LDBM

Chapter 12: PAIN OF LOVE

TOM KAULITZ

I ran after Bonnie into the hotel. God what the fuck was I thinking? How could I be so stupid? I don't know what came over me. One moment Ria and I were laughing talking about old times then the next she's in my arms.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" I screamed at Bill who looked shocked and dumbfounded.

"ME! MICH?" he responded. "I was taking Bonnie to dinner at Shane's. But what do we see? You with your fucking tongue down Ria's fucking throat! Why the fuck is Ria even here? Did you invite her here? What the fuck Tom!" Bill was fuming, more angry than I would have imagined. I guess he truly did love Bonnie as a sister to defend her so severely.

I paced the hallway of the hotel room banging on the locked door to my room.

"Of course not. She was already here across from our fucking photo-shoot and she invited me to dinner. BONNIE!" I yelled. "Open the door baby, please!"

Bill huffed and puffed in rage.

"And you accepted her invitation? You didn't think there was anything wrong with that?"

Bill was displeased with me and could not help his anger. He turned from me wiping his face from the heat of his cheeks. Georg and Natalie both came out of their rooms dressed in white robes looking confused.

"What's all the noise?" Georg asked jokingly. One look on Bill's face told him he was not in a joking mood. "Everything all right?" he asked sounding very concerned.

"ASK HIM!" Bill said pointing to me.

"Oh fuck off Bill".

Bill puffed through his nose and made a weird snort of sarcastic laughter from my response.

"ME? ME!" he screamed. "You fuck off! Stupid idiot! I took Bonnie to Shane's and Tom is there after his date with Ria kissing her then inside her cab with her."

Georg and Natalie both were stunned and lost for words.

I turned from the door immediately.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I wasn't going to fuck her!"I lied. 

 Bill looked at me and saw right through me; right through my lie. A second later, the bedroom door opened and Bonnie came storming out rolling her suitcase, carrying a huge bag under her arm and holding her purse, which was over flowing with stuff.

"Bonnie, baby! Please don't go! I'm sorry, nothing happened! We just went to dinner! I'm so sorry, I love you!" I screamed, following her to the elevator doors.

She jerked her body around quickly and exposed her red swollen tear dripped face.

"Fuck you Tom!"

I grabbed her arm and the bags fell from her hands spilling over onto the floor. She yelled in anger and quickly went to pick up her stuff. I leaned down to help her and she yelled at me again and began to cry hysterically.

"Baby, please! I'm so sorry! I love you! That meant nothing, Ria meant nothing!"

She looked up at me, tears rolling down her cheeks as she heaved out the words.

"Tom, I saw you kissing her! YOU WERE KISSING HER AND I SAW YOU GET IN HER CAB! YOU WERE GOING TO FUCK HER!"

I shook my head consoling her and assuring her that I was not.

"I promise!" I said. "I don't love her, I love you! I promise nothing was going to happen."

"HOW DO I KNOW THAT!" she yelled. "How the fuck am I supposed to even believe you? How do I know that you didn't invite her here just for this purpose?!"

I continued to shake my head as I eased closer and closer to her, hoping that this would calm her.

"I didn't invite her, we met by chance and I, I, I didn't know what to do. I panicked and I said yes to dinner and it just happened and I am so sorry but I promise you it didn't mean any fucking thing at all! NOTHING!" I pleaded.

She gathered all of her bags and stuffed them back under her arms.

"You went to dinner with her, you lied to me about your 'friend' being in town only for tonight and all that bullshit. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE ANY FUCKING THING THAT YOU SAY?!"

Tears were pouring out of Bonnie eyes and I myself felt my eyes starting to water. I was losing it; I was losing her. She pressed the elevator button again and I raced over towards her.

"Don't go baby, please don't go!" I cried out.

She pushed my hand away from her body and stopped the elevator door with her hand as it arrived. She stood there for a moment looking at me with sore red eyes.

"I'm pregnant Tom"

My eyes popped out of my head and I stood there as still as a statue confused and in disbelief at what I just heard.

"Yeah", she said slowly nodding her head. Tears began flooding her face again as she spoke. "It wasn't food poisoning; it was a baby. Your baby. Now I don't know what I want to do. I'm three months pregnant with your baby and I am frightened. I am scared shitless! I'm afraid to have a baby with you the way you are now and every day since I found out, I've been debating whether to keep this baby or not. What good what it do? Were you ready? Am I ready? So many questions and I did not have the answer nor the guts to tell you the truth. I love you so fucking much Tom, SO MUCH, but I cannot have this baby with you. You left me for Ria without a question, without a thought. It was that easy or you. If it wasn't Ria, it may have been someone else. I will never know. I guess it's my fault for thinking you could be faithful to me. Tom Kaulitz of Tokio Hotel, this known womanizer settling down with one woman. That is my fault, I should have known better than that and I paid the price for being so goddamn naive. I am sorry Tom but I cannot have this baby. Please let me go. Please do not follow me. I need my space from you and after what you did, at least honor that for me. Please, I cannot see you."

The elevator doors closed and I fell to my knees. Bill came running over to me holding me. I looked up at my twin brother who was also crying. He held me, rubbing my hair and rocking me as I grabbed him weeping uncontrollably. She was gone and as much as I wanted to go after her, I respected her wish for me to let her go. I knew if I followed her, it would only cause more damage. My nose, mouth and eyes dripped with tears snot and saliva as I held onto my brother harder and harder. Hoping that Bonnie would come back. 'Pregnant'  I kept saying to myself. How could I not notice? I felt horrible that she even felt that she could not tell me. I proved her right. I did purposely lie to her tonight, I was being sneaky because what I was doing was wrong, and had she not showed up when she did, I would have fucked Ria. 

Bonnie wanted nothing to do with me, not even my baby she was carrying and I wept knowing that I caused it all.