Never The Same [BTS]

April 7, 2014

"'왜 그래요?' ('Why are you like this?')" Rap Monster read aloud with evident irritation. "What the hell? Why are you like this, Miso?"

He tossed his phone aside, not even bothering to shut it off, and groaned. J-Hope took it and scrolled through the conversation.

Have any questions? Feel free to ask as many as you like...

Isn't 2014 considered the "Worst Year for K-Pop"?

Missing something?

Who do you think is worse: Miso or Isaac?

Miso.

He couldn't figure out why Miso was doing this to them. J-Hope was almost certain that she didn't completely hate Jungkook. Although his whole world was falling apart because of the journal, he knew that he had to read it because it would give them answers. And maybe Miso was the same way.

"The 'Just One Day' MV was released yesterday. So far the ARMYs really like it. I feel pretty good about it too, but at the same time, I'm kind of worried. I don't want to disappoint people—especially our fans.

Speaking of disappointment, I'm pretty sure I'm burdening the company and my hyungs. I still don't completely understand it, but, I'm not allowed to go to the gym anymore. Manager-nim has been speaking to Namjoon-hyung and Jin-hyung in private a lot. I know it's about me. Whenever they return, I could feel their heavy stares on me. I've also been forced to eat more. Jin-hyung has been giving me more food. And I don't know what else to do with it than to eat it. It scares me. I don't know how much I've gained. 

I've heard stories from other trainees before I debuted. Well, maybe more like rumors. Anyway, the trainees would diet because the company told them to. Pretty standard stuff. Then, they go to their monthly check and they're told to eat more and exercise less to gain more weight. This is where it gets strange. So after they eat more and gain some more weight, they return to the next monthly check and they're told:

'You've gained too much. You need to be lighter. Skinnier. Thinner. Is it that you're not working hard enough? Lose some kilos; it'll do you some good. Especially if you want to live up to your future fan's standards, the company's standards, and most importantly, your standards...'

Then, the trainee is stuck in this dreadful cycle of being too fat and too skinny. It's pretty black and white. I don't know what will happen, but I feel like I'm being pulled into that cycle... I don't want to, though. I've never been this scared in my life...

But, to brighten my mood, we're going to America in a few days to film our reality show, American Hustle Life. We'll be learning about hip-hop and American culture. I'm actually really excited for it! Last time I was in America, I didn't have much time to enjoy the beach or go to restaurants. I think we'll have more down time on this trip. It hasn't been long since our trainee days, but it feels like an eternity.

I don't know if I'll have time to write again before I leave, so I guess I'll leave on that note.

—

I can't stop thinking about Miso-noona. Going to America, to LA, the place she wants to be in the future as an actress brings back all the memories we shared. I don't know if I'll be able to dance, sing, or even think right now. My brain is completely bombarded with her unforgettable essence. I miss her so much...

I guess that means I really am falling head over heels for her...," J-Hope read.

"How could someone like Jungkook fall for a bitch like Miso?" Suga asked. "She doesn't deserve him. He deserves someone so much better."
"Well, some people choose the love they think they deserve," Yunji said, thinking of The Perks of Being a Wallflower. "It kind of makes sense too. Jungkook-oppa really seems to get in the way of himself. He doesn't give himself enough credit."

Suga was barely listening, dissociating from the reality of the pain of the world. He was holding Jungkook's phone in his hands. There were 13 messages still unread. Isaac, Miso, Mr. Jeon, and Mrs. Jeon. But they had forgotten about the phone and it locked itself. And Jungkook wasn't around to unlock it for them. The 13 messages were torturing Suga.

Jimin, on the other hand, couldn't stop thinking about Jungkook. The past hour has been so traumatizing. No one knew whether Jungkook would live or not. He's physically so fragile and just now, everyone's realizing that.

"Agreed," Jin said. "I wish he understood that."

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Namjoon's eyes rushed over and slowly approached the door. He was hoping it was the doctor to tell them that maybe Jungkook was stable and that there was a better chance that he would wake up. He was hoping that the doctor would be there just to say it was okay. But he opened the door and saw Bang-nim. He only felt an anxious feeling wash over him. Then, felt a vibration from his phone.

Why don't you get in contact with Daesul? Here's his number: 739-4327. Then tell me, who do you think is worse: Miso, Isaac, or Daesul?
Unknown Caller — Friday, September 31, 2016