Destiny ~ Book Two Of The "Meant to Be" Series

Chapter 28

He told me he didn't sleep at all for a few days, and that he didn't plan to until he made sure Olivia was safe, and next to him. I understand that completely. It feels horrible knowing that Olivia is probably suffering, and we are just laying around, doing nothing. Totally useless.
   We lied in bed when we came home, and just talked. "Do you ever feel like this?" I asked, referring to what I'm feeling right now. "Wanting to die so bad . . . Wanting to leave everything behind . . . Hating yourself . . ." He nodded.he stroked my hair lightly and stared at me in the eyes.
   "Yes, I do." His answer confused me. He never looks sad to me, except now of course, that Olivia got kidnapped.
   "How do you keep your mind off of it?" I asked.
    "I focus on the things that keep me happy, and the things that won't let me thing that keep me wanting to live, so I can enjoy them until death reaches me naturally," his calm voice soothed me. "I wouldn't want to take my whole future away. Death will come sooner or later, but it all depends on how much we've exploited it."
     "And what are those things that keep you happy?" I asked. I want to be happy too. I would rather live a happy life than kill myself, but I can't seem to be happy anymore.
     "You and Olivia." He whispered and a faded smile creeped on his face in the midnight darkness. He sighed calmly and pulled me closer, kissing the top of my head and hugging me tightly. "I love you so much, Tris. I don't know if you realize that. I can't imagine what I would do if I lost you too." These words brought tears to my eyes. I sniffled, and he tilted my head up, kissing my lips. I pulled back and let out the sobs I was keeping in the back of my throat. He pulled me into his embrace once again. I rested my head on his chest, listening and focusing on his heartbeat, which seemed to calm me down. And here we are. In the same position after more than four hours.
He said he wouldn't sleep, bit I think he did. He's exhausted, no doubt he would sleep. I'm thankful he is anyways. If he weren't sleeping, then I couldn't leave for the park. I slowly lift my head up, checking the electric clock on the nightstand next to Tobias.
4:48
I get out of bed as slowly and quietly as I can, trying not to wake Tobias up. I walk on my tip toes, and grab my jacket and get out of the room, slowly closing the door behind me. Tears build in my eyes and blink them away. Every step I take away from this place makes me want to go back to Tobias and hug him tightly as I cry the life out of me. I can't now. There's now time. I should of thought about that earlier.
    I tie my shoes and then wear my jacket. I tie my hair in a ponytail so it won't get in my face, and then walk out the door. The park is near. I remember the last time I saw Eric was when he told me to meet him at the park, and he shot his gun to the air. I was scared and fell to the ground. His threatens were – still are – horrible. I texted Christina to look out the window of her house, since it's across the street from the park, but she didn't reply. She was probably sleeping.
   The sun has started to rise, and birds calmly tweet. Since it's summer, it's not cold, but a bit chilly. I stuff my hands in my jacket pockets and stare down at the road.
    I hope Eric shows up. And if he does, I hope he took Olivia with him. What has he been doing to her? Was she fed well? Was she treated well? Did he beat her? I hope not. She's just a child. A young innocent child who always dreamed of having a normal life. Normal family. Normal life. Normal. I miss her presence. I miss how she always made me smile, and how she wanted me to read her stories before going to bed. She never got bored of them. I read Piter Pan to her every single night before she went to sleep, and the way she listened to it, full of interest and excitement made me think it's the first time her ears are listening to this story. These little things make me hate myself for not enjoying them at the fullest.
   I wonder how Tobias will feel though. Of course he'll be happy to see Olivia, but what will he think when he finds out I'm gone? When he finds out I left? How will he react? I can't even imagine the look on his face when he wakes up to see himself sleeping alone, wondering of where I might have left. I didn't even write a letter, so he won't even know where I am (I don't know that either, but he'll never know that I left for Olivia).
    I wanted us to grow old together. Get married. Have children. I just came back from LA, and stuff have been going horribly till now. Either this place is cursed, or I am. Something is definitely wrong. I can never see, to feel a slight of happiness for a while. Me or Tobias, or anyone around me. I just want to be happy. I don't want diamond rings. I don't want a lot of clothes, or a huge house full of empty rooms. I don't want money. I just want to be happy. Is that too much to ask for? I don't want to force a smile. I don't want to pretend I'm fine. I don't want to fake a laugh. I just want pure happiness. That's all I need in life, and that's all I want.
    But there are no hopes for me to be happy anymore . . . I've surrendered myself to Eric for Olivia. Who knows what he'll do with me? Who knows where he'll send me? For what he'll use me? Who knows how long he'll keep me?
    Therefore; it's over. All my hopes of having my dream-life, gone. But it's still worth it. Olivia's life is way more important than mine. She's only six, and she has her whole life ahead of her. She's too young to be experiencing these kinds of stuff. It all needs to stop. She needs to be free. She needs to be happy.
    I arrive at the park, and just when I stop walking I see a vehicle parking on the road a few yards away from me. A man gets out of the car first, and then he opens the back door. A small body shrunk in a corner of the vehicle, hugging her knees and shivering. Her arms are bruised and she has a few cuts. Her face pale, an almost-healed bruise on the side of her cheek. Messy hair tied back into a pony tail. She still wears her girl scout uniform, but now its ripped a bit. She tilts her head up. Our eyes meet. My eyes fill with tears and I cover my mouth with my hands as I run towards Olivia.