Never The Same [BTS]

March 23, 2014

After discussing, Dr. Mun left and Yunji quickly fell asleep, exhausted from her panic attack. The Bangtan Boys had tension growing among the members. Jimin and V constantly shot each other suspicious glares. Jin refuses to speak to Suga. Suga is trying to let everything roll off his back, but everyone can tell that he's still holding onto it. Rap Monster and J-Hope were the only remaining members without some sort of escalating antagonism.

"Why don't we start reading the next entry?" Rap Monster suggested.

Everyone nodded and a few shrugged out of reluctance.

"Listen, I know it's depressing, but it's necessary. We promised Jungkook's parents that we would figure out what happened," Rap Monster continued. "Anyone want to read?"
"I'll read," J-Hope answered.

J-Hope grabbed the journal from the table and opened it to the next entry, which surprised him. He began to wonder if he missed an entry, but he was correct. The next entry was more than a month after the last: March 23, 2014.

"School is out! I'm so happy; I can't express my feelings into words. I can finally focus solely on Bangtan and my music and I don't have to worry about Daesul anymore! It's been great anyway. The last few days of school, were pretty quick and painless.

By the way, my parents texted me about my cousin, Yunji. She's a year younger than me and they said that she'll be coming to SOPA to take a tour and audition soon. I really hope she gets in! She's my only cousin and a great friend. So maybe next year, I'll have someone to talk to when things get bad. She's American, so I bet she'll attract a lot of attention the first day of school. Her English name is 'Yvonne'. (Really hard for me to pronounce!) It sounds pretty when she says it, though.

Besides all of that, Bangtan will be going to...Los Angeles, America!!! Yunji lives on the west coast somewhere, but I don't think we'll be able to see her. We were busy rehearsing one day when Bang-nim walked in and told us the news! I'm really excited, but that means I won't be able to write at all since most of the time we'll be working.

I went to Los Angeles during my trainee years for some dance lessons and it was really cool. Ever since we found out, I've told my hyungs about all of my experiences and opinions. They're excited too! This makes Jimin-hyung jealous, though, but it's fun to mess around with him. But, I regret to admit that I'm still not completely over the Jimin-Daesul thing. It's stupid and petty, I know that, but...it's like engraved in my head; I can't get it out. Aigoo! I just wish I had never met Daesul.

And all of this thinking about Daesul has got me thinking about Miso and I can't get either of them out of my head! Miso is so beautiful in my mind. Oh, shit! Now that I realize that we're going to L.A., I remember that she wants to go there after college to work as an actress... Why does life have to be so cruel? I wish I could just go to sleep...

I'm not good at articulating these thoughts. They just stay bottled up inside of me, waiting to explode. But when? I don't know. I think by the time I find out it'll be too late. I need something to get rid of these emotions; something to kind of numb the pain... But what?

—

It's been four hours since I've last written and I've realized that I've finally reached my goal weight!  It took a while because of celebrations and parties, but I finally did it. Last time I wrote down my weight, I had lost 7 kg. But since then, I've lost 3 more and it was hard. But I did it! And I feel great! Let me write it down so I can see it easily:

Starting Weight (SW): 62 kg
Goal Weight (GW): 52 kg
Current Weight (CW): 52 kg

When I saw the number, I smiled. I finally felt like I was doing something right. Maybe because I was. But instead of seeing mutual feelings in my manager and hyungs' faces, all I saw was downright fear and...maybe sadness? I couldn't really make it out. The manager never said a thing, but I think something's up. I don't think he was satisfied. But after the manager left, my hyungs started to...attack me.