Mama I Miss You/I Need You

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Malaysia
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I woke up the next morning not able ta go ta work cause August beat my ass again and my boss at target just told me they have ta let me go cause I can't keep missing days and plus August came up there several times being disrespectful and hitting on me and I've begged them not ta fire me and I apologized fa August but they said they couldn't continue dealing with that so I'm fired.
I try so hard ta make August happy and satisfied but its not good enough and I will do whatever plus more ta make him happy. I'm a terrible wife mother and aunt I'm a failure like August said I'm worthless.
I was laying in bed when Chay walked in and i hate the children seeing me with black eyes and shit but Chay nem know they uncle and they just deal with it.but she walked into the bedroom and hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.

Chay:you ok auntie laysia ?
Malaysia:I'm good sweetie.
Chay:he hurt you again didn't he ?
Malaysia:I'm ok tho sweetie.
Chay:he wants you ta come eat so he sent me ta get you.
Malaysia:I'm not hungry and plus I'm tired and don't really feel well.
Chay:you know how uncle august is please come eat please auntie laysia.

Just then August walks in as I was getting outta bed and Chay just walked out and I looked at August and he fucking slapped me and I rubbed my right cheek with watery eyes.

August:bitch when I say come eat that's what I mean.it shouldn't take you no damn five minutes.
Malaysia:I had ta get my....
August:bitch shut up and bring yo ugly ass on here fa this shit get cold.ion wanna hear shit you gotta say.
Malaysia:ok August.
August:you getting smart with me hoe ?
Malaysia:no baby I was just saying ok.
August:mane get yo self together shawdy and come eat.you got 10mins hurry the fuck up.
Malaysia:I need more than 10mins tho baby.
August:bitch you got 10 muhhfuckin minutes like I said.
Malaysia:ok.

After I washed my face and brushed my teeth I put my hair in a ponytail and I put makeup on my face and I went into the dinning room and sat down at the table and said good morning ta the children and then august cursed me out cause I didn't speak ta him or kiss him.nigga you beat my ass last night and fucked my face up and put bruises on me and you want me ta speak ta you.after August and I kissed we sat down ta eat.

August:aye shawdy stop fucking playing with me so gahh damn much.
Malaysia:ok august I'm sorry baby.
August:mane just shut up and eat.
Malaysia:I'm not really hungry tho baby.
August:yo ass better eat and I cooked all this food.
Chay:please eat with us auntie malaysia.
August:she gone eat ain't cha ?
Malaysia:yes.
August:after we done eating go clean our bedroom bathroom/do the laundry/ and cook dinner.
Malaysia:what you got a taste for ?
August:ion know think of sum hell.
Malaysia:ok baby,
Chay:auntie Malaysia you ok ?
August:girl hush up and eat she ok ain't it baby ?
Malaysia:yea I'm good love.
Kaykay:uncle August why you mean ta auntie malaysia and she real nice.
August:Lil girl hush up and eat yo food.
Maliyah:bitch hoe bitch fuck.
August:(pops her 3times) watch yo mouth.Malaysia fa real tho yo ass need ta eat befo I slap piss from you.

After we ate and I cleaned up and did what August told me to I went outside around 9:00 at night.I miss my mama so much Like I wish she was here to hold me and tell me ta stay strong and that everything gone be ok.
I want my mama so bad.I need her so badly yaw fa real.I just broke down and cried to much going on in my life and I'm to young fa this shit man fa real fa real.then my husband is abusive and controlling and shit.I'm here in New Orleans no family nobody. August caused me one of my jobs and I'm just fucking stressed out.I just wanted ta talk ta my mama and oh yea I think I'm pregnant again and August gone be mad cause right now isn't the right time ta be having another baby we barely making it as it is.but as I was saying i had ta talk ta my mama.she may be in heaven but I know she hears me and I feel her presence which means she knows I need her.

Mommy I miss you everyday not a day goes by that ion think of you.you my heart and I wish I could hug you and kiss you just once more.you left me way to soon but God needed you more.so much going on in my life mommy that I wanna give up but I know you wouldn't want me to so I'm not.
Mercedes and I don't speak at all and destiny and I don't talk either.me and diamond pretty cool I guess. I know you wanted Mercedes ta be a mother figure but she been nothing of that sort.she is a pain in my butt tho.I dropped outta college cause I just didn't care about school or anything else.I'm sorry I let you down mommy I really am. My husband God knows I love that mad beyond the moon and stars but he crazy abusive controlling demanding plus more but I can't be without him or all five of my babies three which are his nieces and we have two of our own and might be three cause I think I'm pregnant again.
I....well we relocated ta his hometown New Orleans and I love it here don't get me wrong but I miss LA a lot.
Mommy I need you so bad.its so much I wanted us ta do as mommy and daughter. You don't know how much I miss you or how much I need you.this thing called life sure is crazy and hard but I'm doing ok I guess.well mommy I love you and I'll talk ta you later.

As I wiped away tears August came his retarded ass outside and sat down beside me.

August:the fuck you doing out here ?
Malaysia:I was talking ta my mommy up in heaven I miss her so much baby its hard without her.
August:you gone be aight. You a strong woman and she with you in yo heart shawdy.
Malaysia:I know but I just need her right now.
August:a nigga can't bring her back but I'm pretty sho she proud of you baby.
Malaysia:I guess.
August:let's get sum rest aight.
Malaysia:ok cause I am sleepy.

August and I went inside locked up and we went into our bed room had sex and went ta sleep.

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