The Infected

Chapter 51

~•~ Chapter 51 ~•~

“Chris?” I knocked on his door. “Please open up.” I muttered.

After having lunch alone, I knew that I needed to talk to someone that suffered the same pain as I did. And that was Chris. I also felt bad for leaving him go through this without even saying a single word, but I was too weak. Just by mentioning her name, I would break down, and he would, too. Even now, that I'm standing outside his door, I was trembling with fear that I won't be able to control myself.

“Chris please...” I said quietly, leaning my head against the door. “You're the only one that will understand me..”

The door opened, revealing a very tired Chris behind. His chocolate skin seemed darker on his face and bags were hanging from beneath his sad eyes. My heart tugged at how bad he looked.

“And you're the one that will understand me.” He muttered, voice husky.

He walked further into the room, leaving the door open. I walked inside, the lights were turned down into a soft glow, as if he wanted to surround himself into a darker place, just like I did. I closed the door behind me and sighed. He took a seat on his messy bed and leaned his elbows against his knees.

“Liam sent you?” he asked, eyes staring at me.

“He told me I should talk to you, but I was going to do it anyway..” I admitted.

“There's nothing we have to say, Claire.” he muttered. “We can't change anything. Why talk about something that will bring us only pain?” his eyes turned guilty.

I pursed my lips. He's right. Maybe if we don't talk about this, we'll forget it faster and it will be a lot less painful.

But I knew better.

“Going through the pain is the best way to heal.” I said quietly.

He scoffed and looked away. “Claire, I don't want to talk about her..”

“Well I want.” I said, grabbing the chair that was on my right and placing it in front of him. I sat down. “I need to take it out. It's..drowning me.” I muttered.

He sighed, eyes still staring at the floor.

“I miss her already. I can't believe that I-I will never see her again..It's too much for me to handle..You are the only person that feels me right now.”

“I can't forget her eyes, Claire.” he croaxed, making my stomach knot. “She was so scared..” His voice came out shaky.

My eyes started watering and I bit my cheek, trying to fight them back. I know how it feels like. I keep bringing her scared look before my own eyes. The guilt that hit my chest was indescribable. “We couldn't do anything..”

“No we could!” he argued, raising his voice, making me jump. “I was there when it happened! You weren't! I should have saved her– I should have her back!  I didn't do any of this!” he stood up and started pacing back and forth. “Do you know how that makes me feel? The thought that I was so close to her—but I did nothing—it makes me feel so—,“

“Useless.” I said, causing him to purse his lips. “I feel the same way, Chris.”

He shook his head, his own eyes drowned in tears. “You were with Harry. You couldn't do anything. I could.” He said, coming to a halt. “It's my fault she died, Claire, and I'm so sorry for that.”

“No, don't say that. Chris..what happened was meant to happen.” I tried to ease his pain.

“I could have saved her.” he growled slowly. “She was always covering my back and I had promised I would cover hers. I didn't keep my promise.” tears now fell down his face.