[RECONSTRUCTING] whalien 52 »˚tk

0517 | 09

Alphabet Boy,

I forgot about you again. I was ecstatic this time, all new to this feeling of joy. It was addicting, the euphoria to leech on. It was hard to stay happy when you pop in my mind all so suddenly when I'm trying to have fun, but I managed. So, Autumn-hyung, Fairylight-hyung and I talked again today. Not much different from our average talks, but this was different from out last one. We talked about our favorite bands, favorite songs, and we vented out somethings.

I finally understood why Autumn rejected Shinee-hyung. He explained a lot when I asked too many questions, and now I understood why I had no reason at all to become judgmental because he knew how it felt to fall in love. Fairylight then told Autumn about him falling in love, all about the story of his childhood crush.

Of course Autumn needed to know, Fairylight was like his brother, he was my friend ever since childhood, even if Fairylight was older than us of three years. It was okay. Everything was alrught today. But when I got home, I suddenly got reminded of you. And you know what would also make me a whole lot happier than I already was?

Maybe you should shove your way out of my head, to erase your existence. I don't ever want to see you again.

This is all your fault, if we have never been friends, I would've never fallen in love with you. If you didn't complement my favorite song when my one of my earphones fell out of my ear and you listened to the song too, maybe we have never been friends.

Maybe I still would've thought you were just a bratty classmate, the one who's friends with the popular with no brains. I still would've thought you were just one mean classmate who acts dumb because you didn't like attention. You say you don't need and don't like attention, but why make one of your suitors fall in love with you too? Send you a flowers, and box of chocolates, when you know your parents will get mad? You're so fucking greedy, God. I wonder why.

Tell me, honestly.

Why?

Why do you do it? Why should you do this to me? You should know it's all your fault why I'm all fucked up inside.

Ugh, hell. Look at me, what did I do again? Trying to cut myself because I thought of you? No. I'll stop. I won't. I thought things over again before I started swiping the blade on my skin, and honestly I feel stupid now because I was trying to harm myself just from the thought of you? Just- stay away, please. I really can't stop thinking of you, Alphabet Boy.

I always try not to, but I can't. Not when I look around and everything reminds me of you. On TV channels, in songs, in fucking textbooks, in flavors, even in foods. I don't ever want to see you again.

I'm sorry,

Whalien.