Loving You. . .

Hot and Cold

"He is so tall and handsome as hell, he is so bad but he does it so well." Taylor swift (wildest dreams)
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August 20, 2012

Right when I open the door I am attacked by well known lips. The minute his lips are on mine I respond, I've been waiting for some alone time with him, but we haven't had the chance. I miss you. Where did that come from? Mia stop it right now. His lips stop moving. No. Wait, don't stop. He is ready to turn when I grab him by the neck.

"No. Wait, don't stop." And I kiss him. Did I really just say that? I'm going crazy, I'm suppose to stop him. Why am I still kissing him. Mia stop kissing Alex. I continue to Kiss him and I pull him more toward me.

His hands move from behind my neck to my waist, gripping me like his life depended on it.

Goodness, how I've missed your lips. How I've missed your touch. How I've missed you. I love you. What did I just think!

I push him away and I look into his eyes.
"Why did you just do that?" I demand.

"Felt like kissing you. I see nothing wrong, and besides you kissed back." He smiles at me.

I push him further away from me and I walk pass him. I can't believe he did this again, gawd how much I hate him. Why can't he find himself a girlfriend so we can stop this mouse and cat game?
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"What took you so long?" Vanessa asks as I walk into the dinning table where my plate has been set.

"I had to pee." I state as I turn to her mom.

"Gracias". (Thank you)

"¿Qué, se olvidaron de mi?" (What? You forgot about me?)

"We try, cuz we don't like you" I smirk as I turn to look at Alex.

"Haha very funny, girl who lives here more than at her own home." He retorts, while finding a sit next to me.

"Oh please, your sister wants me here more than she wants you."

"Yeah right, who wants an annoying little whining bitch." I turn to look away so he won't see the hurt in my eyes.

Seconds later I feel a hand on my lap and I turn to him. He has a smile. I then put my hand under the table to grab his and I smile. We stay like this, holding hands for the remainder of our lunch.

This is normal, we kiss and we argue and then we kiss. Again. We like to get in each other's hair. It's what we do. Do I like it? No, but it's the only way I can have him. We have an unofficial non-exclusive agreement. We kiss, make out, hold hands, care for one another, but no one could know. Friends with benefits. Why I'm doing this? I want to live, be young, for once, be selfish, I want to have a secret of my own. And Alex was there, with his gold color hair and beautiful blue eyes.
I know that I'm falling for him, but my hope is telling me that he will be there to catch me.
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"Tori is coming back to Cali for vacation in a couple of weeks." I turn my head away from my book and I stare at Vanessa.
We are now laying on her bed, I'm reading a book, while she reads a magazine. This was our daily routine.

"She told you?" I ask nonchalantly. It's not that I don't miss her, I do. It's just that it's different now, we are different.

"Yeah. . . I'm actually a good friend that still keeps in touch, you know?"

"It's different, you know. Having her here and talking then being states away and texting." I say with a sad smile.

"Well, she is coming back for me, cuz you guys were boring." Comes a voice from the doorframe.

Alex comes in and lays next to me. He is wearing a plaid button-up shirt, that makes him look even more hot, and jeans that hang on his hips.
"I was sometimes fun." I murmur. While I pretend not to be fazed by his presence.

"That you were. But now, so much more fun." He whispers in my ear. My heart starts to beat really fast. He sends chills down my body. How does he do that? I can't do this anymore. He is making it harder for me to not fall for him.
"What are you reading?" He changes topic very fast.
I look up at him and I show him the book with a smile on my face.
"Into the Wild." He reads the title. "What is this one about? Another princess falling in love with her prince and living happily ever after? Or another vampire falling for a human and living happily ever after?" He mocks me.
"Actually it's about a man who goes hitchhiking and finds himself only to die in the wild." I tell him while I continue reading the last few pages.
"Well isn't that depressing." He says as he takes the book from my hands and throws it to the other side of the room.
"Really?" I give him my best 'stop messing with me' look. I get up from the bed to get my book back. "If you would only just read it you would understand why I don't find it depressing." I pick up the book from the floor and I make my way to the bed again. "I wish to die like him, I wish to die knowing that I have done what my heart wants. I wish to die knowing that I have experienced life at its fullest." 
He springs out of bed in a heart beat, he grabs me by my arm before I get the chance to lay on the bed.
He is seething with anger.
"Don't you fucking say shit like that. Don't talk about death like if it is going to happen soon."
I turn to look at Vane and she looks scared for my life.
"You will not die soon, you are to young to die. Stop talking about death like if it is something casual." He puts more pressure in my arm and I feel pain, he is going to leave a bruise.
"All I'm saying is that when I die, I want to have no regrets. I'm not saying I'm going to die tomorrow or anytime soon, Alex. There is so much that I haven't done." I'm talking in a low voice. Lowering my eyes, not daring to look into his, knowing full well that they are filled with anger directed towards me. "So much that I haven't seen, all because everyone makes those choices for me. This book gives me hope that one day I'll be able to leave this stupid place. Cali isn't home, it will never be the place where I want to stay." I look up at him as I continue talking. "Cali is just a stop along the way. Soon I'll be in Oregon, in a small town and calming scenes. Where people go to escape big cities."
"Why isn't Cali good enough to be your home?" His voice has lowered and his grip has loosened. "Your family is here, the people that love you are here."
"The people that love me?" I pull my arm from his loosened grip. "Where are they,Alex? I don't see them anywhere. Are you talking about my family? You know the ones that walk away when things get out of hand or the ones that want to control every fucking breath I take." I walk out of Vane's room and Alex follows me out. "I want to leave them behind, for once I don't want to be the one that get left, I won't allow them to leave me again."
Alex grabs my hand preventing me from walking away.
"I won't let them hurt you, not again." He says to me as he pulls me into his arms. "You can always count on me, Mimi. Don't forget that."