Identity is a problem I've struggled with my whole life
So bad that
I've began to avoid my sanity
Seeing as everything that kept it together was made up of white lies and meaningless words
how am I supposed to stay sane
When my life is slowly driving me down the path I promised myself I'd never revisit
because with with every lie that is revealed to me I realize my life isn't what I thought it was
Ever since the age of five
I never understood why I was bullied my whole life
It wasn't until I realized that I am the product of two drunken monsters I've soon learned to hate,
But what always confused me was no body knew that except for me, so why did I feel like I was being punished for it by everyone around me,
My existence confused me
It was like I knew who I wanted to be but I couldn't get there no matter how hard I tried
It occurred to me that No one ever said that how I was perceived was by all the things I love, have loved, and all the people I keep close to me , how I read, what I laugh at, my obsessions and my secrets and even the small little things like what I do when I feel like the world is crushing me with all its might,
Because what my thoughts let me believe was that my identity was what I looked like which to me was what I believed everyone who saw me didn't like, my past, my parents if that's what you can even call them, my mistakes and I know I've made many, an what everyone thought of me,
It wasn't until 2015 that I loosened the grasp my monsters had a hold of me, the one that was weighing me down day to day causing me to feel a man made buzz in my brain, where I was feeling like I was drowning constantly
No break for air
Just a tightening aching stinging in my chest at all hours of the day,
Something sleep couldn't even cure
Once that feeling subsided
I revisited an escape that I had discovered back in 2009
It brought me to the world id always hoped of getting back too
It was like my own personal never land I felt like I could finally fly
And there I learned who I was and who I wanted to be
How to dump all the things I wanted to forget out of my life for good, at least I hoped I would
Now I've come to learn the greatness that is poetry
Writing is that escape I had found back what seems like a life time ago
It's how I've grown as a person
It's how I've found where my lost soul went and I couldn't be more content than when I'm drowning myself in written words and book spines,
These are the things that define me
The ones that make up my identity
Cause without the pain I've felt, the love I've given, the things I've dealt with and the lostness I've gone through with myself
I wouldn't be able to say that I am a
A and B student in the 10th grade, with a 3.4 Gpa and only two years left till I graduate,
That there are four people in this world that mean more to me than anything , and a poetry project that I hand built from scratch that is now at a total of 3.19 thousand readers,
The fact that I can tell you who I am without using words other people define me with is a feeling that I thought I'd never get back again , because back when Everything was okay this was how it was and even now Some things never change
like my mind always being stuck in Neverland
my strong belief in Peter Pan
The love I have for city lights
My insane obsession with heights
my curious heart
And how I never break a promise
all these things have yet to change
Now I'm praying to keep it this way
As I try to stay out of harm's way.
Keeping my identity safe from all the Knife felt words I've learned to forget
YOU ARE READING
Project Feel
Sachbücher"Written words speak when your voice fails" I started this project almost two years ago as a way for people all around the world to see that they are not voiceless or alone and that there isn't just one version of life. Not only that but also to sh...
