LDBM

Chapter 21: BREAK AWAY

BONNIE

I sat on the toilet seat with my hand between my legs. I sat the white sticks on the counter top, wiped, and then flushed the toilet. After washing my hands, I walked out of the bathroom into my bedroom and laid on my empty California King bed. Tom was out with Bill and Sophie buying groceries and I told them I would stay behind to deal with my business. Before the video leak, Tom and I just finished with my contractors for my new Beauty Salon/Spa/Clothing Store in Beverly Hills. Then the tape came out, I had my Grand Opening Party and left moments later.

I did not want to stay and talk with anyone. I knew everyone saw the tape and if they did not ask about it, I knew they would be thinking about it. I will be honest, while I am not embarrassed by anything I did in that video, I am furious that someone would steal it and use it to exploit us.

The last six months have been utterly disgusting and stressful; I still find it hard to believe it all. I sometimes sit and think about people, complete strangers, looking into my personal life. Seeing me make love to my fiancé, watching me as I held my daughter smiling, and having the band ridiculously high and drunk talking foolishness. It angered me to no end and even though we settled, I still was not satisfied with the outcome.

Tom and I find ourselves arguing over it repeatedly. How could Marcus get his dirty hands on it? Why did we not notice it gone? Why? The stress of the tape took a toll on our relationship. I am paranoid and do not want to be bothered. Tom and Bill's 30th birthday is in a week and I spend most of my days working while they plan for it.

I hired a part-time nanny to assist me while I am at the store with Sophie. She is walking now and she is everywhere and getting into everything.

I walked back into the bathroom and looked at both sticks that sat on the countertop. One had two red lines and the other simply said, Pregnant.

"Oh Fuck," I mumbled to myself rubbing my hands over my face and forehead.

I stopped taking my birth control about two months ago while in Magdeburg for Georg and Natalie's wedding. Trust me it was not on purpose. I completely forgot them here in the States and did not trust using any brand other than my own so I did not take any at all.

Tom and I were trying the 'pull-out' method but you can see how ineffective that was. When we came back, I planned to ditch the pills and get this new-age implant birth control, but I was so busy with my new business and taking care of Sophie that I forgot to schedule my appointment. That forgetfulness turned into never scheduling the appointment and in just a short amount of time, I easily forgot a routine that I have done for years.

I gained about ten or twelve pounds and mostly in my thighs. It is easier than you think to forget to take your birth control - no matter how long you've been doing it. I think of how extremely busy I am now with one baby and now I am pregnant with another. Then I got to thinking about my own wedding that is 7 months away. I didn't want to have a shotgun wedding with my last pregnancy so I sure as hell don't want one with this one either.

"FUCK!" I said again.

Twenty minutes later the door opened and Tom called out to me.

"BONNIE!" he screamed about the house.

I hid the pregnancy test inside of a dresser drawer and walked out down the hall then stood in the archway to the kitchen. Tom was taking food out of the bags and sitting them on the island to put away. His hair, that had grown so long, was now a little past the middle of his back. It was pulled back into a very low and careless ponytail and every other second he was swiping a loose strand from his face behind his ear. Bill, who also decided to grow his hair out to some point, held Sophie on his hip as she helped him put away some of the refrigerated groceries. I stood along the archway a little longer and thought despite all that has happened; I was truly blessed.