Kryptid

Chapter 7 : dating

Isabelle pov:

I was pissed off at life. It was sweet and caring at one second and biterly unfair the next. Alex had seemed happy today, he even laughed. He seemed better. And I was so glad for him. The fact that he was happy filled me with joy that I couldn't explain. His hazel eyes were full of delight almost the whole day. Then when we were checking out at the shoe store I saw a man turn around and when he did I instantly knew something was wrong. Alex froze, his fists clenching at his side. I asked him what was wrong. He didn't respond. Then he mumbled something about leaving and ran out of the store. When me and Cameron had gotten to the car i noticed that Alex's door handle was crumpled like he crushed it. Alex was sitting in the passenger seat his face white and he was staring off. I got in along with Cameron and started driving. We both kept asking him what was wrong but he didn't even seem to hear us. Finally he answered but he was stuttering and quiet. When we got back to base Cameron went to his room and Alex to his. I wanted to follow Alex but I knew he would just push me away. I went to go talk to max. We talked for a very long time. When we finally got done I started straight for Alex's room. When I got there I knocked but there was no reply so I opened the door. And what I saw was horrible. Alex was sitting on his bed a blade in his left hand and that blade was piercing his right wrist.

"Alex!" I shouted at him. He looked up weakly, his expression was one of defeat. "Why!" I shouted again. I was mad not at him but at everything that had driven him to this. "So It was right. I don't deserve you" was all he said his voice distant. Suddenly I was shocked. "Is that why you've been pushing me away? Or why you're doing this?" I asked. He nodded. I was honestly shocked. Here I was thinking it was about me but it wasn't. He was in a battle against his demons. "Alex i" I stopped not knowing what to say. "You don't have to do this. You deserve anything" I said awkwardly. He looked up at me, tears gleaming In his eyes. "I always thought that it all happened to me because I deserved it. That I didn't deserve anything good. That I didn't deserve friends or happiness" he said, his voice scratchy. "And I keep pushing you away because I don't deserve you and if you get near me I'll only hurt you" he said the tears falling from his eyes. "No no no, Alex god no" I said. "And now I really fucked up. You're angry at me" he said. "No I'm angry that those bastards tortured the will to be happy, the will to live out of you" I said to him. "Because you deserve so much better than the best. Alex you are amazing you sweet and kind and you are genuinely nice and caring and it hurts me to see what they did to you and when you're happy it makes me happy because well, I really like you" I said to him. He was looking at me now his expression was shocked. He didn't reply for a long time.

"After I got out of there I wanted to kill myself. I was scared of everything. Even to sleep because every night I would have nightmares so bad I would wake up crying or screaming. But you changed that. You made me feel wanted. You made me happy. Then I realized that if I was with you bad things would happen. So I pushed you away even though I did not want to. I wanted to be with you. You're beautiful. Not hot but truly gorgeous. You are amazing funny and just perfect. You are the reason I'm alive" he said with tears flowing down his cheeks. I was shocked. I stood there looking retarded, my mouth hanging open. I also felt strangely honored. I was his reason for living. I made him feel good. "I didn't, I didn't know" was all I could say. "I thought you didn't like me and that was why you were pushing me away and I thought maybe he just a needs time alone" I said. He shook his head. "No, I hate being alone that's when the nightmares and panic attacks start" he said looking away from me. I walked over to the bed and plucked the bloody blade out of his shaky hand. "I'm so sorry" I said. I could feel tears sting my own eyes. "It's not your fault. It's me. And now here I am making you cry" he replied. "It's ok" I said and scooted closer to him. "Do you still think you don't deserve me?" I asked. He nodded. "Then I'll have to prove you wrong" I said and took his hand in mine he turned to me and hugged me. His head rested on my shoulder. I could feel him crying. "I'm going crazy" he said into my shoulder. "The nightmares won't stop and they keep getting worse" he continued on. "I'm scared to even go to sleep. And then sometimes I have panic attacks and I feel like I'm dying" he finished. "Do you trust me?" I asked him. I felt him nod. "Then you'll have to believe me when I say it's going to be all right" I said. He didn't reply for awhile, just leaned into my shoulder. "I know this might sound weird he said but when I'm around you I don't know, it's like you calm me down and I'm not as scared" he said. "Then I'll be with you more often" I said. He started scooting away "I'm sorry for all of this" he said finally looking into my eyes. "It's fine Alex. That what friends do for each other." I replied back. "Let me see your wrist" I said. He looked down at himself. His look turned to disgust. "You still want to be with me after I've done this?" He asked me. I looked him in the eye and said "yes" he smiled the faintest of smiles but it was a smile. He put his arm out to me. "Do you know how to lower your shield?" I asked gently. "I think. It's like when someone tries to use an ability on me it's like I'm on one side of a wall and they're on the other and I can feel them pushing against it" he said. I took his arm in my hands. "Lower it please" I asked him. He concentrated and his eyes started turning the pink they always did when suddenly they turned a brilliant purple. "You eyes" I said. He looked at me questioningly. " they usually turn pink but now they're purple" I said. "I think I disabled my shield " was all he said back. I took his wrist and concentrated. I felt the cut. The pain wasn't that bad. It was easy to heal. But I didn't stop there. I felt his fear. His hatred and disgust at himself. I started taking it into myself. After awhile it was to much and I had to pull away. "You didn't have to do that" he said and came closer. I was shaking. I didn't expect it to be that much.

"Why?" He said, his face that of concern. " Because you need a break" I said my voice was shaky. Damn it I told myself control yourself. "Izzy" he said and instantly he shut up. " nicknames now?" I asked. He started talking fast "no I mean I uh I'm sorry I didn't I I'm sorry" he mumbled out. I stopped him "it's fine. I think it's cute" I replied back. He smiled then. "So does this mean we're officially dating?" Alex asked awkwardly. I laughed. "Yes" I replied back as he looked at me questioningly. "I'm sorry for laughing" I said. He shook his head "I like hearing you laugh" we sat there for only a little longer before he replied.

"I'm sorry about tonight and today and well everything" he said. "Alex, it's ok" I told him. He glanced at the bloody blade in my hand. "What are you going to do with it?" He asked me sounding disgusted with himself. "Throw it away probably" I replied. "Do you uh, do you feel compelled to do it again?" I asked gently. He violently shook his head. I looked at the clock on his desk. 11:37. "It's late" I said not really caring. "You can leave if you want" he said, looking at his feet. "Ok. But tomorrow can I come back over?" I asked him. He nodded. "Ok. Max wants to talk to us the day after tomorrow. Him and cam are going on a supply raid tomorrow" I told him. He nodded. "Ok I'll see you tomorrow" I said as I walked out the door. I stopped by the side of his door. I took a deep breath. Me and Alex were a couple. Never mind this horrible night I was giddy with joy. I had a boyfriend.