[RECONSTRUCTING] whalien 52 »˚tk

0507 | 06

Alphabet Boy,

I didn't go to sleep tonight.

Well... it wasn't just me, I guess. Fairylight-hyung and Autumn-hyung accompanied me the whole night. We talked more seriously though, which was sorta hard because Autumn was the center of jokes and supplied lots of them to use for the right time. They told me I can tell them anything that I feel. I got this tingly feeling that sat in my chest the whole night, the "in the mood" feeling. They told me I can say anything I feel, confess anything I wanted, because we were surrounded by this heart to heart mood that filled the atmosphere the whole evening.

But you know, as usual, I still couldn't. I remember I previously told Fairylight, and he promised me that he won't mention anything to Autumn until I asked him too. That was nice. I felt safe, also comforted. So I took my chances and did the safest option.

I trusted him, knowing that fact I love you. Throughout my whole life, it was honestly the most dangerous and risky thing that I've ever done. I don't usually trust people nowadays, it's just.. hard. Things have changed now, they can't be like the past. I hope things get better. I cut myself when my hand accidentally got scratched because of the broken closet door.

My hand is bleeding, the ruddy blood oozing. The wound was still fresh, the smell of the rusty metal reminded of my old kiddie bike that was dumped in our rooftop, and it hurt my hand badly when I try writing. It was like applying salt to my wound.

But I can't stop writing to you, even if I know that you won't read this. It's hopeless. I'm hopeless and stupid. Yeah, that's probably it.

I want to see you badly.

I miss you a lot,

Whalien.