LDBM

Chapter 13: RUN, RUN, RUN

BONNIE 

I arrived at Flughafen München (Munich Airport), just in time to make the 1:50 a.m. red eye to New York City. The terminal was busy. Europe was completely different from the states; everyone was wide-awake bustling, laughing and talking. I was careful to use my debit card and not my credit card Tom had given me. I knew he would check the statement and I did not want him to know where I was going. For a moment, I did not even know where I wanted to go. I could not go back to LA; I didn't want to stay with my mom or siblings. I wanted to go somewhere Tom would never think to look and that is when Vivian popped in my head.

I have not spoken to Viv in quite some time. We text occasionally but unfortunately we just separated. She was very busy modeling and me moving to LA, we kind of lost touch.

Well, that is actually not entirely true. See, Vivian did not approve of me living with Tom. She thought it was a horrible idea and she could not believe that I would give up my life and business to be with him. While I argued that, I would never do that, four months into the relationship I did exactly what she predicted. Tom, being the sarcastic, protective and socially awkward person that he is, did not like this very well. He did not like Vivian and with the months apart from her, I knew he would never think I would go there. When I called her, she answered on the first ring, maybe because it was 7:30 in the morning and I have not talked to her in months. I immediately burst into tears trying to scramble words together to make a sentence. I couldn't control my tears and she reacted how I hoped she would and said of course. I told her all about tonight, Ria, Tom, the baby, my flight time and my arrival. She comforted me with her conversation and listening ear.

I walked toward the door leading to the ramp for the plane. My carry-on bag was full of disheveled clothing, my laptop and a few books.

"Ticket please" the flight attendant asked.

I fumbled through my bag then showed it to her.

"How many months?" she asked staring at my now exposed stomach.

I hurried to pull my shirt down. I packed my bags and ran out of the hotel in such a hurry that I did not bother to look at what I was wearing. My pants were the same from dinner but I was hot in a rage and decided to change my shirt to this white button-up top. It was clear that it was too small for me from the stressed buttons around my mid-section. The flight attendant looked at me with her big blue eyes smiling and waiting for my response.

"Umm, three months" I said taking my ticket back from her.

"Really? Well look out there, you might have twins on your hands." She made a small sincere laugh, told me congratulations and to enjoy my flight.

I sat in the half-seated plane looking out towards the runway. The sky was pitch black with grey clouds and the lights of the city beyond sparkled in the distance. I pulled my book out in hopes to take my mind off what just happened. I stared at the same words on the paper for what seemed like forever and only stopped when the words became a blur. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and falling into the pages of my book. I quickly wiped my tears as the pilot came on the speakers to greet us. Twenty minutes later, we were in the sky high above the clouds. As we flew over Germany, I tried not to think about Tom. I tried to get him out of my thoughts, out of my heart. I could not. He was there, somewhere below me, he was there. Maybe still standing there with tears coming out of his brown round eyes, maybe somewhere making love to Ria. I poured my face into my hands trying to think of something else, anything else. Anything that would push him out of my mind.

The pilot informed us that we could connect to the in-flight network and I pulled out my laptop. I opened my Facebook and saw that I had eleven new messages. I could only imagine what my phone notifications looked like.

Ten messages were from Tom. Some were long messages pleading and some were short, but they all ended the same.

"I'm sorry. I love you. I fucked up. Please call me."

One message was from Bill:

Bonnie, I' am so sorry. Tom is such a stupid fucking idiot but he loves you. More than he knows. More than he ever allowed himself to know and I think it scares him. I cannot explain Ria so I will not try. I will leave that up to him. He said it was just a coincidence and he panicked. I do not believe him. I think it should have ended where it began. I hope you are okay. I hope the baby is okay. Let me know if you need anything. Let me know that you are somewhere safe. Whatever you decide to do, know that I am here for you and that I love you - I love you so much.