause of it. 

The look on his face was terrifying me and I hadn't realized it, but Jack was asking me what was wrong.

"Marley? Are you okay? What's wrong? Who is that?" he asked me question after question.

I looked away from him and to Jack. 

"I, I can't." was all I said before running away to the nearest door.