Tortured Within (Jack Barakat)

Chapter One

I know I should be enjoying life; I had just graduated high school a few weeks ago. I had no plans to go to college, though. My plan was to wait a year or two, or just whenever I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. I needed a longer break than just three months. My parents agreed to let me live at home while I was "figuring out" what I wanted to do. My parents have always been nothing but supportive and great to me and what did I do? I was selfish. Two treatment centers (one of them paid completely by my father because insurance wouldn't cover it), three times ending up in the hospital from overdosing on pills, and I'm still fucked up. I knew how to act my way through treatment. Eat, pretend you're feeling better, and once you're fattened up, they throw you right out. I've lied to my parents that I'm trying to get better, but I'm really not into this whole recovery thing. They don't even know what triggered all this. The point is, I'm selfish and a liar. Who knew I could become so self destructive from something that happened five years ago? 

I don't find things quite as fun as I used to. I was just about done getting ready for this party I was going to, and I'm not really excited about it. I guess I could just drink and smoke enough until I don't feel anything emotionally. Just numb. 

I finished applying my make up and took one final look in the mirror. A Nirvana shirt, black skinny jeans, and black converse completed my outfit. I walked out of the bathroom, and walked down the stairs. I should probably eat something. No, I don't need to. But if I really shouldn't drink on an empty stomach. I'll be fine without it. 

The constant war in my mind between eating or not eating. I ended up walking into my kitchen, though. I opened the fridge and scanned the various food items. I ate a few carrots and closed the fridge. I then saw the loaf of bread sitting on the counter and grabbed a piece out. I slowly ate it and drank a glass of water after. That was all I needed. 

______

I had been at the party for about an hour now and I had only drank about half a cup of alcohol, and took a hit here and there. 

I wasn't very used to parties like this. It was a really big party, and I was used to parties with like, 20 people at the most. There had to been at least 40 people, and more people kept coming. I felt rather uncomfortable around so many people, but I sucked it up. I was sitting on the couch alone after my friend had ditched me to go find a room with this guy she had just met. I wasn't really partying much as I usually do. I was just sitting here on my phone.

Suddenly, a guy sat next to me. Half his hair was black, the other half blonde; skunk hair. It looked pretty good on him, though. Honestly, he was rather attractive. He was tall and not very "buff", but still had a good body, I guess. 

"Hey, what are you doing all alone?" he asked me.

"My friend ditched me." I said, taking another sip from my cup. He sat closer to me and I felt a bit uncomfortable so I moved just a tiny bit away.

"That's not a very good friend." he said. I just noticed how red his eyes were. He was stoned. "I can be your new friend. We can totally chill."

"Yeah, okay." I said sarcastically. I mean, I'd probably never see this guy again in my life, but it was fun to mess with him.

"I'm serious. You seem like a cool girl." he said. "What's your name?" 

"Marley, and you?" 

"Jack." he said. 

I finished my drink and when it was gone, Jack spoke up again.

"Want me to get you some more?" he asked.

"Nah, I'm good." I said. 

"What about some bud?" he asked, taking a little plastic bag filled with the only drug I'd ever take. I wouldn't ever let myself do anything besides weed. I would be too scared, I guess. 

I just nodded and he rolled a joint and lit it. We sat there for about ten minutes, passing it back and forth. I felt that familiar high, that took me away from all my problems for a little while.

I turned to Jack and just stared at him for a while.

"What?" he said, laughing.

"Do you always get this high?" I asked.

"Nah, I only smoke at parties really, but when I do, I get baked like a fucking cake." he said. We both probably laughed a bit more than we should have. 

Hours passed and it was 3 AM. I was coming down from my high, but it was still kind of there. I was getting a bit tired and I didn't want to fall asleep here - I hated doing that at parties. My house was just a few blocks away, anyways. I really had only spent the time here with Jack.

"I'm going to get going." I said. 

"Aw, but we're having so much fun." he said.

"And I'm tired. Goodnight, Jack. It was nice chilling with you." I said, laughing. I was walking away when he spoke up again. 

"Wait, can I get your number?" he asked. I turned around and thought about it. Hey, fuck it. I could always use a new friend. All my other friends sucked anyways. I gave him my number and then I left and was on my way to my house where I could just fall asleep in my bed, which I couldn't wait to do.