Love Don't Break Me:
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to date a member of Tokio Hotel? Well Bonnie did just that.
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Bonnie and her two best-friends attends the New York concert of TOKIO HOTEL. They go with excitement knowing they would...
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TOM KAULITZ
...fourteen weeks later...
LA. The place where you come to feel free, to be alive, to find happiness and dream. For me, it is torture. Riding through the streets and seeing nothing but happy smiling faces. Coming home every day to an empty bed. The next day after Bonnie left me I called my mom and had to tell her everything that happened. She was furious with me and I was surprised when she told me she already knew about the baby. She said Bonnie made her promise not to tell a soul until she knew what she wanted to do. I had my mom go to my place immediately to check for Bonnie . She was not there. When I arrived, I noticed that everything was the same. Nothing was missing or moved out of place. All of her clothes were still there, neatly hanging and folded in her closet, her makeup, her scent. Everything about her was still there in LA but her.
I had no idea where she was or who she was with. Her phone was disconnected and she stopped using her Facebook and Instagram. The first place I called was her mom's house. By this time, I knew she had told her mother; she did. She cursed me out something horrible but then she told me that Bonnie was not with her but she was safe. I begged her for Bonnie's number or anything I could use to get in contact with her, I pleaded to know where she was but all she told me was that she was safe. For months, I have been a zombie. The food have no taste, the jokes are no longer funny and my life seem meaningless. Interviews are brutal; I force to display my old happy joking self while inside I am slowly dying.
Bill and I made up instantly. Although he was still quite mad at me those first few weeks he forgave me and have been trying to cheer me up. I was hoping that if Bonnie did not respond to me, she would at least try to contact Bill. She hasn't. It's like she's disappeared off the face of the fucking earth.
It was hard to think about the baby. I actually tried to not think about it. She told me she did not want to be with me or have the baby so I knew what that meant. I wish I would have known but then again I still do not know how I would have reacted. To be honest, I am not ready for a baby. I don't think she was either. I cannot begin to imagine what would have happened if she kept it. My career, our fans, our lives would be completely different and I am not sure if I want that to change. I did know that I missed her. I'm also proud to say that since that night my arms have not been around anyone else. Although I have been tempted, and I mean by some amazingly stunning women, I just can't. Even though I have no idea, where she is or what she is doing, I feel that Bonnie and I are not finished yet. I want her to know that I was truly faithful to her and that what happened with Ria was a stupid fucking mistake that would never happen again. I have not spoken to Ria or seen her since; when she disappeared in that cab it was as if she left my life for good. That is the way it needs to be. I know now that Ria was a mistake, the relationship, as well as meeting her and agreeing to go out with her for a 'friendly' dinner. Nothing is 'friendly' about what we had and I should have been honest with Bonnie and myself.
