Chapter 1: Unironic Band Tees

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Lucifer was spread out on his throne playing with a flaming pinwheel when a teenager appeared in front of him.

"Well, time for action i guess..." he said with fake enthusiasm... "Hi, my name is Lucifer, you may know me as the Devil, Satan, take your choice... my sexual prey call me "Master" its really up to you... This is Hell, you are here, it is not a mistake, save your tears we've got eternity together... any questions?"

The boy was stunned. But not afraid, he hadn't believed in Hell, but was prepared to go if fate turned out that way.

"Shouldn't I be in pain? On fire or something?" The boy asked observing the devil's castle. It was red, fire was a decoration of sorts in some parts, but it did not seem a torture palace by any means.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "Are they still spreading that propaganda? They do know I was an angel at one point right!? I'm not /that/ evil. Also, infinite pain? How dull.... What are you in for, kid? Suicide? Did you kill your childhood bully? No, then he'd be here too... Come on spill the juice, this part's my favorite."

The boy acted aggravated. "Overdose... I guess, i certainly don't remember dying."

The devil nodded in partial approval. "I'm gonna guess prescription pills. You don't have to confirm, i tend to be right about these things. Shame though... so young" he giggled then said mockingly "High school is /sooo/ hard, no one understands"

The boy clenched his fists. "It /is/ hard. You have no idea what my life was like... you're just like everyone else.." He said sternly

Lucifer laughed even harder. "HOw am I like everyone else, I'm the fucking devil, kid! You teens, so stuck in your bubble of self pity, I'd love to be a teenager... You know I'm popular right now!?" he giggled more "They worship me, write stories about me, prefer me to God, half the time.... It's great.. gotta love this generation."

"You'd hate it." The boy said crossing his arms.

The devil's face brightened with an idea. "Care to wager? Hear me out... I become a teenager for a month. You become Satan for a month. Obviously I'd still have my powers, but I would conceal them from the rest of the world. And i would give you a small fraction of my powers and let you live on my throne.. See how you like it when all the demons look up to you and the rest of the world hates you.... If I win, that is, If i become King of the school, I get your soul, If you win, and i hate it, I'll pull some strings and get you up into heaven, they accept overdoses all the time." He let a moment pass. "You in, Derek?"

Derek thought for a long time. "How do you know my name?"

The devil gave him a look. "I am a powerful being you know! God, what are they telling these kids, they used to respect me at least. Now they think they can scare me away with prayer... I didn't wanna hang with them anyways!" The devil looked offended. "You in or not?"

Derek smiled for the first time in Hell, "Yeah.. I'm in." He said and they shook hands.

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