#326 in Humor
A hilarious warped parody of our favorite childhood story, The Wizard of Oz, but what really is a story without our dear orange skinned racist bigot, Donald Trump?
*extended summary inside*
-UNEDITED
-written in early 2016
THIS IS NOT THE FINALE!!!! THERE ARE STILL MORE FOUR OR FIVE OR SIX IDK 'CHAPTERS' THAT CONTAIN VERY IMPORTANT AND FUNNY STUFF!!!
•••
"The security here is pretty loose," noted Simon as they traversed through the door. He noticed a golden sculpture and the distinct lack of guards. "I need a new Ferrari. Mind if I steal that?"
"If you fancy it, it'd be better to snag it on the way out; seems like a pretty hefty load. Make sure not to tarry," Khaled replied in a similar accent.
"Are you mocking me?" Simon's hairy hand flew to his chest.
"Egad! I would never commit such!"
"Bloody wanker," grumbled Simon.
They were about to move further in when a voice thundered through their ears and shook the castle... or whatever wizards live in idk.
"HALT! WHO DARES ENTER MY ABODE?!"
"Who dat who dat," sang Simon.
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Everyone turned to give him a deadpan face as the voice said, "Smh."
"Are you the wizard?" Inquired Pansy. His heart palpitated wildly in his chest like a rapidly twerking bottom.
A large head of fire materialized behind pulled drapes, before dissipating into smoke. The fog strangely smelt of marijuana. "Yeah I guess you could call me that, but my homies call me Wiz."
"Ok, Wiz," Pansy stressed with a wink. 😉
"You're not my homie."
"Apply cold water to BURN!" mused Simon, grinning his grin.
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"Anyway, why are y'all here?" asked Wiz.
"Ur smokey eye gaime is soo on fleek!💅," said Kylie.
"Well it'd be strange for it not to be, since I am made of smoke."
"Where iz d rest of ur body? Y do u only hav a hed?❓😧 iz it a genetic mutation?"
"No of course it's not! And I'm a wizard! Um... WHY ARE YOU EVEN QUESTIONING ME FOR FUCKS SAKE, WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE HERE?!" The ground shook.
Kylie cowered behind Khaled, who promptly pushed her to the floor with a swing of his bottom.
"We got wishes," started Khaled, "and you gotta grant 'em."
"Ugh you're more demanding than my ex-wife," the wizard grumbled, his smokey eyes rolling. "Before I can see anyone you gotta do a little sumthing sumthing for me." He winked.
"Like what?" Pansy asked.
"You can have Kylie," offered Khaled.
"HEY!😡"
"BEFORE I SHALL GRANT YOUR WISHES, YOU HAVE TO BRING ME SOMETHING!" The wizard proclaimed.
"What do we have to bring?" Simon queried excitedly. He could almost see his own Tv show flashing across his mother's old monochrome dingy television in the hidden valleys of Wales.
"You shall bring to me the evil witch's vibrator."
The smile fell off Simon's face faster than the death of Meek Mill's career. "W-what? Did I hear correctly?"
Everyone had put on the same confused look.
The head of smoke set ablaze with fury. "IF YOU WANT TO QUESTION MY MOTIVES, I ADVISE YOU LEAVE! UNTIL THEN, BRING ME TRUMP'S VIBRATOR OR NEVER RETURN AND REMAIN IN TRUMPVILLE! FOREVER!!! MUAHAHAHA!"
The doors closed in on them, and the next second they found themselves outside the castle... or whatever wizards live in idk.
"So what do we do now?" Pansy's eyes stung with melancholy.
"Nothing else to do," started Khaled. "C'mon, we've got a vibrator to steal."
•••
I'm sorry for the distinct lack of memes; I wrote this in a melancholic state of mind. I'll edit it later and add more memes though, hopefully.
