Ashton's POV
Since I walked into the house I was left confused. Kat was obviously very hurt on the fact that her shop was being sold but the way she brought up Jesse being pregnant makes me wonder if it's more than just about this.
Kat is always so much more complex then that.
"Baby, open the door, please." I knock on the locked door, shrugging my shoes off at the same time. It was my first day at my new job and I was hoping to come home to tender kisses from my beloved, her pampering me with questions about the new job but somethings just don't work out like we want them to.
"Please if you'd just open-" I'm cut off with the door being swung open, Kat walking out confidently.
Her face isn't tear stained, her hair isn't messy how it was moments ago. But her face is expressionless as she walks past me.
"I'll be in the office for a while." She says quietly and before she can exit our room I grab her wrist, pulling her towards me.
I knew better than to let her dig herself another grave. I have to pull her out before she dives deeper in it and goes back to being closed up. I would hate if that happened.
"Don't do that." I speak to her softly, our noses nudging the tiniest of bits. She opens her mouth to protest but I cut her off before she can even start.
"Your building that damn wall again, I can feel it, literally, your going backwards - I need you to snap out of it." I speak to her sternly, staring intently into her eyes, trying to reach the Kat that was okay with opening up to me about what she was thinking.
"I'm not." She croaks out, my hand goes to her jaw, my thumb laying just over her parted lips. I trace the outline of her cupids bow.
"Please, talk to me, it's only me." I plead her quietly, her eyes began to water and I known I've cracked the code, I've defused the bomb.
"Do you ever picture me being a mother?" Kat asks me through a whimper. I'm caught off guard with the question, did I? Yes, occasionally. But did I want to instill that in her head knowing she had her phobia in the way of ever making the decision, no.
"I think... You'd make a great mom, when the time comes." I say hoping I said the right words.
"I don't." She says looking away from me, a single tear leaving her eye, trailing down her cheek.
"Don't say that." I peck her wet cheek, "Where is this coming from?" I decide to ask.
"Jesse was telling me earlier about her being pregnant and stuff... She said she couldn't wait to have a little Logan running around." Kat says but she isn't here, she's in her head - I grab ahold of both of her cheeks to bring her back.
"You can have that one day, baby." I tell her, she could if she truly wanted it. With me. I'd be happy to have children with Kat - not anytime soon, but eventually.
"I don't want that, I know nothing about children - I'll probably fuck up raising it and it'll be just like me, or worse." She says solemnly.
"Stop it, don't talk down like that, you know I don't like it." I lean down slightly to look directly into her eyes. She gulps, leaning into my palms.
"I lost another thing I love today." Kat says chuckling despite what just left her mouth.
"It's gone, it's not mine anymore, it's not a bond between Jesse and I - it's a goodbye, it's an omen, everything gets taken from me, everything." Kat says angrily, hastily, as she fists my shirt in her hands.
"Baby - babe, let's breathe okay, calm down." I say slowly, allowing my breathing be a guide for her.
"But hey, who cares what Kat wants right? What's a big check to memories and feelings? Nothing, apparently." Kat says yanking her body away from my grip, she starts to pace in front of me, her hands in her hair, tugging at the roots.
"Don't think of it like that, think of it as a business deal, a new chapter in life - it's not the end." I say softly, hoping it sparks something optimistic in Kat, it doesn't.
"Where else am I going to feel needed?" Kat turns to me, her face crinkled in sadness as she falls to her knees, sobbing into her palms.
I'm quick to her side. "Babe, I need you, why would you think otherwise?" I ask her, she sniffles as she looks at me.
"You don't need me, you can survive on your own." She says her voice laced with pain.
"No I can't. I can't last days without you let alone minutes, your the only thing that motivates me to be somebody every time I wake up in the morning, I need you beside me when we're sleeping, I need you near me so I can feel whole - you know this baby." I speak slowly to her, my fingers tangling with hers on her thigh.
"I need your love, I need your advice, I need your words of encouragement, I need you. All the time." I continue.
"Your just saying that." Kat mumbles, wiping at her nose.
"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it, wholeheartedly." I tell her, my fingers drawing small patterns on her palm to calm her.
"I love you, Kat, so fucking much." I add.
Kat looks down at her hands then back up at me, "I love you too." She whispers, more tears line up at the rim of her eyes.
"I'm so stupid." She mumbles to herself, wiping hastily at her eyes.
"Oh please." I mumble as I pull her into my chest, her body fitting perfectly in mine.
"Your incredible." I speak into her hair, tightening my grip around her.
"I'm a crybaby." She says and I can't help but agree.
"Little bit." I say jokingly hoping to get a smile from my girl. She looks up at me, a small smile on her lips causes my heart to flutter.
She's so beautiful.
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Double update wooooo !
