Tortured Within (Jack Barakat)

Chapter Fourteen

I slowly opened my eyes as I woke up, but squinted when I saw the light on the ceiling. I turned over and groaned into my pillow. I felt very weak and I had a horrible headache.  

"Drink this." I heard Jack say. I looked up at the glass of water he had in front of me. He tilted it toward my mouth and I sipped a little of it into my mouth. "Drink more." 

I drank about half of it before he took it away and set it on the table beside his bed. I didn't have to be told he was crying, his eyes said it all. I felt guilty. Who the hell was I to drink, well drink his vodka, just to deal with my problems when I knew it would hurt him. I'm so selfish.  

"I'm sorry." I said. 

"Eat." he said. 

"What?" I asked, confused. 

"I made you this tomato soup." he said, taking the tray from the bedside table and put it in front of me. There was two pieces of bread next to the bowl.  

"I-I can't. I'm not hungry." I said. 

"You're lying to me. Eat it." he said. The smell was making me even more hungry than I was and I was trying to fight it, but I couldn't. I hadn't ate in two days. I slowly started eating the soup and the more I ate, the more I wanted. I was so hungry. I must have ate it all in five minutes judging by how fast I was eating it. I immediately regretted it and started to panic. Jack took the tray and put it back on the bedside table. 

"I'm so proud of you." he said. "I know it had to have been hard and-" 

He stopped when he noticed me crying. I wasn't just crying because of eating. I was crying because I realized how tired I am of this. I hate that I can't eat one meal without hating myself. I'm so sick of this.  

"Don't cry. You did a good thing. You're treating yourself good." he said and put his hand on mine. 

"I'm crying because I'm so fucking sick of this. Why the fuck are you even my boyfriend? I'm so messed up and I can't even eat one meal and-" 

"Marley, stop. Please, don't. Listen to me. I've kind of been talking with your brother the past week." 

"What?! Why? What about?!" I asked, scared. Who knows what he'd say. 

"I had him talk to your parents. They agreed to pay for your therapy again if you'd actually go and I think you really need it. You need to talk to someone about these issues and get the help you need or you're going to end up dead, Marley." he said, his voice cracking at the end. I could see his eyes filling with tears and he looked like he was afraid I'd say no. 

"But, it never helps." I said. 

"That's because you didn't want the help. If you talk to someone and actually work on recovering, I know things will get better." he said. 

"I don't know, I-" I couldn't finish my sentence because there was that feeling in my stomach again. I had to run out of his room without a word and into the bathroom where all of the soup I had just ate would be wasted. I can't even physically eat a meal. 

"Marley. See, you need help." he said. 

I just sat there and cried as he kneeled in front of me and held me in his arms, ignoring the fact that I had just thrown up.  

"You just have to have hope that things are going to get better. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. I want to see you happy." he said, looking into my eyes. 

"Jack, I-" I tried to say, but I was cut off. 

"Sh, don't say anything. I know." he said and helped me back up. "Brush your teeth and wash your face and we'll talk, okay?"  

He walked out of the bathroom leaving me alone there. I cleaned myself up and by the time I got back to the bedroom, the tray was gone and Jack was sitting at the edge of the bed. I sat next to him and he grabbed my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine. 

"Marley, I care about you so much. I swear to God, you are so beautiful and it hurts that you don't see that. What happened to you was a horrible, horrible thing and you really need to talk to someone about this that can help you more than I can. Sure, I can be here to calm you down, but I can't fix it as much as I wish I could. You need help, will you please do that. If not for yourself, then for me?"  

I thought for a minute. I really did need this. I had to face my problems sooner or later. Maybe this is the time for recovery as much as I'd rather not do it. It would just be easier to do this to myself, but I can't. I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded as my eyes filled with tears as I accepted that this was nothing that I could just stop.  

"Look at me." Jack said. When I looked up at him, he wiped away the tears that started to go down my cheeks. He held my face in his hands and looked into my eyes. "Marley, I love you."  

I've never had anyone tell me they loved me, aside from my family. I didn't know how to describe the feeling I got when he said that. My stomach filled with butterflies and my heart skipped a beat. 

"I've never felt this way about anyone before, Jack." I said, looking back into his eyes.  

Without saying anything, he brought his lips to mine. The kiss was full of passion and my heart was beating so fast. I've never felt such love and happiness before now. Everything seemed just right. I never wanted this moment to end.  

He curled his fingers in my hair as I sat onto his lap. Jack moved his lips to my jaw and started kissing down my neck and back up to my mouth. I placed my hands at his sides and began lifting his shirt, but he stopped me. 

"Marley, you don't have to do this." 

"No, stop. I want to." I said, kissing him again. 

"Are you sure you're ready?" he asked between kisses. 

"Yes. I love you." I said before kissing him again, not allowing him to speak. He took off his shirt and then mine before gently moving me further onto the bed and climbing on top of me. So far, I felt no anxiety. This just felt so right. 

It wasn't long before there was no clothing between us and he looked in my eyes again. 

"Are you absolutely sure?" 

"Yes. Jack, he took away a lot of things from me, but he could never take away what I'm about to give to you. I'm ready to give all of myself to you. I love you."  

That night I showed Jack how much I loved him and for once, I felt safe and that nothing could harm me.