Love Don't Break Me:
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to date a member of Tokio Hotel? Well Bonnie did just that.
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Bonnie and her two best-friends attends the New York concert of TOKIO HOTEL. They go with excitement knowing they would...
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BILL KAULITZ
The first time I saw her at our concert, I thought not much, just another cute girl that Tom will end up fucking.
This was furthest from the truth. This girl became Tom's girlfriend, the mother of his child, the love of his life and in secret, also mine.
Things turned out to be a little complicated with this girl who transformed into a woman before me. I used to keep staring at her from behind - I say it proudly. I have been a lifelong ass admirer and hers was phenomenal. This became a habit but I knew I could not do anything more. She was not with me, she was Tom's.
So I instead settled for being her friend and in turn she became my most devoted and dearest friend. I told her everything and she did me. I miss that, those days she would come in my room and she and I would just talk about life. She didn't know it then, but I was falling even more in love with her. I was falling for her soul.
I found myself using this friendship as a way to be with her more. I would steal a glimpse of her here and there and it became really boring to go home or do things on my own when she was busy. I didn't want to do anything if I knew she would be absent from them.
These feelings were hard because I knew that she was not mine. Every single day I was bowled out by her beauty. No matter if she was pregnant, not pregnant, dressed up, or down - I adored her.
When I would stare at her I would feel this painful dissatisfaction knowing that she does not feel the same. Knowing that it was my brother who would wind up the lucky man.
However, time kept flowing past me like wind blowing past those little specks of sand on the beach. I kept feeling the same smallness inside of me. I started falling for this girl for no reasons that I can think of, I had never felt this way before. It's an awful feeling. To love someone and you just don't know why, even though everything is telling you not to, you just CANT. Every time I saw her I wanted the time to stop so that I could savor the moment to its best.
Every time I saw her the rest of the world became blurred and dizzy to observe.
After years, the most amazing thing happened.
In a small bathroom in Germany, she did what I never expected her to do. She simply acknowledged me. She acknowledged the love that was always there and instead of refusing and rejecting me, she said yes to me. She said yes to my love. I was given the opportunity to see her, to experience her, but that I soon found out was a mistake.
I still feel the sense of failure in me.
Its 11 p.m., Nick and Bill are both sleeping, and I cannot get her out of my brain. I entertained the idea of heading into the kitchen for a drink but quickly thought it wouldn't be best. "I may be all on my own tonight" I thought to myself.
