Change My Mind

27

   The rain padded against the window for what seemed like days now. Spring was lovely; the flowers started to bloom, the snow melted and air was a tad warmer. Though even the change of weather didn't seem to phase my mood. It was stuck at an all time low.

        It's been four days. Four days since I've last saw Louis, smelled his cologne, looked into his ocean blue eyes, held his soft hands, kissed his perfectly smooth lips. Four days since I've heard his voice, his obnoxious laugh, horrible jokes, quiet hums'. I missed him, a lot. More than a lot. I didn't realise how much he actually meant to me before. 

        Once you spend almost every waking hour with someone, then you go days without even talking to them, your life drastically changes. Some ways good, this case, terribly bad. Course, I've spent longer than four days away from him, yet then we still skyped, talked on the phone, and texted. Also, the realization of knowing  things were over literally broke my heart.

         I used to think there was no such thing as a 'broken' heart. People were just overreacting. Though when I could literally feel the physical pain, not only in my chest, but all over my body. I knew Louis had broken my heart, and it would take an eternity to fix.

                                                                                                                                                        ~

        There was a quiet knock at my door. I stayed in my laying position on my bed that I knew had a permanent mark of my body now. Moments later the door cracked open,

        "What?" I croaked. In came my mother, a look of pity in her eyes. I hated pity.

        "I was just wondering if you were hungry?" She asked, she held a tray with a bowl and other things I couldn't see, on it. I shook my head,

        "I'm not." I lisped. 

        "Katie you've barely eaten anything for the past four days!" She countered. It was true, I ate tiny meals, but I didn't have an apatite. Nothing sounded good or tasty. All I wanted was Louis. 

        "I'm not hungry." I protested. My mother rolled her eyes and sat on the edge of my bed, setting the tray on my bedside table. She pushed the hair out of my face and slowly ran her hands through it. It felt wonderful,

        "Do you want to talk?" She asked. I shook my head. "Talk to me, hun." I sighed,

        "He doesn't love me."  I admitted in defeat. I could already feel my eyes swell, it certainly surprised me that I could cry for this long.

        "That's nonsense." She insisted. I let out a huff of air,

        "He loves Eleanor and not me. He told me himself." I remarked. I felt my face start to become wet, the tears fogged my eyes. My breath was shaky, "But I love him, I love him so much." She pulled me into a hug as I cried onto her shirt, "Why doesn't he love me?" I pled. She stroked my back,

        "Love, is possibly the most complicated thing you will ever feel." she muttered. She just hugged me as I cried. Maybe that was what I really needed; my mom. I needed my mom from the beginning, the moment when I left to California, the moment I came back, and now. I needed her to comfort me, and she always would. She would always be there for me, even when I was rude to her she still loved me the same. 

        "I'm sorry." I blurted. She pulled away and wiped the tears from my face,

        "Of what?" She asked. Her eyebrows scrunched together. She looked tired and worried, all because of me. 

        "I was so mean to you when I first came back." I confessed. She shook her head and hugged me one last time,

        "It's okay darling, I forgive you." That was all I needed to hear. She forgave me and I forgave her. "Now will you please eat?" She asked. I smiled, something I hadn't done in four days. 

        "Yes." She took the tray and laid it on my lap. In front of me was a hot bowl of chicken noodle soup, a piece of bread, and a spoon. I took the spoon and dipped it in the soup. I put it in my mouth and savoured the warm, tasty liquid. My mother sat up from the bed and gave me a kiss on the forehead. She walked back to the door,

        "Katie," She said, she was halfway out the door, 

        "Hmm?" I hummed. 

        "I just want to let you know that, some people are meant to fall in love, but sometimes they're not meant to be together. Just remember the feeling you had with Louis, you'll be okay." She smiled before shutting the door. 

        I felt sick. My heart seemed to break all over again just by hearing his name. People in love were meant to be together. I loved Louis, and I wanted to be with him.

        I set the tray back down on the bedside table and changed into some jeans and an oversized jumper. I walked down stairs to the foyer and pulled on some shoes,

        "Where are you going?" My mother asked from in the kitchen.

        "The Old River."