I looked straight ahead as I helped carry my son casket. Mine. Can't believe it but I am. Whole time I'm carryin this casket I'm trynna convince myself that this somebody else. My son ain't dead. He probably just somewhere kickin it wit a old friend. everybody stared but My eyes never moved. We lifted it up and slid it into the car and the door closed. "I love you" I said to ashanti as I hugged her. "I love you too. I hate that you gotta go back at this bad of a time" she said in a cracked voice. "I know ma. Ima be back. I just don't needa be here right now you know. This too much for me" I said as my forehead rested on hers. She nodded as the tears fell. I wiped her face then I kissed her cheek "ima see you soon" I said and she nodded. I know ashanti just let go of a bad drug addiction , I aint trynna see her go through that shit again. And as much as I don't wanna believe it I feel like she will. I said bye to everybody else then I walked away. After a while everybody drove away and everybody else followed but I didn't. I was gone get outta Harlem as fast as I can. I walked over to angel and mariah. "love you" angel said as she kissed mariah's cheek. "Love you too" she said. She smirked at me and hugged me. "Keep your head up okay" she said and I nodded and she kissed my cheek then walked away. Mariah looked at me and smirked. She walked closer to me then grabbed my hand. "I'm gonna miss you" she said. "Ima miss you too baby Ima be back soon" I said and she nodded and her eyes welled up wit tears. I aint like seein her cry. I never did. Shit I don't like seein nobody cry. Especially knowin that I'm the cause of it. I told her she could come wit me but I understand , she got a job and shit So I wasn't really trippin. Chris and them aint make it to the funeral because they flight got cancelled , jessica and babygirl don't even know about it. Everything just all fucked up right now. "I love you" I said. "I love you" she said and I kissed her lips and she held onto my hand. "I gotta go" I said and she had tears rollin down her face. "Stop" I said and she nodded. "I love you baby" she said and pulled my hand back and nodded. I walked away and I glanced back at her and she stared at me. I turned around and shook my head then walked to jamere car and got in. He drove off and I sighed. "You alright man" he asked. I shrugged and shook my head. "I don't know what the fuck I am man" I said in a low voice. "I always got you son. No matter what. The distance is crazy but you know whenever you feel alone I got you my nigga , word. I loved koby man. lil nigga was like a nephew to me. He was a nephew to me. Can't believe he dead" He said and I stared out the window. "He ain't dead b" I said. after that it was quiet. I aint like closin my eyes nomore. Everytime I do I see some bad shit happenin. But then again it don't matter if they open or closed Ima still see some fucked up shit goin on. I think I get put through way too much shit. Shit I know I ain't even gone be able to handle. It's hard. We made it to the airport and I got out. "One" he said as he pulled me into a hug. "One" I said as I patted his back. I grabbed my bags and walked away. I got on the plane and sat in seat. I closed my eyes and headed home..
