[RECONSTRUCTING] whalien 52 »˚tk

1102 | 22

Alphabet Boy,

If it was hard for you to get ignored by me, it was much harder for Squishy-hyung to get ignored by me. He was always with me, during lunch, when we share those classes. I sat in the middle nowadays, and I've been listening more often to lectures instead of talking with him at the back. He still sits there. He was always there, but after the— I don't want to mention it. After that, I felt awkward with him. I can't stand the thought that he really likes me. Listen, what am I supposed to do?

It was obvious I didn't return the favor. I like Squishy-hyung and I love him, but I love him as friend. I might have a small crush on him, but it went away when he kissed me and I realized that I still like you. I've been lying to myself nowadays, I don't even know what's the truth.

It went on for days, days that I went home alone, ate alone, studied alone, wrote alone with no one in the room to bother me because it was his job. It was Squishy-hyung's job to become interested in what I writing here. But I couldn't handle it anymore. I needed my friend back, so I went to his house and asked for candy too. Like I did with you.

Squishy-hyung then hugged me and laughed at my costume. He told me he understood now, if I still wasn't ready, and if my heart still belonged to you. He was willing to wait, if you were still going to make your move but that will only be in my wildest dreams, I can't believe he thinks you will even make a move. Even so, I know that's gonna wait for a long time before I get over you.

What a stupid thought. If you think you're the only one I can wear a Joker costume to, you are actually correct because I wore a ladybug costume. The costume was nice but I looked ridiculously stupid while wearing it,but Squishy-hyung said that I look just alright with it.

Nothing was new, you were still going to school irregularly that it didn't bother me anymore. It's bothering some other students, but I think I don't care. It's starting to be gone, you know? My feelings starting to fade, like a wound healing. But the process is slow and burning, it's so hard. I know deep in me that I still like you, but I'm trying, alright? I'm trying. Squishy-hyung and I are fine now.

Your friends had been backstabbing you now, started spreading rumors that you've been sleeping around with one of your suitors. That you finally got sick. They called you a whore and I didn't like it.

I punched three of them, and I got suspended for it for a week since the three of them had major nose injuries. I hope you will finally think of me now, even for just a moment, because I felt so proud when I broke three of my fingers. It's though, hurts like a fucking bitch. But the pain is nice, it's very much sobering.

I'm sitting inside my room now.

With hopes for you,

Whalien.