"Loving you was the most exquisite form of self destruction." -- d.j
We grow up with the idea, that someday, our Prince Charming will come, on a white horse and take us away from our misfortunes, but never once did we think that he could be the re...
"Think of all the beauty that is still left and be happy." Anne Frank
What I love about December is not just that it is my birthday or Christmas time, but that it is the only time where I feel like I'm part of my family. I don't feel as alone as I feel all year around, I think that it is the only time when my demons let me rest. It's the only time when I'm not scared to be me.
I love how rain washes away all the bad that has happened in that year, it lets you start the year feeling new, you let go of all your misfortunes.
The smell of burned wood is in the air, I think that's what I love most. It makes me feel warm on a cold winter day, it reminds me that no matter how cold I might feel, at home, the warmth will be waiting for me. I think that that is the most comforting aspect of December.
Today is December 24, it is Christmas in my family. Today we make dinner, we party, and at exactly 12:00 am we open presents. We go to sleep around 3 in the morning, only to wake up at 8 am to eat left-overs and get ready to spend the day in the mountains.
Here in Cali, we don't get snow in the city, we get it on the mountains. My family has made it tradition to spend every Christmas Day in the snow, they want us to have a white Christmas. It's a tradition that we don't break, it's a tradition that we look forward to it as much as the presents.
I have smile on my face as I'm getting ready for dinner, we are Latinos so our dinners are until 8 or 9 at night, so I have a long time to get ready. I will be wearing a white short dress with flower patterns, black tights, black and white heels with a white bow, and a black headband.
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It's barely 4 pm, but Vanessa has dinner early so I'm going there first and then going back to my house to be with my family.
When I knock on her door, Alex opens it, he is wearing a light gray suit, that makes him look even more hot than he already is. I walk to him a give him a hug, but he has other plans. He gives me a quick kiss on the lips, that makes me want more. He stares at me for a second and then looks down at my outfit.
"You look good,Mimi."
"Thank you, Alex. You too. Merry Christmas." I say as I give him another hug.
"Christmas is tomorrow, but I'll except. Merry Christmas, Mimi." He holds me in his arms. I turn and see Vanessa looking at us from the kitchen. I let go and he looks at me and give me a question look.
"Vanessa! Merry Christmas." I say as I let go of Alex and I rush to her, I give her a hug.
"Merry Christmas!"
Vanessa is wearing Capri pants, a blouse that looks more like a t-shirt, a silver vest, with beige heels.
"It's Christmas and you are wearing pants. Really Vane?" I give her a fake disgusted look. "I wanna feel comfortable. Let's go to the kitchen." She grabs my hand and pulls me to the kitchen.
"We made tamales. Do you want some?" Before I have the chance to answer Alex walks in.
"Yeah, she'll get some." He responds for me.
"Um, actually I'm good. I'm eating later with my family. Thank you though." I turn to him.
"When was the last time you ate, Mia?" He gives me a serious face.
"Please don't start with this." I plead. "It's Christmas. I don't want to talk about it, Alex."
"Just eat one." He says and walks into his room.
"Go talk to him, he feels bad about what happened on my birthday. He needs to know thanks you are okay."
"Okay, I'll speak with him." I turn and walk to his room.
"Alex. What's going on?" I walk in and sit on his bed. He is laying on his bed with is arm behind his head.
"I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I didn't know that I could hurt you that bad, Mimi. Are you sick?" You can see the hurt and regret in his eyes. He moves to a sitting position, and gets a hold on my hand.
"I...I'm okay. I'm not sick." I say and I turn to look away from him.
"Did I do this to you? Mia, I want to know if I caused this." I can hear the desperation in his voice. Tell him. Tell him how his words hurt you. Tell him that you weren't like this, that you never saw a problem with your weight until he mentioned it. Tell him the truth, he needs to know what his words have done to you. It's okay to tell him the truth, he wants to know, no matter how much it will hurt him.
"No, you didn't do anything." I give him a smile. "I want you to forget about what happened, I'm okay."
"Okay, I just wanted to make sure." He leans in and captures my lips. I'm surprise, not because he kissed me, but in the way he was gentle. For the first time this kiss didn't mean 'I own you' but felt like a simple 'I want to take the pain away'.
After couple minutes later Vanessa walks in and we talk about school and our friends. I end up spending dinner with them and I make it home 5 minutes 'till midnight. ******************************************** "You were with your boyfriend, huh?" I jump in surprise. It's my mom's friend's son, Oscar. "What? I don't have a boyfriend." I say as I walk pass him to the kitchen.
"I don't believe. Someone like you probably has a line of guys just waiting. Anyone would be lucky to have someone as sweet as you."
"Nope. And thank you, tell that to guys." I give him a smile.
"Que hacen?" I hear my dad.
"Nada." We both say at the same time. I walk to my da and give him a hug.
"We were just talking."
"Okay." I can see that he doesn't believe me.
He is a dad, any guy near his princess, he assumes that they want something.
"Merry Christmas!" We all say at the same time and the hugs begin.
I like this, my family all together. All smiles and laughs, I wish it could always be like this. It's so fulfilling, so full of life.
