Loving You. . .

Want and Need

" you is kind. You is smart. You is important." The help
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When growing up with a family like mine, things are taken for granted, my effort, my emotional instability, my need to please them and everyone around me. I moved to Cali when I was tree years old, I had moved to a country that spoke a different language and I had to learn it, and I did, but that wasn't enough. I grew up watching my parents scream at each other, I watched my dad leave so many times that the thought of him leaving again, scared the living fuck out of me, just the thought of an argument, gives me anxiety. I feel like my only purpose in life is to please everyone around me, I put myself last.

That's is still me, but for once in my life I want to do what is best for me, what I want for myself. Everyone, except my family, thinks that I have a great future ahead of me. I wish they could see that, I wish they could see how much other people want to be around me because I help them bring out the best in them.
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I am in my pre-calc class and I'm seating I front of Cassia, a friend of mine that speaks the truth and only the truth. Cassia has made it clear that she hates Alex. 

"Please tell me you didn't go to the dickhead first about this. He is doing it on purpose. He wants you to give him control of your life and you are Mia. Can you see that?" She tells me. Class hasn't started so we are allowed to talk.

"No he isn't, he is trying to make me feel better. He wants me to fight for my dream." I explain to her.

"That's not true. He is doing this to get you to fight with your family. He wants you to depend on him. He wants to have you at an arms length, he wants you to have no one so he can still treat you like crap and for you to always go back."

"Okay class. Let's get started." Mr. B instructed the class. I turned around to look at him. He is a 45 year old math teacher, with half his hear gone and wears glasses. He is a very boring teacher, he knows that I think this because for the past few weeks I have been making it noticeable by playing games on my phone. He doesn't say anything because I always get good grades in his class. If it were any one else they would get in trouble. He continues the lesson on range and domain, boring.

After class, Cassia waits for me.

"I don't wanna see you get hurt. I know guys like him." She tells me right when I get out from the classroom. As we are walking down the hallway I run into Alex and his friends.

"Hey, watch where you are going." I here Alex as a stumble my way out of his crowed. Thank God Cassia pulled me out.

"I told you, come on, let's take you to art."
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"Why does art become so hard when it's for a grade? I'm more pressured by this than I am of math." I complain as I, yet again, erase my drawing.

"Do be so judgmental about your art. It's pretty." Says Cara. "What is this one about?" She asks me.

"It's a drawing of me, I'm made up of beautiful flowers." I tell her.

"Why is she crying?" She asks with curiosity in her tune.

"Cuz she lost hope in her dream." I turn back to my drawing and we don't speak of anything else for the rest of the period.
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"Eat something." I hear Cassia say. I'm not paying attention to her, I am too busy trying to finish reading my book.

"I'm good." I tell her without turning from my book.

"Mia Rose Belmonte, eat your damn food before I shove it down your throat myself. Don't tempt me cuz you know I will." She demands.

"Fine." I grab a grape from my plate and I put in my mouth. "Happy. One grape is fine." I tell her and I turn back to my book.

"At least tell me you eat when you get home." She says with defeat.

"Yeah. By then I'm hungry." I lie. It's better this way, it helps them sleep at night.

The bell rings signalizing that her attempts to get me to eat are over for the day.
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I'm waiting for Cassia in the hallway when Alex comes and stands next to me.

"Hey."

"Alex, I suggest you leave. Mark has class in there and if he sees you talking to me he will go to my dad." I warn him.

"Who is Mark, Mia?" There is an edge to his voice.

"Remember, the guy that works with my dad. The guy my family thinks I'm going to marry." I say as I look around to see if anyone is looking.

"Oh him. Well I can assure you, that you won't be marrying him."

"And why is that? Alex. Am I not wife material?" I ask.

"Oh you are wife material. But he doesn't have a chance. You are Princess Mia. Someone from this school isn't good enough for you." He tells me and walks away. That was a weird conversation.

Cassia walks out of her classroom and after her Mark appears.

"Hey, how was Physics?"

"I hate science. I am never going to understand it." I complain to Cassia.

"I can tutor you." Mark offers with a smirk on his face.

"Ewe, no thank you." He leaves right when I am done talking.

"Hahahaha. You know he is going to tell you dad, right." Cassia laughs the whole way to our next class.

"I hate you." I tell her right before I enter class.

Okay. Not the best, but it covers a day in the life of Mia without Alex. There will not be a lot of these.