Tortured Within (Jack Barakat)

Chapter Nineteen

Whatever it is couldn't be so bad, though, right? It's probably not even something Jack has done, though. Jack wouldn't hurt me. I know he wouldn't. Oh, God, what if my rapist is out of jail? I literally felt like throwing up right now. It could come up any second now and I needed to know what this is. I looked over and saw Jack walking back over to me. I needed to know what this was.  

"That feels much better." Jack said, sitting back in front of me. "Wait, are you alright? You look like you're going to be sick."  

"What is it? Please tell me he's still in jail. Jack, please. I don't want him to find me. Tell me what Andrew's telling you to fucking tell me." I said, my breathing becoming difficult. Jack's facial expression immediately changed from worried to afraid.  

"What? No, no. He's not out. He's still in jail. Uh, what do you mean what Andrew wants me to say?" He said, stuttering some of his words. I felt relieved that that wasn't it, but then I became even more scared as to what this could be.  

"I swear, I wasn't creeping or reading your texts. It's just your phone lit up so I glanced at it for a second and it was Andrew saying that he told you tell 'her' or he will and that he's giving you until tomorrow morning. I'm assuming her is me, and I'm sorry if I'm getting scared over nothing and that this isn't about me. What happened?" I said casually, being more confident that this couldn't be so bad.  

"Fuck." Jack said before looking down and then running his hand through his hair, looking upset and guilty. "Well, I, shit."  

"What? You what?" I asked, becoming more quiet. I could feel my heart beat increase and I was actually getting scared. I still had hope that this couldn't be so bad, though. Whatever it is, I can move on from and so can he. I had faith that it could.  

"I fucked up, Marley." Jack said. "I fucked up so bad."  

"Babe, it's okay. Just tell me. Whatever it is, I'm sure we can move on from it." I said, moving closer to him and grabbing his hand gently. When he looked up, his eyes were watery and he looked away from my eyes a second after he looked into them.  

"It's not okay. It's not. You're going to fucking hate me." He said.  

"Jack, you're scaring me. What happened?" I said.  

"When you were away, I," he paused and looked up for another second. "Fuck," he said, wiping away a tear that ran down his cheek.  

"Just tell me." I said, becoming more worried than ever.  

"I was at a party. I was having a bad day, so I drank a little too much. There was this girl." He said, before pausing again.  

"Jack, no. Tell me you didn't. No, no, no, Jack." I said as this feeling of pain and betrayal was already hitting me. I had no idea it would be this. "Fucking tell me you didn't."  

"I'm sorry. If I could just take that night back, I would, but I can't. And I'm so fucking sorry." He said, his voice breaking as he rubbed his eyes. "It was the worst decision I ever made. I should have never went to that stupid party. Then I wouldn't have fucking let her lead me to a room. I'm so god damn sorry, Marley."  

"Fuck you, Jack." I said, tears already running down my cheeks. I moved my hand away from his and stood up. "I fucking trusted you. I got help because I knew that if I wouldn't do it for at least myself, I could do it for you. Eventually I did it for myself, but now I feel absolutely worthless. While I was away, fighting every fucking day, you had your fucking fun with a girl you met at a stupid party."  

"Marley, I know. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to ever hurt you." He said, standing up too and looking into my eyes. I could see so much pain, but I wasn't going to let this go.  

"I'm so fucking angry and upset and I'm so tired of putting my trust in people just to be fucking betrayed and fucked with!" I yelled at him. "This is why I didn't want to get involved with you. I didn't want to get close, just to be fucking hurt. Good fucking job, Jack."  

It was silent for a minute or two while we just stood there looking at each other. My anger had passed and right now I just felt empty and sad. Everything was so fucked up right now.  

"I want to leave." I said quietly. I could walk home, but it was getting cold. I'd just have him drive me into down and drop me off somewhere.   

"Let me drive you home." He said.   

I nodded and walked to his car as he got everything together before also walking to the car after I got in. He put it all in the backseat and then got into the car. I avoided looking at him and stared out the window as he started up his car and began driving. The entire drive was silent and I cried for most of it, but tried to make it unnoticeable. He probably did notice and I could even hear him sniffling a few times. He pulled into my parents driveway and as soon as the car stopped, I opened the door. I didn't care if half my shit was at his place. He had bought most of it and I didn't want it.  

"I love you." He said as I got out.   

I didn't even look at him as I slammed his car door shut. I walked to the front door, but then I thought for a second. I didn't want my parents to notice I was here and to ask why I was. I went around the house as I heard Jack driving away. I didn't want to see him again. I got to my backyard and that's when I realized I didn't even want to be home at all. I wanted an escape. My escape.  

I pulled out my phone and searched through my contacts. I read the name "Brody" and hesitated for a second before I tapped the option to call him.  

"Hey, I haven't heard from you for a while. Where have you been, girl?" He answered.  

"Don't worry about it. You think you can hook me up with some coke?"   

"You got money?"  

"Well, actually, that's the problem. I don't."  

"I'm sure we can work something out, then. I've always kind of wanted to fuck you."   

"Whatever. Fine. I don't care anymore. I just need some fucking cocaine."  

"Oh, you'll get some, girl. As long as you let me do what I want to you."   

"Deal."   

I told him where he could pick me up and I waited. I didn't even care anymore about anything. I didn't want to feel right now.