Break The Cycle

Chapter 42:

Killian POV:

It took a few days, but Emma came home. The hardest part for her was learning not to use her arm. She often did it out of habit, and I would always know because of her use of a swear word that could be heard clear across the house.

The hardest part for me was letting her out of my sight at all. After that first night spent with her in the hospital, I came home to give Henry a sense of normalcy. I didn't plan on having nightmares. In these dreams, Emma didn't wake up. Often, I saw the gun being raised and then I was frozen in place, forced to watch as she was shot and killed before me. My subconscious held nothing back. Other times, she lay on the ground begging me to help as blood came pouring out of her, and she would die in my arms. I would wake up gasping and reaching for her. Then I would have to reassure myself that she was in the hospital, alive and healing. I would go see her every day, not only to keep her company but to prove to myself that she was here. I hoped it would stop the nightmares, but it didn't. Even after she came home, I had them. But I didn't dare wake her up and burden her. Normally, she was a light sleeper, but her pain medicine made her drowsy. She would take her dose during the day and nap in the living room or the bed. The doctor assured her it was normal, that the anesthesia from her surgery had to work its way out of her system.

I took some time off work to help her. I had vacation stored up, originally planning to use it for a trip, but now I was happy to use it to stay by her side. She insisted she would be fine on her own, but I saw her struggle. I never pointed it out, and I only helped her when she asked for it. I knew Emma, she was as stubborn as she was beautiful.

One day I was deep in thought, watching her attempt to make her own lunch with one hand. She turned to look at me and smiled. Her eyes twinkled when she did that, the corners of her mouth creased in the most adorable way. I reached out and twirled a strand of her hair in my fingers. Then it hit me like a damn brick wall.

I couldn't live my life without this woman. If she left me right at that very moment, I would surely fall to pieces. I needed her like lungs need air. I needed her nurturing nature, her stubborn will, and that way she read me like a book. And she had no idea just how attractive she was when she knew exactly what she wanted and how to get it.

"Killian?" She asked me. That voice was like the sweetest melody. I leaned forward and kissed her once.

"How are you feeling, my love?" I asked.

"Alright. But I may need your help." She grinned.

"Anything for you." I said, kissing her cheek.

In due time, she would be ready to hear what was on my mind. But Emma was skittish, and I was patient.

Emma POV:

Killian was looking at me like no one ever had. I knew that look, it was how Robin and Regina looked at each other. I didn't know how to react to it so I did what I always did and changed the mood.

I asked him for help. I didn't want to admit I needed it, but this damn sandwich was hard with one hand. He happily obliged.

I wondered if he knew I caught him looking at me like I was his whole world. I felt like I just became a mom, and one person already needed me so much, I didn't know if I could handle another. Not to mention one that could walk out whenever he wanted. Nope, I definitely wasn't ready for that. Everyone else already walked out of my life, I didn't need someone I loved so much to have that much power over me.

The truth was, I needed Killian. I didn't know what I would do without him, what we would do. Ever since Neal had died, he had been more and more like a father to Henry. I let it happen, my son needed a father figure right now. Call it a test, to see if Killian would stick around. But it had been so long, why couldn't I make myself give in?