The Lady's Butler

The Proposal Arc {Part 4}

(Part 4)

It was night time, and Louise had fallen asleep. Kyrano had somehow struggled through the nightly duties of cleaning up, rearranging things and preparing for the next day, and was finally free to engage in his own activities. Still, he remained alone in the bathroom, simply sitting at the edge of the empty tub, staring at the floor.

There was definitely something going on inside him that was getting in his way of butler duties. Kyrano had prided himself for being able to shuffle between emotions almost instantaneously, to suppress even the craziest emotion down with his own will to becoming the most stellar butler. Even his father had praised him for that skill when he was younger.

Yet, somehow, it wasn't working well. Rather, it was that Kyrano did not even recognise what emotion he had to suppress this time around. He had gone around most of the day, forcing himself to feel no emotions and simply attend to his mistress as a perfect butler. Still, he had continued to make stupid mistakes –like forgetting to prepare his mistress's tie, almost forgetting the time for the student council meeting, missing out on the instructions that his mistress had given him. During lunch, he had even been careless enough to knock over a glass, embarrassing himself and his mistress.

Kyrano couldn't understand what was wrong: he had already made himself feel nothing, and yet he was still not performing as normal. He had already received several concerned gazes by classmates and their butlers. Scott seemed to have something rather like disappointment in his eyes.

In the sanctuary of his own silence, Kyrano finally let his self-anger and disgust show as he clenched his hands against the side of the tub. He had been keeping emotions like these back for the whole day, and still he had not been able to act as he normally did. Even worse; he appeared to be lagging behind on his butler duties with his streak of absent-mindedness. Maybe he wasn't doing enough. Maybe he was still unconsciously nurturing emotions while he worked.

Reflecting on the happenings of the day, Kyrano tried to remember instances where he felt his emotions rising. Of course, shame was one particular emotion that he had kept back throughout the day. Self-disgust was also one that he forced himself to ignore. What else had there been?

"I'm having a talk with Keyron alone. Leave us to our privacy, Kyrano, and come collect me when it is time for dinner."

Yes. That had been the moment when Kyrano had had to suppress emotions as well. He had felt irritancy and disappointment. His mistress had been having many private talks with Keyron, so much so that it appeared as if the woman was downgrading herself to associate so frequently with a mere butler. It annoyed Kyrano to no end, particularly when he had begun to hear rumours being passed around in the classroom that Louise Crawford was having a love affair with Keyron. Kyrano knew that rumours were always created and shared without much grounding, but there was no smoke without fire.

Given the way that Louise had always requested that he not be around whenever she talked to Keyron, Kyrano could not help but feel slightly inclined to believe those rumours as well. But even if there was something going on between his brother and his mistress, what could he do?

No love could come from a butler and a lady. The whole affair between Amelia and Jet in the previous semester had shown the Academy's view on the matter. The St. Clair Academy for Ladies absolutely rejected the notion of a love that spanned between servant and mistress, and when news of Amelia Dewitt's requited love with her butler came around, they had been expelled immediately –despite the fact that they had already eloped before the academy could take action.

Kyrano could not help his own sense of disappointment as well. Even if there was love between Keyron and Louise, did her mistress not trust him enough to know the truth? They had grown up together, after all. Did Louise not know that even if she broke the rules of the academy, even if she committed an act of sin, he would still sell his life to protect her secrets? Even if he appeared to be a morally upright butler, Kyrano was willing to betray all personal morals if it ensured his mistress's happiness and safety. What disappointed Kyrano so much consciously was not the fact that his mistress might be having an affair.