Take Your Tears, Put 'Em On Ice

~ T-W-E-N-T-Y ~

~Thursday; 19th of December 2019~

~ P-A-T-R-I-C-K ~

(I gave myself heartache writing this chapter)

I bounced my leg while I sat at the kitchen table, warily watching Aunt Jenn. She hasn't said much to me since Saturday, and I didn't expect her to. I was basically her son for the nine, ten months I've been here, and in less than a week it all came tumbling down on her.

I happened to be gay, I had to go back to Manchester in a matter of days, and she got pink-slipped by the school for bad behaviour.

And it's all my fault.

Aunt Jenn turned away from the stove and sat a plate with a grilled cheese sandwich down in front of me. I gave it a glare before looking out the window at the backyard.

"Patrick, you need to eat," Aunt Jenn said sternly, sitting down in her usual spot with a plate of her own.

"Not hungry," I mumble and put my head down on the table.

"You haven't eaten in four days!" She said loudly.

"Five days, it's Thursday night," I continued to stare down at the floor.

"Even worse!" She gasped.

I rolled my eyes and sat back up. "Why's it matter to you?"

"It's unhealthy-"

"Unhealthy? Sure. But you know what's unhealthier? Depression, Aunt Jenn. Being sad and miserable and locked in a house because you found someone that made you happy! " at this point I was in tears again. She looked at me with a slightly open mouth. I shoved the plate away from me and stood, running back up to my room.

By now everything in my room was packed except for what was on my bed and a few articles of clothing for the days I had left here. Everything else was in my large suitcases and two smaller carryon bags for the plane.

I wasn't ready.

I slowly layed down onto my bed and hooked up my music. I let loud songs fill my head, like those of Danzig and Avenge Sevenfold, even some Hollywood Undead. I was just... angry.

But I do hope Pete still comes tonight. He said he would, but that doesn't mean he definitely will. Although, hours later my thoughts are answered by a light knock on my second floor window.

I quickly sat up and looked over, just seeing Pete's face in from the faint glow of the lamp in my room. I jump up and hurry over, unlocking it and slowly pulling the lower part up. He quietly slips in and manages to land silently. We both freeze for a few moments to listen for anybody, or anything else. Hearing nothing, he he pulls me into his arms.

I hide my face in his shoulder, letting my fingers lightly curl into the cloth of his shirt. My eyes begin to water so I squeeze them shut. Pete seems to notice anyways and pulls me the inch closer, nuzzling his nose in my hair. He was making soft cooing sounds which believe it or not, helped me calm back down.

Words were never really used for a while. He pulled me towards the window, helped me down the latter he had leaned against the outer wall, and we left. He had parked his car at the end of the block, not that I was complaining. I didn't know where he was going, nor did I really care. I was with Pete and away from Aunt Jenn.

I watched the purple sky as we drove along the seemingly empty highway. Pete turned on the radio, leaving it on a low level of volume, and it happened to be Rancid. We both just looked at one another briefly before he reached back up and turned up the volume. A lot.

I saw my imaginary drum set appear before me and I began to play to the song. We both began singing, not caring for tune or quality. The song ended too soon and Pete turned the radio back down.

I would notice him glancing at me every once and a while. His Impala not having a center console, I scooted a little closer. He completely looked at me now- but only for a brief amount of time being the driver and all. I picked up his unused arm and wrapped it around my own shoulders, my throat closing up with the words I oh so badly wanted to say.

So then I decided, "P-Pete...?" My voice was very quiet. I felt my bottom lip quivering and eyes begin to water.

"Yeah?" He kept his own voice gentle, sensing my tension and insecurity. "What's up, baby?"

My chest tightened more. I brought my hands up to my chest, my sleeves covering most of my hands as I lightly clutched down on my skin. "I-I... I... I think... n-no, I-I-I don't th-think... I-I just... I..." my voice grew quieter. "I love you."

And then I burst into tears.

I quickly brought my hands to my face, causing my sobs to be muffled and my tears to soak into my sleeves. My body shook and my mind raced faster than it should have been able to.

I soon felt the car swerve and stop, two arms wrapping around me as I was pulled into Pete's chest. I burrowed my face into the crook of his neck trying to hold back my whimpers, which came to no avail. He began rocking us lightly and cooed softly into my ear. I wrapped my fingers into his soft shirt and slowly began to sit up straighter, just to look into his eyes.

"It's okay," he whispered. "It's all okay." I just nodded. He brought one of his hands from my middle and brushed the hair out of my face. He ran his fingers through it several times, pushing it back without breaking our gaze. He leaned forward and brought up his other hand, using his thumbs to wipe the tears off of my cheeks.

My weeping had subsided by now, just being the occasional sniffle. But out of my anxiety, I began to babble. "I-I'm sorry, I-I just h-had to g-get it out, a-and n-now th-that I th-think ab-bout it it was the wrong t-time a-and thing to say and I-I probably j-just ruined everything b-but that's n-not a first and mmmm..."

He silenced me by pressing his lips to mine. I let my eyes flutter closed and I shifted myself to be closer. I'd be straddling him if there wasn't a steering wheel in the way. It was a slow kiss, a more loving kind of movement between us. His hands traveled down my sides and found their grip on my lower waist. I wound my own arms around his neck as he pushed us over and layed me down in the seat.

Our lips began to move faster. He slid a hand beneath my shirt and rubbed his callused thumb over my soft, rarely exposed skin. His tongue slipped between my lips and ran along my own, causing a light moan to erupt from my throat.

He broke off our heavy kiss and I opened my eyes. A string of saliva still connected our lips and I felt my face heat up when he reached up and rubbed my lip with his thumb. He smirked lightly and rested his forehead against my own.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have the most beautiful eyes?" His warm breath tickled my face. Not being able to find any words, I shook my head weakly. He chuckled gently and I began to lean up, wanting more of what he stopped. He shook his own head and sat up, sitting casually back in the driver's seat like nothing had happened.

I sat back up myself, leaning against the opposite door. I looked at him, forhead leaning on his hands upon the steering wheel, tears silently glistening on his cheeks.

My chest was tight once more.

But I couldn't tell... was my heart ache from the rejection? His unanswered tears? Or simply because he didn't say it back?