Pharaoh's Eye

Pharaoh's Eye ♋ XXXII

Caira

"Thank you for coming today baby, I made sure I scheduled this after your class ." my mother said  laying on the table waiting for doctor to come in 

"I wouldn't want to be anyway else ." I said as Gerald put his arm around me

I smiled giggling a bit, this nigga is too excited . He's the only reason why I'm holding it together, of course I'm here for my mother but I can't say smiling and being cheery is easy for me . 

"Good evening, how's everyone today ?" the doctor said coming in

My mother smiled big "Great, I'm ready to see my baby ."

I backed away leaning onto the counter as he got her ready for he ultrasound, I crossed my arms getting comfortable as he rubbed the gel on her stomach . I took in a breath of comfort as he started to search for the baby, I stood in back of them as momma and Gerald cooed at the baby for the first time . That's exactly how I see it staying, never seeing all them just the side view as they give this baby everything they got .

Momma started crying as he seen the baby move around inside he, Gerald kept repeatedly kissing her in utter happiness .

"You're 3 months pregnant, hitting close to 4 ."

"When can we find out the sex ?" Gerald asked

"In a couple of months, just to make sure we can get the right reading . If the baby grows a bit faster than the average rate, then we can find out sooner ."

"It's been so long since I been through this, it's like riding a bike you hop on and you just know ."

"I wouldn't say that ." I mumbled 

"Huh baby ?" my mother said

"I didn't say anything ."

"This is real right here baby, we did it ." Gerald said kissing her

We wrapped things up in the doctors office and started heading out, I thought I would be going straight out my by mother wanted to go out and get some ice cream just her and I .

"I don't think you should be eating that .' I said as she licked on her cone

"Why ?"

"I don't know, is there certain things you can't eat ?"

She laughed "Ice cream isn't one of them ."

We finished our ice cream and stayed around a bit to talk .

"What are you hoping for ?"

"Doesn't matter to me, it's not my baby ."

"It's still your brother or sister ."

"Still doesn't matter to me ."

"I am really glad you came today ."

"You act like I would say no or something ?"

"I know how you feel about Gerald, y'all might be good but I figured you would have something smart to say about me having his baby ."

"Ma, I don't care whose baby you have . Why would I say something smart ?"

"Cause you don't like him, excepting him as my husband was enough for you ."

"You really don't know me, you don't ever listen either . Gerald and I are good, real good ."

"You ain't got to lie Caira, I know you ."

"Whatever, I'm not about to get into this ."

I was seconds away from blowing up spilling that if she knew me, she would know Julius and I are having sex and Gerald knew cause I told him and he took me to get birth control . But I had to hold myself back, one cause I know my mother and I know she would probably be more mad at Gerald now for not telling her, and two this conversation was stupid and imma just let her win .

"This baby means a lot to me, I don't think I ever been this happy before . I'm married, I'm in my forties, and I'm having a baby ."

What the hell that suppose to mean ? You wasn't happy 19 years ago, satisfied with just the idea of having me ?

I didn't know how to respond to that, otherwise I would've said what I was thinking then that definitelty would've took a turn in the conversation .

"Gerald seems happy ."

"Probably more than I am, all he does is talk about the name . He already said if it's a boy, he's going to the army like he did I'm sure he wants a Jr. too ."

"Can we go home please ?"

"See, there it is ."

"What ?"

"When it becomes all about Gerald, you still shut down ."

"What are you talking about, I'm the one who brought him up ?"

"Soon as I said the word Jr., you shut down ."

"It's your baby, do what you want with your baby . I honestly don't give a damn what you do, I don't care who this involves . God, I try with you all the time but it never works . I want you to have the baby, shit if anybody was lying it was you . Telling the doctor it's like riding a bike, you just hop on and you know . You forgot how to be a mother to me, I never I made it easy after Gerald came in but you know what you did too . Unlike me this baby still has a fighting damn chance at knowing it's loved by you, this baby has both it's parents in it's life so it won't have to worrying about fighting for your attention . You even liked Hakeem more than me, you always had a good way of making me feel like shit ."

She slapped me "Who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that ? You better fix your damn attitude ."

"I'll take a taxi home ." I said getting up

"Caira get your narrow ass over here ."

Naturally I stopped in my tracks, she called after me again after not turning to face her . I didn't want to face her though, she pissed me off and I'm tried of that shit . 

"Neither of us can move forward if you think that your ass can get away with cursing at me, that shit is not happening . You know damn well I love you Caira ."

"You loved another man over me !"

"I know what I did !"

"Then act like it ! Cause you still living in the past Ma, at this point Gerald knows more about me than you do . I can't even talk to you anymore cause you're so damn one minded, I know you love him but you don't have to be stuck up his ass ."

"You - you go to Gerald instead of me ?"

"That's it right there, that same thing you just felt is how I felt for years !"

"Why would you think you can't talk to me ?"

"It's always your way or nothing else, you always thought the worse of me . Why would I want to tell you ? Ma, it's not that I haven't been trying to show you that I'm not supportive of this baby because I am . It's the fact that I have to get used to another human being having what I wanted, I wanted you to trust me and love me equally as Gerald ! None of that matters anymore, you can't change time . I'll live through this baby, you do you and be happy don't worry about me ."

"I know I need to do better, I haven't been trying as much as I should . But Caira I am the one who brought you into this world, I would never want to replace you . Whether it be a man or baby, you will always be my baby . I been being stupid, to tell you the truth I'm scared ."

"Scared of what ?"

"Rasing a baby again, I forgot what it's like . Not saying I didn't enjoy my years with you, I'm getting up there in age and having a baby . I have to start all over, it's scary ."

"Least you not alone in this Ma, Gerald is probably happier than you are ."

I laughed "I know, with his cheesing ass . I love him ."

"I know Ma ."

"I love you too baby ."

"I know Ma, everything is going to be fine . We can't do this anymore though, I can't be having arguments like this with you . I hate doing this, nothing ever gets accomplished ."

"It will this time, I promise baby ."