[RECONSTRUCTING] whalien 52 »˚tk

0110 | 25

Alphabet Boy,

Let's stop.

I want to stop. I'm so fucking tired. I want to stop having this little secret with you. You have a girlfriend, Alphabet Boy. You have someone else, and you're cheating on them with me.

Fuck you. I found out because Squishy-hyung overheard Sooji talking about your first kiss together when he was getting our lunch. You still ignored me, but it improved, because you would occasionally smile at me or look me in the eye.

But now I can't even look Squishy-hyung in the eye. I felt embarrassed even though he knew not a single thing. I feel like you took away my dignity for myself. I felt like Squishy-hyung could see the memory of us kissing in my eyes. I felt so exposed, I didn't know what I to feel. Should I be mad? Should I be happy you're finally with someone? Am I supposed to feel jealous? Am I supposed to feel betrayed? I just sat there and ate my food while tears formed in my eyes.

I blinked them away when Squishy-hyung stared at me. I feel sorry for you again, for me and mostly, for her because you're cheating on your girlfriend with a boy.

She's spreading it all around the campus that her first kiss was the best moment in her entire life. What will I do, Alphabet Boy? I'm crying and feeling guilty at the same time if that's what you want to hear.

I'm sobbing mess and I'm so restless because I don't know what to do. I'm scared of what will happen next.

I can't help but look back into our situation. There you sat with her in the canteen, your arm around her waist. And later tonight, you would be on my bed, sitting crisscrossed while your lips are plush against mine.

What would she feel like?

What should I feel like?

You don't kiss her in public, I noticed that. Did I get all your kisses?

You lied to me.

I hate you.

I don't know what to feel,
Whalien.