When you were mine

Chapter 9

I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. But I'm only human. And I bleed when I fall down. I'm only human. And I crash and I break down. Your words in my head your knives in my heart. You build me up and then I fall apart because I'm only human. I can take so much. Till I've had enough. -Christina perri human.
Paisley's POV
I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I was shaking and fighting off the nerves as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I wore a pretty black singlet and skinny jeans. I had tugged on a pair of boots over the skinny jeans. I'd even put on makeup, I couldn't do this. A party. I'm going to a party. The last thing I wanted to do was go to a party. I wanted to get into a ratty old pair of pyjamas and crawl into bed without so much as a second thought. Instead I was trapped here, waiting for Natalie and pierce to show up. I wanted to call Jake, he hasn't rung me like he said he would. I was worried. Had something happened? Were they all okay? The ringing doorbell silenced my thoughts.
"Paisley your friends are here!" My dad called. I put my phone in my pocket and headed downstairs. Pierce's startling blue eyes traced my figure up and down. Twice. I was ready to throw up on him, he wore a blue sport jacket and a black shirt underneath. His jeans were a little worn and he wore his usual pair of Nike shoes. Natalie had dressed up and wore a white dress and white heels.
"Let's go!" She exclaimed too cheerily. I almost groaned but Pierce's warning rang through my head. Play along. If you don't you may as well be signing a death sentence. But not just for you, for your dad and the baby and who knows how the people around you will be affected? A voice shouted in my head.
"Yay!" I forced myself to sound happy and excited. I'd gotten used to doing that.

I didn't bother to take in the house's features. I just focused on Natalie's long brown hair. We walked inside the house to find it packed with teenagers. Kids drinking or talking privately. There were kids making out and attempting to dance but they just looked like they were grinding on one another. Natalie got three cups of what most definitely was beer. So basically I couldn't drink it. I kept my eye out for potted plants but couldn't find any. One thing I could find was empty but used cups. If I could just find the right opportunity then I could swap my cup for one half empty or one that is empty.  People were practically shouting along to the lyrics of the songs that played. I just leaned against a wall. Pierce and Natalie were in a deep conversation, so I checked my phone. Nothing. Absolutely nothing, no texts or calls or anything. Maybe he's busy. Perhaps they're studying. It's movie night, they're probably watching a Disney film. I couldn't even bare to do that. It brought back too many memories that I excused myself every time dad put on the Disney Saturday night movie on.
"You okay?" Pierce asked and smiled down at me.
"Fine." I assured him.
"You sure?" He asked.
"Positive." This was awkward.
"Let's dance." His smile was genuine. But his eyes held a warning so I nodded my head and followed him to the living room. I placed my cup down on the coffee table and wrapped my arms around his neck. We leaned our foreheads together. The place reeked of beer and sweat but I forced myself to dance and laugh and smile. To be the good human the person my dad and my baby and everyone I cared about needed me to be. So I danced and laughed at any joke pierce told me no matter how crappy it was. The baby kicked inside as it protested against every movement with pierce but I ignored it.
"You know I love you right?" Pierce asked.
"Of course." I said flirtatiously.
"I really love you. And I only said what I said the other day because I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose you to him." Damon.
"You have nothing to be threatened of." Except for everything.
"Paisley I know he got you pregnant." I froze.
"And it's okay because I know you and I know you can't handle a baby so you're probably going to give it up for adoption." Breathe. Smile and nod. Lie to him. The voice ushered.
"I'm glad someone still knows me. I was going to tell you I just didn't know how." I told him.
"It's okay darling. I still love you." Pierce assured me.
"Good." Ugh this was exhausting.
"I'm going to get us some drinks." Pierce told me and left. I pulled out my phone. Three voicemails from Jake. I attempted listening to them there but couldn't hear anything. So I ventured outside and put the phone to my ear.
"Hey umm we need to talk. Like majorly, some stuff went down tonight and it's rattled us all to say the least. I just thought you should know."
"Paisley this is Jake again and I'd really appreciate it if you called. Like I said this is important and you should know."
"I'm really worried now, if you don't call me by morning I'm going to come and visit you to see if you're alright. This is important." Jake sounded scared shitless. I didn't hesitate to call him.
Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Finally Jake picked up.
"Hello?" I froze. I couldn't speak or say anything. Jake wasn't the one who picked up the phone.
"Anyone there?" Damon asked. My heart raced and tears streamed down my cheeks. I love you. I miss you. I'm sorry for leaving you. You're alive. I wanted to say those things to him but I couldn't.
"Is this a prank? Why were you calling this number?" Damon sounded irritated. I could picture him running a frustrated hand through his hair. I bit my lip, don't speak. Don't speak. Do not speak! I was breathing heavily and glad that I was alone.
"Give me the phone!" I heard Jake's voice in the background and then some muffled sound.
"Hello?" Jake asked.
"Jake?" I mumbled.
"Oh thank god. I was worried." Jake told me.
"Who is it?" Damon asked in the background.
"My friend." Jake replied.
"Was that really him?" I asked quietly.
"Yeah I'm sorry about that. Are you okay?" Jake asked.
"No. I'm at some stupid party and I want to go home but I can't because-it's a long story." I wiped away my tears. Calm down. Relax. Breathe. I repeated the words like a mantra.
"Yeah well a lots been happening here too. Alex's twin paid a visit and-" pierce tapped my jumper and I gave out a startled scream.
"What's going on?" Jake sounded panicked.
"Nothing I'm okay. Look I have to go. I'll talk to you later dad. Bye." I hung up and Pierce bought my lie.
"Your dad okay?" Pierce asked.
"Yeah he's fine." Pierce studied my face.
"You've been crying." He pointed out.
"Oh I'm just tired. Can you take me home?" I asked.
"Yeah of course." I got into his car, knowing Natalie would find a ride. Pierce placed his hand on my knee and it took every fibre of my being to not pry away his fingers.

By the time pierce parked in my driveway I was exhausted.
"Thanks for taking me out tonight." I told him.
"It's alright. Thanks for coming. Finally." I let it slide and began to get out when pierce grabbed my arm.
"No kiss goodnight?" He asked with a sly grin.
"Sorry. Of course." I kissed him briefly on the cheek and got out. I hurried inside before pierce could object to my shitty goodnight kiss.
"You're back earlier than expected." My dad told me.
"I'm tired. I'll see you in the morning." I stomped upstairs and stripped out of my clothes. I changed into a baggy pair of pyjamas and climbed into bed. I grabbed my laptop and began to watch the vampire diaries. A miracle that I could even do that now. After everything that's happened, I wasn't sure on how much more I could take. How long would I last here before I broke? A friend once told me that if I was walking through hell then I should just keep moving. I had asked her what should I do if it just gets worse. Her response chilled me to my core; 'then you're obviously not in hell yet.' It still haunted me to this day. I wasn't in hell then but I most certainly was in hell now.
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I couldn't help myself. I just wanted to write, so I wrote! I'm probably gonna fail my exams now. But at least I wrote one more chapter right? Hopefully I'll be able to update soon. Thanks for reading.
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