Tortured Within (Jack Barakat)

Chapter Eight

Jack had left around 11:00 AM and it was now 5:46 PM. I wasn't sure when he was going to be home, but I was bored being all alone. I had watched TV mostly today. Andrew had been sending me a few texts today asking if I was okay and where I was, but I didn't answer him. This was his fault. 

I wanted to take a shower, but I hadn't brought shampoo or any soap for that matter. I'd have to go out tonight or tomorrow and buy some. Same with a toothbrush, I really needed to brush my teeth. I wasn't really thinking too much about this when I was leaving my house.

I kind of managed to push away my feelings for that whole situation. I don't feel anything when I think of it. Just this numb, emotionless feeling. 

A few minutes later I decided maybe I could walk to the Walmart a few blocks down. I was putting on my shoes when Jack walked through the door.

"Hey, where are you going? You're not leaving, are you?" he asked.

"No, don't worry. I just need to go to Walmart to buy a few things." I said.

"I can get them for you if you want." he said.

"No, it's fine. You worked all day. I'll be back in like half an hour." I said.

"Let me come with you then?" he asked.

"I think I'll be fine alone." I said while I finished lacing up my shoes and stood up. I walked to the bedroom where my bag was and took two twenty dollar bills. I put them in the front pocket of my jeans and walked out.

"Okay, well I'll see you later." Jack said, sitting down on the couch. I smiled at him before walking out the door. I made my way out of the building and started walking. The sun was just starting to set and I admired how it looked. 

It took me about fifteen minutes until I was finally there. As I walked in, I was greeted by the cooler air. I walked through the the store and got all the things I needed. I was at the self checkout when I saw Andrew and my father. I tried hiding my face, but they both saw me. My father looked away and just pointed ahead, as if saying "ignore her, let's go over here." 

It was different seeing them in person. If I was just thinking about it, I could easily make myself just not think about it or tell myself I don't care, but seeing them just reminded me that my father really didn't love me and none of this would have happened if Andrew hadn't came up to my room. Everything became blurry as my eyes started tearing up. I will not cry. Not here. I rubbed my eyes, grabbed my bag, and walked out of the store. 

When I got back, Jack wasn't in the living room anymore. I wanted to take a shower, so I set the bag in the bathroom and went to the bedroom to get some clothes. When I walked in there, Jack was talking to someone on the phone.

"She's fine. Yeah, I had her eat some breakfast this morning. Why wouldn't she be eating?" I heard him say.

"Who are you talking to?" I asked and then I realized it was my phone. "Jack. Who are you talking to?"

"Hold on a minute," he spoke into the phone when turning around to see me standing there, "Your brother. He called a couple times and I ignored it, but I thought maybe it was something important. He just wants to know if you're okay."

"Whatever, I couldn't care less about him." I said. I grabbed a pair of shorts and a t-shirt out of my bag and left the room. I went into the bathroom and locked the door. Shut all the feelings out. Forget about it. I don't care. They mean nothing. 

I took my shower and changed into the shorts and t-shirt. When I got out, Jack was cooking something. I think it was some sort of soup. I walked to the living room and sat on the couch and watched whatever was on the TV. Jack then came out with two bowls of soup. Are you serious?

He handed me one and sat next to me. 

"I-I'm not hungry." I said.

"Yes you are. Now eat." he said.

"No. I got something to eat on the way back. I'm not hungry." I said. He sighed and looked at me.

"Are you telling me the truth?" he asked, looking into my eyes. I looked down.

"Yes." I lied. I hated having to always lie. When I looked back up he looked a little sad and took the bowl from me. He stood up and took the bowl back to the kitchen. He then came back, ate his own soup and then looked at me.

"Are you sure you're not hungry?" 

"I'm fine. Just leave me alone about it. I'll eat when I want to." I said. He looked like he wanted to say something, but just couldn't. He opened his mouth, but closed it. 

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's just you never seem to want to eat." 

"I'm just not hungry a lot." I said.

"Marley, your brother told me." 

"He told you what?" 

"He told me you have," he paused for a few seconds "issues with eating." 

"Why the hell would he tell you?" I was starting to get so angry and so sad. Just upset. I didn't want Jack knowing how stupid and fucked up and selfish I was. 

"He just was asking if you'd been eating and I asked-" I cut him off.

"Fuck this." I said and stood up. I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my phone. 

"Where are you going?" he asked, standing up. 

"I just need some alone time outside. I'll be fine. Just leave me alone, okay?" I said, sounding maybe a little angrier than I should have been. I went to the bedroom quickly to get my money. 

"What are you going to do with that money?" he asked.

"Nothing." I said and was about to leave when he stepped in between me and the door.

"Let me leave." I demanded.

"No. I know you're going to just go buy drugs. Talk to me about this."  he said, looking into my eyes. "I don't want you doing all this shit to yourself. It's bad enough you're not eating, you don't need to be doing drugs on top of it."

"Don't be telling me what to do! You've known me for what, a month? You know nothing about me." I said.

"I care so much about you though. Please just stay here. Don't leave." he said.

"No! Let me fucking leave!" I said, trying to push him out of the way. Instead of fighting back, he just wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm not letting you go. I won't let you go. I want you to know I care about you and that I won't just let you do this to yourself." he said. 

"You're lying!" I said.

"What?" 

"You're fucking lying! Everyone says they care and they love me and they'll be there, but then they go and leave. They forget about me. They push me out of their lives. It always happens. Just let me fucking leave!" I yelled, now crying.

"I could never do that." he said, tightening his hold on me. 

"You're lying."

"No, I'm not. Look at me." he said, letting go of me and gently grabbing my face, looking into my eyes. "I care about you so much. I'll never leave you alone. I'll never do what your family did. I'll be here for you. You don't have to tell me anything you're not comfortable with, but just know if whenever you want to, I will be here to listen. So stay here, put away the money, and let me just hold you and let me be here for you. Can you do that for me?"

I was shocked by all this. I've never had anyone be like this. Usually people just give up and don't even bother. I just cried and nodded and hugged him. We stood there hugging for a few minutes before I took off my shoes, set the money down on the counter and followed him to his room. We lied down on his bed and I cried as he held me tight, whispering promising words that he'd never leave.