Pharaoh's Eye

Pharaoh's Eye ♋ XXXVIII

Caira

I wasn't trying to avoid Jermaine, I know obviously I'll see him on campus . Whenever he wanted to talk I put it off coming up with excuses . It's two things that come into play, the fact that he's playing both sides of the fence . Also deep down he knew what he was and how he was feeling about himself and choices, still tried hard as hell to be with me . What if I would've gave in, I would've been the damn fool of the year . I'm really feeling some type of way he didn't tell me, seems as though others had a hunch but me .

"O'Neal ? Can I talk to you for a minute ?"

We walked to the library together since we had a paper to write, coincidentally the professor made pairs of us .

"How did you know about Jermaine ?"

"Doesn't everybody ?" he backed up shocked "Shit, did I let the cat out the bag to you ? Damn, he was your man wasn't he ?"

"No, he's my friend . You called him a fairy before ."

"Who hasn't seen him floating around town with his . . . Men ."

I shoved his shoulder as he laughed "Don't talk about him like that !"

"Hey ! Is there a problem ?" Liberian said

I quite down a bit "Sorry baby, if you thought you was getting with that the ship has sailed . Unless you into that freaky weird shit, sorry to say you can't compete with that ." He laughed

I walked away from him, he stopped me once I got into the hall .

"I'm sorry, I ain't mean to talk about your friend like that . I was just having a little fun ."

"We can work on the paper later tonight, I'll search up the first part and go to staples getting the 3 part cardboard diagram for the presentation . Meet me back here at eight ."

I didn't want to talk to him anymore, I just asked a simple question . I grabbed a brownie from the cafe and headed to my car, Jermaine was leaning on it when I got out there .

"We need to talk please, that's all I'm asking . Who told you about that place ?"

"Jermaine, you didn't need to lie to me . You know exactly who told me, if this is who you are then it's who you are . I don't mind, I'm not going to judge you ."

"Caira, you don't understand how I feel ." He held my hand

I snatched away "I said I wasn't going to judge you, I didn't say I wasn't mad at you . How could you do that ? Talk all that shit about how you want to be together . Went through the fire to get me and Julius apart so you and I could have something . You don't think that shit hurt me or at least threw me off guard ? What if I was to give in to all that ? I would've been fucking stupid, cause I would've been a cover up for you thinking you actually wanted me but you want . . That ."

He placed his hand on the back of his head "I know, I know . But I did want you, I do ."

"You don't know what you want ."

"Caira, this isn't easy for me either ."

"What is it then ? You gay ? You Bi ? Today you like guys ? Tomorrow you want me ?"

"I'm Bi . I'll always love you, women are still attractive to me but I like men too ."

"You need to just, figure out what you really are I still think you're confused and I can't help you I can just be there ."

"That's the thing, I know what I am . I messed up, I really did and I'm sorry for hurting you I truly am ." he said getting very teary eyed "I been hurting my damn self for too long, I didn't just think being with you would make things right . I wanted to be with you cause you are the only female that means something to me, no other girl can do what you do for me . But I met that guy you say before and he taught me how to love myself, I recently had relations with him and I can say that I love him ."