Love Don't Break Me:
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to date a member of Tokio Hotel? Well Bonnie did just that.
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Bonnie and her two best-friends attends the New York concert of TOKIO HOTEL. They go with excitement knowing they would...
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BILL KAULITZ
After weeks of testing, Bonnie and I found out the paternity of the twins. It was a very complex, intricate, and expensive procedure but it had to be done. Tom was in the dark for everything except when he had to go and be sampled. Bonnie told him that it was procedure. That twin pregnancies are very complicated and for their sake, she wanted to test for everything and that required a lot of time and blood-work from him. He was more than accepting and went freely. She kept their appointments short as well as talked through most of it. It was awkward and we both felt like the horrible people we had become. In the end, we found out the results.
The twins were mine.
The testing was 99.9% sure that I was the father and Tom, with his twin DNA, was only 66%. The tour was amazing but I was happy to be home. While I love touring, I could not face Tom for most of it. All he did was talk about how much he missed Bonnie, Sophie and the twins. How happy he was and being his confidant, it was me who he expressed this joy to on a daily basis. I could not take it. I resorted to my room most nights, saying I was too tired to party, and remained sober to avoid spilling the truth. When we arrived in the states, Bonnie informed Tom of all that had to be done. He was on such a natural floating high that he did not think to suspect the clouds were hovering because of a storm.
Every day is a challenge. I have to sit and watch, as my children grow strong and healthy with each new day. I see Bonnie's belly getting bigger and bigger yet I cannot do a thing about it. I want to feel them kick, I want to hear their heartbeat, and I want their ultrasound picture in my wallet. I see Tom and Bonnie relaxing on the sofa and I have to stand there beside the elephant and watch him kiss all over her. Kiss and rub all over her beautiful growing caramel belly. I find myself holding napkins to my mouth after biting my tongue from all that I want to say. I want to scream out: "THEY ARE MY SONS!" but I cannot.
I have so many emotions right now that sometimes I do not know how to manage them all. At times I am happy, I figure, I am thirty years old, healthy and having two beautiful twin boys. Then times I think, I am disloyal. I betrayed my soulmate and I have mixed feelings of what I should actually feel. I love Tom. I love my brother more than anything on this earth. I have no world without him in it because I cannot imagine living my life without him. Yet at the same time, I cannot help how I feel. I love Bonnie. I have for years and yet I hid it because of the circumstances. I made a move and she gave me a chance that completely turned our world around. That chance resulted in my boys and I do not think I can go on with my life and watch my brother father my children.
Bonnie have remained neutral in all of this. Despite her giving me the best sex I ever had in my life, she has kept her distance. Sex was all she gave me. She has distanced herself from me and make excuses to why she wants to be alone if Tom leaves us. We no longer go everywhere together, she only talks to me when she has to, and I know when she sees me with Sophie, it pains her when it never did before. I will not lie and say that I have not been different to Sophie because I have. Tom may not notice but I know that Bonnie does and I know she knows where it's coming from. I want to be a father to my sons and I am practicing parenting with Sophie. I offer to watch her more, I take her out for strolls, and I find myself buying her stuff every time I go out.
