How to annoy the transformers

80 ways to annoy Ratchet

This one may or may not be one of my favorites.... I'm not sure. Well I hope you guys enjoy this one just as much as I did, and there are more to come!
Language/risqué (A bit more than it has been in a while, actually!)
Have fun!
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1) Steal Ratchet's equipment, particularly his wrench.

2) Hit people with Ratchet's wrench while acting like the doc  himself.

3) Break Ratchet's equipment frequently.

4) Act like you know more than Ratchet.

5) Tell Ratchet he isn't helpful or instrumental at all in this war.

6) Show him all the ships, pairings, smut, lemons, mpreg and other stuff with him in it. Even the stuff shipping him with Optimus/June/Megatron/Knock Out/Wheeljack/etc. Cherish the rest of your life knowing you have scarred him forever.

7) Mock Ratchet and mimic his gestures.

8) Call him a druggie after the Synthetic Energon incident.

9) Offer to go fetch Ratchet a scraplet from the arctic for him.

10) Ask him when he's going to shut up and just kiss Optimus already to make up for being a bad housewife.

11) Paint a monocle and mustache on Ratchet as he sleeps. Also, if you can, design a top hat and super glue it to the top of his head.

12) Shout "HOOAH!" each time that you see him and go into a fighting stance before acting vicious and utterly insane, as if under the effects of Synthetic Energon. When he stops paying attention to that, ask "How's it hummin'?" in a suggestive voice.

13) Tell Ratchet that you need help with something. If you're a girl, ask for advice on your period/menstruation cycle/pads/tampons (how to insert them)/etc. If you're a guy, request information about boners/morning wood/etc. It wouldn't hurt to ask for his medical advice on interfacing, either.

14) Continuously ask for him to transform so that you can ride around town inside of him with the sirens on while you scream "WEE-WOO WEE-WOO WEE-WOO!".

15) Release Ratchet fangirls/boys upon him. Watch the poor medic try to defend himself from being molested.

16) Call him Doc everyday just to annoy him.

17) When he's recharging paint him pink and glue a tutu onto him.

18) Tell him that a scraplet is on his back and insist that its there when he says there isn't.

19) Explain to Ratchet you've figured out why he's gruff, stuck-up, grouchy and a total stick in the mud. When he asks you in his sarcastic tone exactly what it is, look at him with a serious expression and say: "You need to get laid. How long has it been anyway?"

20) Say 'Ratchet is too old' every time he enters the room.

21) Add the phrase ''By the Allspark'' after EVERYTHING Ratchet says. Say it in a melodramatic way, even if what Ratchet has said wasn't terrible to begin with.

22) Constantly say to him that Knock Out makes a better surgeon that he does.

23) Tell Ratchet that Optimus has a secret crush on him, then walk away.

24) Book Ratchet a 1-year stay in the nearest rehab clinic and tell him it's because he was addicted to his wrench.

25) Steal his wrench and smash his head in with it while he's focusing on something else.

26) Whenever he performs surgery, scream frantically at him to cut the blue wire.

27) Constantly say, "He's Dead, Jim" or "Dammit Ratchet I'm a ____ not a ______" after everything he says. If he complains, saying you watch too much Star Trek, tell him that Bones is a better doctor than him, even if she's not technically an MD....

28) Get TFA Bumblebee and Sari to have a loud conversation right near where he is working.

29) Put a bumper sticker on Ratchet's rear bumper that says "honk if you think I'm an alien" or one that says "honk if I'm a ray of sunshine".

30) Walk up to hi, look him directly in his optics, and say, "Take me to your leader."

31) Put an antenna ball on TFP Ratchet's antenna while he's recharging, and watch the other members of the team humiliate him in the morning.

32) Scour the galaxy for the Lambo twins and invite them to stay at Autobot HQ for a month. Tell them that the idea was Ratchet's and he demands they give him a flying tackle hug when they first see him.

33) Ask TFA Ratchet if he has a crush on Arcee.

34) Change his color scheme to rainbows and sparkles when he's asleep. Now nobody will take him seriously again.

35) Keep telling him disturbing medical facts (i.e., kidney stones the size of coconuts, conjoined twins, odd growths, the XXY chromosome, the dude who got pregnant, etc.)

36) Walk in and yell 'Ratchet! I NEEDED that!' whenever he's doing something that requires his absolute attention.

37) Take away his wrench, or anything he could use as a weapon, and lock him in a closet with the Twins.

38) Copyright his 'Wrench of Doom'.  

39) Ask him if he stole his attitude from Dr.  Hank McCoy.  

40) Paint Dr. Cox's face over his own.

41) Continually call him Dr. Cox, Dr. McCoy, etc...

42) Tell Animated Ratchet that his oversized head makes the rest of him look fat.

43) Whenever he goes to perform surgery, look over his shoulder and constantly question everything he does and tell him how you think he should be doing his job.

44) Causually walk by him and greet him by saying "What's up Doctor Who?" +100 points if he's in a bad mood and throws his wrench at you.

45) Any time he throws a wrench at you and asks for it back, remind him that he gave it away of his own accord....

46) Send a letter to Animated Arcee. Make sure it says, "You're one hot mama, and my spark goes crazy whenever I see you. Will you marry me? Love Ratchet, your lover". Make sure to very, very far away from him after this point. Extra laughs if you send it to every Arcee from any continuum you can think of..... EVERY ONE OF THEM. 

47) Send Wreck-Gar after Ratchet (Any version is fine) and have him annoy him like there's no tomorrow.

48) Ask him if he did the voice acting for all the characters in Ratchet and Clank.

49) When Ratchet is still asleep from the "T-Cog Transplant", go ahead and do whatever to him. And, make sure he awakens and sees himself.

50) Continuing number 49, tell him that you've just discovered that one of the Omega Keys is inside his T-Cog and that he has to be careful, because if the T-Cog is removed from his body then the Key automatically destroys itself. Wait.... damn.... too late!

51) Tell him his new name is Mater. Like Tuh-Mater but without the Tuh.

52) When Ratchet is jacked with that Synthetic Energon, yell out "RATCH HAS THE POWER!!!" and when he's easily beaten by Megatron say "You're a bum, you know that?! You fight like a bum, you yell like a bum, You Are A Bum!!"

53) Tamper with his vocalizer (When he's recharging, of course.) to where everything he says comes out in song.

54) Rig the Medbay doors to play "I'm no superman" Every time Ratchet comes in.

55) Whenever Wheeljack and Ratchet are together, or in the same room, sing 'guy love' from Scrubs as loud as you can manage.

56) Borrow Hound's hologram projector (Or convince him to help) and create a hologram of Ratchet. Use your imagination as to what you want the holo!Ratchet to do~

57) Ask him if he stole his wrench throwing idea from the Ratchet and Clank Ratchet.

58) Ask if he has ever been called a Lombax.

59) Put on a grey rabbit costume and follow him around saying 'What's up Doc?' like Bugs Bunny.

60) Put G1 Wheeljack in TFP Ratchet's work zone. Watch the chaos ensue.

61) Assuming you're not blown to smithereens by now, bring in Rattrap and Dinobot. Those two bickerers tend to wreck stuff belonging to Rhinox, so let's make Ratchet the side victim this time.

62) Shout 'MEDIC!' every 2 seconds.  

63) Put some alcohol in his next energon ration.

64) Play fetch with your dog (If you have one) using Ratchet's wrench.

65) When he's hyped on Syntheitc Energon, go ahead and call him Ratchet Balboa. Extra laughs if you fit him with gloves and shorts. For even more laughs, call him The Cybertronian Donkey.

66) Smash something, or have anyone else do it deliberately or accidentally, that belongs to Ratchet. When goes on with his usual "I Need That!" one-liner, tell him: "YOU DON'T NEED CRAP!!!"

67) Find a bunch of young Cybertronians, and gather them around Ratchet. Make everyone say, "Grandpappy!"  

68) Did anybody already asked if he worked with Medic in Team Fortress?  

69) Convince Ratchet to wear a sexy nurse outfit, because its TFA Arcee and Optimus' fetish.

70) Following Number Sixty-Nine, make sure it's red hot pink.

71) Next time you see Ratchet in his vehicle mode, take a marker and write "WASH ME" on his rear windshield.

72) Ask Ratchet if he worked with Fix-it Felix Jr.

73) Better yet, call him Ratch-et Ralph.

74) Knock out Ratchet, and hope he wakes up with amnesia. If he does, tell him he was a wrecker and was married to Optimus. If not, then... the Autobots better find another medic... Run like the wind child!!!

75) Ask him what the difference is between a Cybertronian medic and a Cybertronian mechanic. +10 if he has an answer. +100 if he actually starts to wonder...

76) Tell Rachet to send you through a ground bridge to Ponyville. +100 Points if he asks what Ponyville is. +2000 if he does it!

77) Ask him if he's met the "Rat King" from TMNT. If yes, ask him to give the Rat King a phone call. If no, introduce him. 100 points if he doesn't realize they're the same person.

78) If you're not dead, introduce TFP Ratchet to the Lambo Twins. Run.

79) Ask him to give you the Cybertronian version of the birds and bees talk. Purely for scientific research, of course.

80) Ask him if he finds you annoying and then leave before he can answer.
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Well, there ya have it, ladies and gentlemen! I hope you enjoyed!
R&R
                                                       Lightwing_Prime_09