Pharaoh's Eye

Pharaoh's Eye ♋ XXXIII

Caira

I had a weird ass dream last night, I had just found out I was pregnant and didn't tell Julius yet . We talked at a minimum about what would we do if it happened, if you really trust the person your with then what y'all got planned might work . But I myself think that shit they say is bullshit . Baby I'm going to be there to raise my kid, I knew what I was doing when I took the condom off, I ain't going to abandon . Most niggas wanna be called daddy till that baby come out though . I don't know exactly what I would do if I was pregnant, I imagine I would keep it but at this point in my life I can't I told Julius that too, I'm too young and I'm not stable too . I wouldn't tell my mother either, especially if my plans are not to keep it . When I told Julius I was pregnant first thing he said was, how much do you need ? I looked at him like he had changed into somebody else, that's the most insensitive thing ever said to a female in a situation like that .

Despite it being a dream it made me mad, shit most niggas would say something like that which is why I believe females keep they babies out of spite over some rude shit like that . Let Julius say something like that to me, I would want absolutely nothing to do with him . Niggas should at least show some support, you might not it want but you made it . That dream just left me in a bad mood all morning, I couldn't concentrate in school thinking about those words .

"Cai, let me get that homework !" Jermaine said coming up to me

"I'm not paying 10,456 dollars a year for your ass to copy my stuff, do your own shit ."

"The hell wrong with you ?"

"Nothing, I'm fine ."

"You know better than that, I know we ain't been beefing that damn much that you forgot you can tell me anything ."

"It's nothing, it's actually really stupid ."

"Then tell me ."

"Its just a dream I had it's nothing ."

"How your moms ?"

"Getting big, excited . They already started in my room, painted and don't even know the sex yet ."

He chuckled "I'm happy for her, you seemed to have changed a bit since she dropped that bomb on you ."

"I wouldn't say I changed but you would switch up if you got a lot of shit on your shoulders ."

"I may have not made that weight easier but I never seen you this damn down ."

"I'm becoming uncertain of Julius, I'm jealous of someone who isn't here yet, and I'm just annoyed ."

"Uncertain of what ?"

"I don't know, just feel like he doesn't look at me the same . That stunt caused him to feel like he can't trust me ."

"Fuck him ."

"He hasn't said that, it's just what I feel ."

"Like I said, fuck him ."

"Jermaine, you said you wouldn't fuck around anymore !"

"I'm not, I'm trying to help you out ."

"I don't need help, I just don't wanna be bothered right now ."

"I'm sorry, tell daddy all about it ."

I shoved his shoulder "Shut your dumbass up ."

He laughed "Come on for real, tell me ."

"It's nothing to tell, I'm just annoyed with everything ."

"I'm going to give you my opinion on everything, you grown you have nothing to be jealous of . Yeah I know how your moms been but, I say you let it go and let it be what it is you can't make someone change overnight . Now on to this nigga, you might just be overthinking things . Too be honest, I think your too young to be playing this role . It's cool when y'all was friends but y'all fucked without knowing each other for real for real, now you playing house and I think it's getting to you ."

Jermaine could be mind fucking me right now, doing his usual sneak shit . But that's not even the factor, I do have thoughts about doing my own thing as in living on my way . I just want to be stable and set incase something happens, I don't just think it would be best to be on my own . Truth be told, I wanna go back home . It ain't cause I want my room back before the baby comes, it's that it's where I belong . I'm nineteen and I was being carried by my mother, I'm forced to leave and the first person I run to was Jermaine to take care of me and find me somewhere to go . I'm at that age where I need to start owning my shit, I don't know what the fuck is going on anymore everything moving in all kind of directions I just want to move in the right one .

"I'm going out, don't know when I'm coming back ." Julius said

"Going where ?"

"Out, boys night ."

What this nigga need to look and smell good for ? To be honest this the first time Julius went out without me, I don't have a problem with that at all it's just natural instinct to become suspect about every little and every thing .

"Will you at least call me when you get there ?"

"Yeah sure ." he said kissing me on the cheek

Moments like this, what the fuck am I going to do all by myself alone with no car ? I'm not saying I don't want to be with him but, I want to be on my own and do my own shit and take care of my own self .

If I call Jermaine though to hangout with guarantee I have to hear about it later, I'll have to ask him what his problem is when he starts to shut down . I don't have any other friends like that, I don't want to be alone with nothing to do though I wanna go out .

"Are you busy ?" I asked Gerald

"No, why ?"

"I just wanted to talk with you, see how you been ."

"I'm good, what is this really about ?"

"You aren't around my mother are you ?"

"No, I'm in the store picking up late night snacks . She's starting cravings already ."

"I really just wanted to talk ."

"Alright, well how are you ?"

"I'm okay ."

"Why okay ?"

"I'm not happy ."

"Why, what's wrong ? He ain't putting his hands on you is he ?"

"No, nothing like that ."

"Talk to me baby ."

I shivered a bit when Gerald said that to me, first time he's said that to me . It wasn't a bad shiver, I liked him calling me that .

"I wanna know what you think about Julius and I ."

"That's your business ."

"Gerald, I know you got something to say don't even try it ."

"I want you to do what makes you happy, if you're not happy I think you should come home . If you were my blood daughter that's where you would be, I don't believe in shacking up . I thought it was cool at first till everything became real, I had Hakeem . Cai, you aren't trying to tell me your pregnant are you ?"

"Far from it . Unless babies magically pop in women's stomachs now ."

"You taking your pills right ?"

"Everyday, momma ain't raise no fool ."

"I ain't raise one either, let's not forget, I need to get out this store though . Is there something else you're not telling me ?"

"I'm good for now, just hang up the phone on me why don't you ."

He laughed "I'm just saying I need to get going ."

"It's okay, I'm good now I don't really feel like talking anymore anyways ."

"I want you to come over, tonight if you can I just wanna make sure you alright ."

I smiled through the phone "Gerald I'm alright ."

"Come over for dinner tomorrow then ."

"I'll see ."

"Alright, I'll think about it . Bye ."

After I didn't have shit to do after I got off the phone, I looked at the clock and it was only 11:46 PM . I went to be early, woke around 2:30 Julius still wasn't beside . Nigga couldn't text me or nothing saying he alright or coming home soon . Let him try and creep in here too .