Tortured Within (Jack Barakat)

Chapter Ten

When I woke up I was in a state of confusion. Had what happened really happened or was it just a dream? I only remembered a few things; going to that house and getting the cocaine, running out for a reason I can't seem to reason, and crying in the corner of the room. I was hoping it was just a dream, but when Jack asked how I was feeling, reality sunk in. I should just leave. I shouldn't be here. I fuck everything up and I shouldn't be bringing him into my problems.

"Fine." I said. I tried sitting up, but I was even too weak to do that and lied back down.

"I made you something to eat." he said. "It's right in the kitchen. I'll be right back." 

"What time is it?" I asked when he stood up. He took out his phone and looked at the screen.

"5:35 AM" he said and walked out.

I had been passed out for over eight hours. I was still so tired and weak. A minute later, Jack walked back into the room with a plate of different types of fruits and vegetables and a glass of water. 

"Here, drink this. You're dehydrated." he said, handing me the glass of water. I drank half the glass within a few seconds and set it next to me. He then set the plate in front of me.

"I figured this would be easier to eat, rather than a plate of bacon." he said, referring to the other day. I half smiled and looked down at the plate. I started taking tiny bites of different things without saying a word. After I finished half the plate, feeling full, I pushed it away.

"What exactly happened last night?" I asked. He was quiet for a few seconds and then looked at me.

"I don't know. You came home yelling and crying. I was just with my friend, Alex, when you came through the door. I asked him to leave and then I went to you. You kept yelling at me to stop touching you and that you said stop and telling me to make it stop. I don't know, it was really scary. I was so worried and I still am. You then got up and fell right to the ground and didn't wake up until now. I wanted to bring you to the hospital, but I figured you'd be okay once you woke up and had something to eat and drank a lot of water. I mainly just didn't want them to find out you were on drugs and then get you in trouble." he said, sighing. He looked so tired. He picked up the plate and set it on the bed side table. He then handed me the glass of water again and asked me to finish it. I did and when I set it down, he lied down next to me.

"You look exhausted." I said.

"I am. I've been so worried about you and I couldn't sleep." he said. This only made me feel more guilty than I already was. Who was I to bring him down with me?

"Go on and sleep. You need it." I said. He just nodded and closed his eyes. I waited a few minutes before I knew he was asleep for sure. I slowly got out of bed and went over to my bag. I didn't know where I was going, but I needed to leave. I wasn't going to stay here and have him worried. I needed to get out.

I made sure I had everything I needed in my bag and slipped my arms through the straps. I slipped on my shoes and looked at Jack. I walked over to him, making sure to be very quiet.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, even though he wouldn't hear it. I kissed his cheek and walked out of the room. I decided I should at least write a note, so I did. When I was finished writing it, I stood up and walked to the door. I slowly opened it and quietly shut it without looking back. I walked down the stairs and out the door. The sky was just starting to turn blue, but there was no sun out yet. 

 I thought for a minute if I should really leave or just go back inside. I sighed and continued walking. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw I had a couple of texts from Andrew.

Andrew: i heard some things from a friend of mine that was at a party, are you okay?

Andrew: please talk to me...

I didn't text back and put the phone back in my pocket. It must have been incredibly stupid to do this, but I ended up walking back to my house. It took me about forty minutes to walk there. I knew that nobody would be awake for another few hours, so I went around to the backyard and went through the door that was rarely ever locked. I opened and closed it as quietly as I could before walking across the house and then up the stairs, being as quiet as possible. I went into my room - the door was wide open - and was startled when I saw Andrew in my bed. I closed the door and even though it was really quiet, it managed to wake him up. He slowly opened his eyes and when he recognized me he nearly fell off the bed.

"Marley?!" he said, sitting up. 

"Be quiet!" I whispered. I didn't want one of my parents waking up and walking in here.

"Are you okay?" he asked, keeping his voice down.

"I'm fine. Kind of. I don't know why, but I just had an urge to come back home just for a little bit before deciding what to do." I said.

"Kind of? And what do you mean?" he asked.

"I don't know." I said.

"What happened last night? Some friend told me you were there and ran out crying and yelling." he said.

"I wouldn't know. I don't remember much." I said. I shouldn't have come back here, I should have just found some place to go and not ever talk to anyone I knew again. There was a long pause before Andrew started talking again.

"Please take care of yourself." he said.

"I don't remember the last time I did. I don't know how. I don't think I deserve it." I said, looking down.

"What happened?" he asked.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Why did you start starving yourself and being so depressed?" he asked. I felt my heart beat race as memories flooded my head. "Have you ever told anyone at all?"

"I, well, no. I-I don't. Nothing happened. Those things just happened. I don't know why." I said a bit quickly, and I felt myself getting anxiety. I hated even thinking about this. 

"Are you sure it was nothing? You can tell me anything." he said in a reassuring tone, yet I still couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell anyone.

"It was nothing, okay?!" I said a little louder than I should have, because my dad walked in a minute later looking angry.

"I told you to leave and you come right back? You're pathetic. Get out." he demanded.

"But da-" I started off, but he cut me off.

"Get out." he said.

"Dad, stop! Why are you kicking her out? Because of some drugs? Get the hell over it." Andrew said.

"No, she's eighteen. She should be making better decisions and she takes us for granted and I simply will not have it." he said. 

I just didn't want to be around this anymore, so I ran out. I wanted out and not just out of a home; I wanted out of life.

I continued running until I was a few blocks down and felt so weak that I had to lean against a wall of a building. By now it had to be about 8:00 AM and some people were around. I did receive some weird looks, but I got over it. The next thing I knew, I was being pulled into an alley.