Conflict Reloaded

Chapter 4: It's Okay

"Hey grandma here's the m-" 

I paused at the third envelope in my hand. 

"This has my name on it?" 

I opened the envelope and took the wrinkled notebook paper out of it. 

"Jahlil wha- Don't read that!" 

She tried to snatch it out my hand but I held it up and read it. 

(Letter 

Dear Jahlil, 

Hey baby! How are you? I hope you're doing good. I most certainly miss you. You probably look so handsome. I know you do, and it's been nine long years. I'm sure you won't write back to this letter either, but I thought I would at least try. I wish I could hold you close and kiss all over your handsome face. The envelope has the address of the jail im in. It would be a blessing if you came to see me. I love you soooo much and I miss you so much. 

Love, Mommy.)

"Can I have my mail?" 

"You ha-" 

"She said I may not reply to this one either. Either is a dead giveaway that there are others. I want them." 

"I don't have to give you anything." 

I just shook my head and turned to walk away. 

"Wait Jahlil. I'm sorry." 

I smirked as I turned back towards her  

"You? Sorry? You have something to be sorry for?" 

"I'm sorry that you read that." She snatched it out of my hand. "You aren't going to see her or write her back. That's final. I don't want you to see her in that type of setting." 

"WHY DO YOU HATE ME GRANDMA?!" 

My vision began to get blurred. So blurred that I couldn't see her. 

"I don't. I just want what's best for you. Don't cry." 

She came over to me and hugged me. I buried my face in the crook of her neck and let out a painful cry. 

All these years I've been trying not to cry, but it feels so relieving. 

Why am I crying? Too many reasons. I always expected to be raised by two parents. After my parents split up, things were still going fine. I missed not seeing Brandon everyday, but we did cool stuff on the weekends. I missed going to some of his away games with my grandparents. Grandparents. Damn. My grandfather became my best friend when I lost my best friend. I wanted to be around him 24/7. He used to share his wisdom with me. I'll miss that man so much. 

My mom.... I don't know what to say about her. I wonder what my grandma has against her. It's probably nothing. My grandma has been so bitchy and mean to me lately. I don't even want to be around her since it seems like she doesn't want me. Wonder if she ever did. I'm just trying to figure out what I did wrong. 

My grandfather would say, "It doesn't matter what you came from. What matters is where you're headed." I couldn't agree more. A kid in the slums of the ghetto could turn out to be a millionaire. A kid raised around 'All gold everything' could end up piss poor under a bridge. I am my father's child, true enough, but that does not mean that I will turn out to be like him. I'm already different from him. I've only had one girlfriend before. From what I heard he was the cocky star of the football team who could get any female he wanted. Aunt Lisa keeps it real with me when I ask about Brandon. He'd get with any female that would get with him. And my mom fell for him. My mother put all her trust and love into that man, but he was cheating on her from the jump. If I don't wan't to be tied down or if I wanted to be single, I would be real about it. 

That cheatin' shit ain't cool. That's why my relationship with Amanda came to an end. She wasn't slick with her shit at all. I caught her in the worst way too. Walked into the boys restroom at school to see her pinned up against a wall. I was made as fuck at her but beat the shit out of that dude. Funny though, cause Nate was a good friend of mine before that happened. 

Anyway. I went all outside my point. Whatever it was suppose to be. 

Oh yeah, my point is that my life changed for the worse when I was conceived.

(Malia) 

"Malia you have company." 

I looked over at my mother. I look almost just like her. We have the same olive skin, dark brown eyes, full lips, and small nose. People say my ears are big, but I don't think so. My mom has big boobs and a big behind. I have B cups and my behind isn't super flat, but I'm far from a 'donk'. 

"I thought I was grounded." 

"You are." She moved to the side. "That's why I told Jahlil he could come see you. I better not have no one else in here though. He's the only exception." 

"Okay. Thank you mom." 

She smiled at Jahlil then went back to wherever she was. In her eyes, Jahlil is a hero. He saved her baby girl from a world of hurt. At first I was upset with Jahlil. Not because he beat up my EX, but because he got himself hurt.  

Jahlil came in and put a container on my desk. He sat at my desk without saying a word. I got up and pulled a chair over to the desk to sit by him. 

"How are you?" 

He looked at me then looked back at the box. "Man I don't know." He took the top off the box then started going through the envelopes. "Remember what I said about my mom? About how I felt like she left because of me?" 

"Yeah." 

"Well I was wrong Mali. She tried to get in touch with me through letters. Everyone knew, but no one wanted to tell me! My grandmom kept these letters from me for over nine years. This one right here is the first one she sent me. Three weeks after she went M.I.A." 

I took the letter from him and read it to myself. 

(Letter: 

Dear Jahlil, 

Hi baby! I'm sure you want to know where I am. I am in a bad place because I did a bad thing. It felt like the right thing to do, but now I realize it was the worst thing to do. I have failed you son, and I am sorry. I wish I could be there with you and Jamarcus and Khalil. Take care of them for me while I am gone! I hope I can see you again some day. I hope you have a great holiday season. Mommy loves you and I miss you so much. 

Love, Mommy)

"Aww Jahlil. I don't know what to say." 

"While I don't know what to do. In the last letter she sent me, she said she wanted me to go see her. I don't know what to do. What would you do?" 

"You're thinking about it, so I say do it. I know you must still care for her. That's your mother." 

"True, but-" 

"Eh, no buts. You have a chance to reconnect with your mother. I'm sorry to say this, but your father sounds like a lost call. You can atleast have her. Not the way you want, but spending a little time with someone you love is better than spending no time with someone you love." 

He smiled and leaned over to hug me. "I love you Mali." 

"I love you too Jay."