【 insomnia 】destiel

✧ night twelve ✧

I was slammed against the front door, a small groan escaping my smiling lips as i tugged at his jet black hair. "fuck.. slow down so i can open the damn door.." I muttered between our wet sober kisses as i turned the door knob to enter the room.

He shut the door behind us with the back of his heal as he started to tug my clothing off quickly, sucking small marks against my neck that would surely fade in the morning.

"Your so hot.." He purred against my skin as i smirked in response. "Your not bad yourself." I gave a quick smile as i started to lift his shirt up. "Holy crap Dallas.." I hummed as i trailed my hands down his exposed skin with a devilish grin. "Your turn." He growled taking and throwing my shirt to the floor with a thud.

Our lips soon met again, a feeling of lust radiating off his body as i let him do what he wanted. I didn't plan on bringing him home, but my mind kept on wondering back to Cas, and i wanted it to stop, so this was my last option.

I bet he doesn't even like you anymore

I thought as i threw Dallas onto the bed in one quick motion.

He's probably got a new boyfriend thats better than you.

I straddled him quickly as my mind kept on toying with me emotionally, the pain in my gut making everything worse.

Cas never even loved you in the first place!

I kissed Dallas hard as i franticly tried to escape my thoughts, his hands running through my hair as he used this opportunity to flip us over. I felt my body being pressed deeper into the bed as he trailed his kisses down to my jaw.

This is what i want, right? I thought to myself as he pulled at my ear lobe, making me gasp silently to myself before he started to work his was down my neck.

I looked away, not even feeling remotely pleasured by this as i normally would. I gasped as he nibbled at my shoulder, my vision becoming blurry as i felt tears form in my eyes. I blinked quickly so Dallas wouldn't notice how much this was tearing me apart.

Its going to take the pain away.. I remembered, feeling my eyes flutter close as he rolled his hips into mine, a small grunt escaping my lips. "Your so attractive Dean." He whispered into my ear as i felt a cold shiver go down my spine.

But something wasn't right, this wasn't right.

I didn't love Dallas, i only loved his looks. I know nothing about him, and I'm just going to let him fučk me like nothing. I felt a tug in my chest as i realized what i was doing. I pushed him off me quickly, a whine escaping his lips as i sat up, but he pushed me back into the bed. "Im topping tonight, so stay low doll."

I felt my skin grow cold as i franticly tried to push him away. "You can top on another day.." He laughed deeply as i shook my head. "No! i dont want to do this another day!" I yelled back as i pushed him, his brows scrunching up in confusion. "I thought you wanted this." He said in a low voice as i quickly scooted away from him. "I thought i did, but not anymore.." I replied breathing heavily.

I looked around the room, not wanting to make any eye contact with him, but then i saw a small folded note on the dresser that defiantly wasn't there before.

"You need to leave." I brought my eyes back to Dallas as he frowned. "I didnt pressure you to do this did i?" He asked as he slowly sat up on the bed next to me, the springs creaking lightly.

"No, this isn't your fault, its.. Its mine okay? Just please leave." I reassured him, running my fingers through my messy hair as he gave a small nod. "Ill see you around Dean." Dallas muttered as he picked up his clothes from the floor, slipping on only his shirt, but i didn't reply.

He left soon after, and when that door shut, i ran to the dresser and grabbed the note, opening it from its clean folds. I ran my fingers across the blue ink slightly as i recognized its small print.

Dear Dean,

I came by our dorm today expecting to see you with your nose in a textbook or a drink in hand, but i only saw an empty room with two beds.

I never knew how small our room was until now as i stood in the center of it, surrounded by empty bottles and crumpled up homework assignments.

I remember looking around for our old clock, the one that we always watched together, but i nearly forgot it broke.

We should get a new one sometime.

I miss this place dean, i miss you. It took me a while to realize that but now i know how much you effect my life, for the good and bad.

I never wanted this to happen. I was blinded by jealousy and rage, and i jumped to conclusions before even thinking about what i was doing. Im sorry for leaving you, but I'm glad i did.

I just want to come back home.

- Cas

I held the letter in my trembling hands as my tears dripped onto the paper, a sigh escaping my lips as i pulled it to my bare chest.

I felt a large amount of weight lift off my shoulders as i looked up into the ceiling, the tears slowly pouring down my face as i smiled to myself, a laugh escaping my lips out of pure joy.

"I almost had sex with a stranger." I suddenly realized, my eyes growing wide as i wiped my tears away. "I almost.. Oh god what the hell was i thinking!?" I ran my hand down my face as i mentally slapped myself.

I just wanted the pain to go away and i didn't know how desperate i was until now. "Im a friggin idiot.." I groaned as i threw myself into the bed, thinking for a moment as i gathered my thoughts together.

I peeled my eyes open and looked around the destroyed room full of clothes and empty bottles of sorrow. "Im a wreck too.." I muttered as i jumped off the bed with a grunt.

I bent down and started to pick up the mess I've made over the past week, regret slowly filling me as i threw away more than eight beer bottles.

I fixed the dorm and felt slightly better as it started to look like it use too before. I glanced around the room and spotted my backpack leaning on the closet, sighing as i remembered i haven't done any homework in a few days.

I grabbed my bag and threw it onto my top bunk, climbing up after it as i glanced at Cas' bed, a small smile tugging at my lips as i spotted the slumped bee in the same corner.

He's coming home.