Could This Be Love?

Chapter Fifteen: In My Heart...Forever And Always

Everything in my life felt Numb - there was an emptiness inside my soul as I watched them days later lowering Jake into the ground. I was asked to give the Eulogy for Jake and I scrambled for days thinking about what to say. But finally I found myself with something to say.

I looked around the church as I saw friends and family, everyone wearing dark colours - which has always bothered me about funerals. You are supposed to be celebrating the life of someone and yet everyone walks around gloomy and sad.

"Jake Williamson was a great person. He brought joy and happiness into all our lives with his bubbly personality and infectious smile. I didn't know Jake as long as I would've liked to but I still like to think that I knew him pretty well - in the few weeks we were together he brightened my life and showed me how to smile and love again at a time I thought I would never." I say looking up as a tear slips down my cheek. "I think that we all need to do him a huge favour today, instead of sulking and feeling bad - let's celebrate the wonderful things he did for each and every single one of us. When we speak about him let's speak of all the times he made us laugh, and smile and let's keep him in our hearts forever and always." I finished as I stepped down from the podium.

The funeral ended a while later and it seemed that everyone was doing exactly as I had asked and talking about all the fun times they had with Jake. I heard some older people talking about when he was a little boy how he used to come into the house and tell the cheesiest jokes. Everyone seemed to be moving on so fast - everyone except me. Even though I had said the words - I couldn't practice what I'd just preached.

"Thank you for that." Mrs Williamson said coming up to me with tears in her eyes and hugged me for long. She still had numerous scars decorating her face and a bandage around her arm. I feel dreadful for her, not only did she lose her only child but she lost the love of her life also, as Mr Williamson didn't make it either - my father had given the eulogy for him.

I walked outside the church and sat on the chapel step and just held the necklace he gave me on my birthday. The night we made love to each other - I missed him so much but I knew I had to be strong, he wouldn't want to see me cry, he'd want me to smile and be happy like I promised him before he died. I touched my forehead as I couldn't help but cry and smile at the same time - looking probably rather hysterical.

"I don't know how to let you go Jake." I whispered looking up to the sky.

"It's going to be okay." Chad said as he came and leaned down and embraced me.

"Ssh it's going to be alright." He said I just cried deeper into his chest - I thought I was all cried out but clearly I still had a lot more left inside of me.

"I'm here for you, Jenifer." Chad said then placed a small kiss on my temple.

~*~

"Honey we're going out. Do you want to come along?" My mother asks coming into my room.

"No mom, I'm fine." I reply.

"Okay honey, but please promise me that you're going to eat. I know how hard this is for you but it gets easier." She says rubbing my back and kissing my forehead.

"I will and thank you." I say as she exits. I stay there and just sit on my bed and look at all the photos Jake and I took together. I looked at the photo of him sleeping that I took not so long ago.

I miss everything about him - his soft hair and the way he smiled when I played with it. His smile and the way it made me smile, his soft plump lips and how all I ever wanted to do was kiss them all day. His presence - most of all I missed just knowing he was there.

I decided I would print the pictures of him and paste them in a journal where when I was younger I pasted all my greatest memories. I flipped through the book and saw a picture of me without a tooth. And I wrote a little something, I saw another picture of me riding a bike and me going to my first dance when I was thirteen.

I went to the dance with this guy called Hunter Swift who was the sweetest guy in school but then he left and moved elsewhere. I flipped through to the back and saw a picture of Erik and I. I was wearing a white shirt of his and he was laying by the bed next to me and he was smiling and so was I - I was blocking the camera and so all you could see was him to the side, half my face but the biggest smile ever on my face.

I decided I'd paste the pictures of Jake and I after Erik's and I - I paste them in one after the other. I go back to the beginning page and think of what to write at the top as a caption to the small section.

'Love isn't always about how long you're with someone - it's about the memories you make together. So I'm glad I got to make these amazing memories with you.'

~*~

"How are you feeling?" Chad asks speaking into the phone. He has been checking up on me every so often and I really appreciated it a lot.

"I'm feeling so much better, thanks for checking up on me."

"Have you read his letter yet?" He asked me. I thought about the letter that Jake had written me on the notepad in the hospital.

"I haven't been able to read it - not yet."

"Well, you should take your time, I brought pizza by the way, open up." He said then knocked on my door. I hung up the phone and went to my bedroom door.

"How did you get inside?"

"The front door wasn't locked, sorry if that seems like breaking and entering or something."

"Nope its cool." I say grabbing the pizza and realising how not eating for a couple of days can make one so hungry. We sat in my room and talked - I haven't done this in a while and honestly it felt good.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked me.

"You." I said.

"What about me?" He said wiggling his eyebrows.

"I was just thinking about how crazy you are." I said laughing a bit.

"You think it's crazy for me to want to live my life to the fullest?"

"No I was just thinking that you always want to have these fun crazy adventures. I mean its not like you're going anywhere right?"

"Yeah sure," he said running his hand over his buzz cut hair. "I'm thinking of an idea." He said giving me that killer smile of his.

"What is it oh evil master mind?" I asked in suspense.

"Runaway with me?"

"What?" I exclaimed.

"It's only for the last days of the holiday break so tomorrow maybe till Monday next week - five days. Plus we can tell our parents so its not like we're actually running away." He said looking at me with beaming chocolate swirled eyes.

"I'll ask my parents - this could be the break I need before school starts." I say to him. I would love to just randomly go around exploring and just have fun.

"Where would we go though?" I ask getting all excited.

"As far as the road takes us."
~*~

Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think - you know the drill :) √