My Saving Grace (Book 3)

May 22, 2030

Toby was trembling. His back was pressed against the wall and his knees were tucked up against his chest. He blinked to keep away his tears but that didn't stop the itching in the back of his head. His wrists called out to him, the voices in his head taunting him. It was like a withdrawal and the pain of it all had finally set in.

It was still dark outside but the chirping of the birds signalled the closeness of dawn. The sky was turning a lighter shade of purple and the moon had completely disappeared from view.

The room was warm and in recent weeks had become some what of a home to Toby. It was reasonably small with a single bed in the middle. The walls were off-white and clean. A large window covered half of the wall, looking out onto the pitches where the football and baseball teams trained. Which Toby hadn't bothered to take part in. Heavy curtains hung on either side of the window but Toby never drew them because it felt like he was cutting himself off from the world again. The ground was carpeted and soft. The room was illuminated by a desk lamp and various different fairy lights that dotted the room but they were turned off at that moment. At the end of the bed sat an easel, a sketch pad and pots full of paintbrushes and pencils. This had appeared recently as they had found it was something that calmed Toby, but not right now.

No, right now he was chasing himself around in his head. Evil laughter and words of distaste bounced around in his brain. He wished for the night to be over so he could run away and distract himself but the lights wouldn't turn on in the hallway until seven thirty and it was only five fifty-two. He had watched the digital clock on the wall for a while now and it seemed to blur in and out of focus, the numbers never seeming to change.

He had been awake most of the night scaring himself from his slumber at about half past one. He thought things were getting better and yet now it felt like he was at square one again. It was two am when he had moved himself to the floor, the constraint of the heavy duvet adding to the pressure on his brain.

He tried to concentrate on something, reading a book, looking out the window, even drawing a picture but he quickly became spacey. So now he had resorted to squashing his body into a ball against the cold wall. It didn't really help either but once he had sat down he really didn't feel like standing up again. The effort would destroy him.

Toby's whole body was screaming for him to give up and his mind began to wander to how hard it would be to fashion a noose out of the threading in the mattress. He shook away the thought quickly though, thinking about his parents and Penny and Kai and how all of them had made him promise to try and get better.

And yet he was trying. He had been here for almost four weeks. Deep down he knew it took longer than that to rebuild yourself but in the moment it sounded too much like hard work. He wanted it to all be over!

At some point between five fifty-six and seven thirty Toby fell asleep. His brain had finally given up and he had collapsed in exhaustion. This came as a surprise when he felt someone softly shaking him awake. "Toby, wake up, sweetie."

Toby's eyes began to flutter open and he was immediately blinded by the light that rushed in through the window. He hissed trying to retreat away but quickly realised he couldn't move any further as he was still sat against the wall. The light made his head pound, the sun seemingly an unwanted source of heat. It made him want to scream but he stopped himself, noticing the woman sat in front of him.

"It's okay. What are you doing on the floor?" The woman asked. He didn't know her. He recognised her but no, he didn't know this woman's name. She was a reasonable height with long brown hair, black rimmed glasses sat on her nose and the odd freckle graced her Snow White skin.

Toby refused to speak, moving away from her with caution, which backed him into a corner. "Hey, it's alright. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm Mel. I've seen you before, haven't I? I'm mostly posted in the food hall but I'm up here today." She whispered. Her voice was soothing and friendly making Toby feel a little more at ease. He still didn't speak though, fearing not knowing her.