Change

Chapter 31

Me and Hannah have been hugging for about ten minutes straight now. I honestly don't think my heart can handle anymore problems we've both come to; me and Hannah. I've been trying to stay strong my entire life, trying to battle my depression and self harm but I don't think I can do it anymore. These entire events keep piling onto my depression. It makes me weaker by the minute. Any more of this and I think I may just explode. I don't know why but my anger is boiling right now. I feel like pushing Hannah off of me and just running away. I don't know where but I just feel like running.


My arms immediately unwrap around Hannah, releasing our intimate hug. She looks at me with her bloodshot blue eyes in the most confused state. I couldn't really explain to her as to why I stopped hugging since I was just as confused as she was.


"Harry... your eyes." She cries. "They're... puffy."


"Yeah, no shit. That's what happens when you cry." I snap.


My mood completely changes and I notice it. I'm pissed. Not mainly at Hannah, but at myself. I just killed our baby... my baby. Now Hannah won't be able to see her daughter or son grow up. She won't be able to see him or her get married and have their kids. She won't be able to cry of happiness when they bring home good grades. The lump that's forming in my throat causes me to gag. I need to stay as far away from Hannah s possible. I quickly get up off the bench and start walking away, my heart breaks as I hear her following. My first instinct is to yell at her telling her to stay away but I try my best to keep my cool.


"Harry. Where are you going?" Her gentle voice sends chills down my spine.


"Nowhere."


"Harry if it has anything to do with us losing the baby we can-"


"Just stay away." I cut her off in the nicest way I possibly can.


"What?" She cries.


"Hannah, it's my fault the baby is dead! I killed it!" Her body aches at the way I described the baby as 'it', "I would've never caused you any of this pain if I never would've met you and I'm sorry!"


"Harry you're being ridiculous. I don't want you to leave me! It is definitely not your fault! Stop thinking like that!"


"Why? So I can continue to hurt you even more? No, I'm not doing that. I think I should go back with my mom and convince her to move back to Cheshire. That's where I belong."


"But you also belong here... with me... right?"


"Right Hannah, but I can't keep hurting you in these ways. Actually, wouldn't it be better if I was gone? Completely vanished? Or even... dead?"


The pools in her eyes start to form as she realizes what's happening... my depression.


"Harry don't you dare say that! Your mom needs you here and she loves you very much. Think what would happen if you let all that go. Think of the more pain you'll cause your mom... or even worse... think of the more pain you'll cause me. I can't live without you, are you crazy? You're my world Harry. You're the one thing that keeps me alive. My heart can't beat without you there hugging me and telling me you love me... I love you Harry."


My heart completely shatters into pieces. I can see the droplets of tears falling from her crystal blue eyes. But none of this would've happened if I never met her. If I could take back the day where I ran across Hannah's add online, I would take it back in a heartbeat. I don't want to cause her anymore pain.


"You don't have anything to say?" She sobs.


"I need to go." Is all I could say before turning my back on a beautiful, brokenhearted girl. Her gentle sobs make me mirror her actions.



Hannah's POV:


"You don't have anything to say?" I sob. I can't live without Harry and he knows that


"I need to go." Were his last words before he quickly turns his back to me before walking out of the hospital.


What the hell just happened? Did I just lose the best thing that has ever happened to me? No, I didn't. I shake my head before running after Harry hoping he didn't run that far. As I get outside, the rain starts to pour from the sky. My stomach is in huge pain but I don't care. I might split the stitches but I don't care. I need Harry. My face turns to the left before looking to the right. His car is still there with the ignition running. Now is my chance. Once again I let the thoughts of Harry leaving me take over the agonizing pin I feel in my belly as I'm running. He quickly notices me as he puts his phone back in his pocket and takes his seat belt, buckling it before backing out of the parking space and driving past me. I had no idea why the hell Harry was acting like this but it worried me. The night when I found him in my bathroom, blood everywhere flashes through my mind. I know he struggled with depression but he told me he got over it. I didn't know it would come back to haunt him in this way. With no way of possibly getting back to my house, I go back inside heading into my room. I grab my phone from the counter to try and call Harry, obviously his phone is turned off. My eyebrows come together in confusion as I feel a tiny piece of paper on the back of my phone. It is taped to it. It was from Harry. I slowly unfold the note and I couldn't control the tears that were falling from my eyes. I know this was going to be bad. It read:


Hannah,

You are everything to me, my rock, my soul, my heart, my world, my love. When you see your one and only cry because of you it's not the best feeling in the world. Which is why I have decided it's best if we don't see each other anymore. I'm sorry for all the pain I've put you through, I'm sorry for never making you smile as often as I would've liked to, I'm sorry I couldn't be who you wanted me to be, I'm sorry for everything. By the time you read this, I'll probably already be packing for my plane ride to Cheshire. My mom knows I'm going to go stay and live with my aunt. She decided to stay and visit me once a month. I really hope you understand that I am truly sorry. I hope you find a guy who can actually treat you better than the way I treated you. You deserve better. Hopefully you could even start family with him, try again even. Because with me, I think you knew I wasn't ready for a baby and you possibly thought I killed off the baby on purpose. Even though that is definitely not the truth, it sure as hell is believable. My plane leaves at ten o'clock sharp tonight. Don't bother coming to my house to say goodbye, I'll probably be driving to the airport by now.

I love you so much, you're the best thing in the world that has happened to me. You've changed me. You made me into a better person. I'm just praying you'd understand.

Love, forever & always, Harry



My head is pounding. I wish I had never read that note. I seriously could not lose Harry. Do I dare even look at the clock? I take a quick glance at the clock as it read "9:40". Immediately I begin to panic. I didn't even get to say goodbye. The letter doesn't count for me as a correct goodbye. I bring my hands up to my face as I begin to sob loudly. I had nothing to do. I couldn't do anything. That is until woman's voice breaks the silence.


"The airport is only twenty minutes away, even though we only have twenty minutes, we can still make it in time." She says. I know that familiar thick accent anywhere. Anne.


"Anne? I... it's..."


"C'mon sweetie, we don't have much time."


I waste no time grabbing my clothes out of the bathroom and putting them on as fast as I can. God Harry please still be there.


-


"You okay?" Anne asks as sweetly as possible.


"No."


"Harry wouldn't leave like that honey he knows you love him very much. Don't worry, you'll get to say your goodbyes."


"That's the point Anne! I don't want to say goodbye! You have no idea how much this boy means to me! He's my everything and what happens when you lose your everything? You lose yourself. I'd die without him Anne and that's what you don't understand!" I scream mixed with a sob.


Anne stays quiet as she has nothing to say. I don't blame her. I didn't mean to be rude, I just wanted to see Harry. Moments later, we finally reach the airport and I quickly look at the time noticing its "9:58". My instincts got the best of me and I open the car door and start sprinting.


"Hannah!" I hear Anne call but I ignore it.


I let the cool windy rain nip at my sweaty skin. I try to give myself an extra boost but there is no use. I'm meters away from the plane that's boarding people onto it. If I see correctly, I notice the familiar curls walking up the stairs to board the plane. Harry. I don't know what else to do then to run as fast as I can while calling his name.


"Harry!" I scream. No luck. "Harry!!" I bellow even louder.


God answers my prayers as I see his head quickly snap to me. I wave both my hands in the air still screaming his names. He nearly throws his bags at the flight attendant before pushing past the people who were standing in line. He mirrors my actions as he begins to sprint towards me. I don't think I can take this anymore. My legs begin to turn into mush. I squeeze in a smile as I notice that I'm centimeters away from Harry. He shuffles to his feet to prevent him from colliding into me. I don't though, I still run.
I let out a tiny grunt when my legs wrap around his waist. I couldn't let go.


"Don't leave me... don't ever leave me." I pant into his ear.


"Babe... you can't undo what's already been done." He says and I immediately break down.


"No..." I sob.


"Promise me one thing?" He whispers. I stay silent but he knows that's enough to answer his question.


"Promise me you'll find another man in your life... please? Find someone who can treat you better."


I release from his hug before speaking.


"You're the only guy who makes me laugh when I don't want to! You're the only guy who makes me upset but I love you for that! You can't just throw it all away Harry, I need you!"


"Hannah... I..." He's cut off by one of the flight attendants calling his name.


The plane is bout to take off with Harry in it right in front of my eyes.


"I got to go..."


"Harry... please. I'm begging you. Don't leave me... I can't imagine my life without you, please..."


"I'm sorry..." Were his last words as I see him drift away into the distance.


I couldn't run after him. All I can do is walk into the airport to meet Anne. She's my ride home. All I want to do is hug Harry one more time but that's not going to happen. As I'm walking into the airport I feel my phone buzz and my intentions know that its already Harry. I cup my hand around my phone to prevent any water damage as I read the message.


From: Harry

When you see my mom again, she will give you something. Do with it what you please. Sell it, keep, smash it, throw it away, anything. I really hope you understand. Love always. Xoxo


My heart starts racing at the fact that Harry's mother was suppose to give me something. I had no idea as to what it may be but I was nervous. I enter the doors and spot Anne waiting for me on one of the airport chairs reading magazine. I sit at the chair cross from her. I clear my throat hoping she would notice that I got back.


"Sweetie... here, put this on." She says s she hands me a huge jacket. Wow it's warm.


"That used to be Harry's. He left it in my car after I took him out to dinner that one day. Go ahead and keep it."


One again the tears start to fall from my cheek. I am never washing this because the scent that eroded the room must have been Harry's. I wish he would've given my something to remember him by but I guess this'll do. Wait, the text.


"Um... Anne? Harry said that you were supposed to give me something, he texted me."


"I don't think you can handle this much in one night. Why don't I give it to you tomorrow, yeah?"


"No, now." I say quite harshly than I intended. "Please?"


She nods her head before digging into her purse to find a little blue and white bag that had "Kevin's" written on it. My heart nearly sinks to my stomach. Anne and I both know what's in that bag. Oh no... here comes the tears.


"Here honey." Anne said.
I untie the light blue ribbon that was holding the bag together. Inside is a white box with silver glitter everywhere. I slowly grab the box as my hands are shaking like crazy. My heart is pounding. I open the box ever so slightly. My tears fog up my vision. I blink to let them fall from my face. Written inside the box was a message that made me smile. My stomach starts to turn and I feel like I'm going to vomit. It read, "Will you marry me?" in the neatest cursive I've ever seen. I pull out the ring and I can hear Anne gasp as we both know it looks extremely expensive. I slide the ring onto my index finger, perfect fit. I've had enough. I'm done with crying. I'm done. I push the bag off of my lap unknowingly, shocking Anne.


"Where are you going?" She worriedly asks.


I put my finger up signaling her "I'll be right back."


I wipe as much of my tears as I can before walking up to a lady seated at the front desk.


"Hello ma'am and what can help you with?!" She sweetly screams.


"One ticket to Cheshire please." I reply. There is no way in hell I will live my life without Harry involved.